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Deano14
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27 Jul 2011, 2:06 pm

Hello everybody! This is my first post on this forum, and unfortunately as much as I'd like to say its a happy one, it isn't :(
For starters, I am an 15 year old autistic male who has severe issues making friends, and interacting with people, which is normal for Aspies right?

Well not in my case, you see at a young age, I was perfectly able to make friends, and had quite a lot of them.
This all changed when I moved to high school, due to the fact I was moved to a completely different school to all of my old friends.
When I first started high school, I didn't really feel alone, because I still saw my old friends from time to time walking around and would chat to them.
But other the past 3 years, this has all changed.

I live with my grandparents, who are extremely over protective and have no faith in me being able to live a normal life without being taught how to do so even though I am perfectly capable of it.
I'm not allowed to go out of the front gate without them, and due to the fact they have my little siblings to look after, obviously going out of the house with me constantly is a problem which I can understand.
But this has really had an impact on my social life. Its almost like I've forgot how to talk to people, because all I can do is sit in the house at my computer, which I do day in, day out.
I've tried going to youth clubs, which didn't help at all.

This has so far made high school seem like hell on earth. I am approaching my last year and have been bullied since I first started. I did make a small group of friends in my second year, but due to my grandparents not allowing to go anywhere with them without their parents coming with them, they have lost interest in me and no longer want me to be a part of their social life.
This has made me feel extremely depressed which has effected my grades, I have failed every exam I've taken in the past few years and I'm genuinely worried about whats going to happen to me when I leave school as I'll have little to no qualifications.

The only thing I had in my life which keeps me going is my music, the very few good memories of friends in the past and my dog who passed away a few months ago, who was my only real friend at that point.
I have been able to do nothing exciting, or worth remembering in my life so far due to the restrictions of my grandparents.
I really do feel like giving everything up, any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you.



johnny421
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27 Jul 2011, 2:18 pm

i'm so sorry you're going through all that right now. i'm new to WP, but i have been reading the threads and it seems like high school hell is a recurring theme. i had a tough time as well back then. and i know that from your perspective right now, you feel like it won't get any better but trust me... it does get better and it does get easier. you are still so young and there are experiences and people you have yet to encounter. as for the bullying at school, you are going through the worst of it right now. just be thankful you're not the insecure half-wit who's doing the bullying. i know the type and their particular type of unhappiness doesn't go away. hang in there a bit longer kid. you seem like an intelligent and kind person and i predict that sometime soon, people are going to notice how important your presence in this world is!



johnny421
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27 Jul 2011, 2:24 pm

and i wanted to add... good grades are helpful, but totally not worth stressing yourself to death over. at your age, you have time to turn it around.

and music... is SO important. i don't think i would have made it to adulthood without it.



EmmaUK12
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27 Jul 2011, 2:35 pm

Hang in there, school was hell for me too...when you leave things will get better. Grades are not everything, I only have 2 GSCE's, but I still got into sixth form, if that's the route you want to go down, it is possible. If not then there are plenty of things you can do. Can you talk to your grandparents about how you feel? Try to convince to give you a bit more responibility?



ChrisP
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27 Jul 2011, 2:57 pm

Just to agree with all the others... I think it's a recognised factor that Asperger's often impacts first at Secondary School age. Primary School (sorry, don't know American terms for these!) is OK, Uni can be pretty good, but Secondary is foul! I flew at Primary age, sank academically and emotionally at Secondary (bullying, confusion, the lot), was thrown out at 14, and stayed away from education until I had something to motivate me to go back.

Thinking of you!



Deano14
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27 Jul 2011, 2:59 pm

EmmaUK12 wrote:
Hang in there, school was hell for me too...when you leave things will get better. Grades are not everything, I only have 2 GSCE's, but I still got into sixth form, if that's the route you want to go down, it is possible. If not then there are plenty of things you can do. Can you talk to your grandparents about how you feel? Try to convince to give you a bit more responibility?

Thank you so much for replying.
And yes, I have tried talking to my grandparents many times, just to end feeling more frustrated because they won't listen to me at all. Saying that I'm autistic and have no understanding of others and they have no understanding of me and I'm better off kept away from the world because its a bad place.
It has been the cause of many arguments, I genuinely have no idea what to do anymore.



EmmaUK12
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27 Jul 2011, 3:26 pm

Deano14 wrote:
EmmaUK12 wrote:
Hang in there, school was hell for me too...when you leave things will get better. Grades are not everything, I only have 2 GSCE's, but I still got into sixth form, if that's the route you want to go down, it is possible. If not then there are plenty of things you can do. Can you talk to your grandparents about how you feel? Try to convince to give you a bit more responibility?

Thank you so much for replying.
And yes, I have tried talking to my grandparents many times, just to end feeling more frustrated because they won't listen to me at all. Saying that I'm autistic and have no understanding of others and they have no understanding of me and I'm better off kept away from the world because its a bad place.
It has been the cause of many arguments, I genuinely have no idea what to do anymore.

My Dad is the same with me, all you can do is keep on talking to them, explaining that yes you have autism, but you still need to get out there on your own because eventually you will have to be independent. It will take time,it's taken me 3 years to get my Dad to allow to do things that others do...just try to keep remembering they care deeply for you and your safety and this is why they are like this. Take small steps first and show them you can do things on your own then gradually they will see that you can do things. As for the world be a bad place, there are more good people (your grandparents) than bad and they make it all worth while.



Deano14
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27 Jul 2011, 4:08 pm

EmmaUK12 wrote:
Deano14 wrote:
EmmaUK12 wrote:
Hang in there, school was hell for me too...when you leave things will get better. Grades are not everything, I only have 2 GSCE's, but I still got into sixth form, if that's the route you want to go down, it is possible. If not then there are plenty of things you can do. Can you talk to your grandparents about how you feel? Try to convince to give you a bit more responibility?

My Dad is the same with me, all you can do is keep on talking to them, explaining that yes you have autism, but you still need to get out there on your own because eventually you will have to be independent. It will take time,it's taken me 3 years to get my Dad to allow to do things that others do...just try to keep remembering they care deeply for you and your safety and this is why they are like this. Take small steps first and show them you can do things on your own then gradually they will see that you can do things. As for the world be a bad place, there are more good people (your grandparents) than bad and they make it all worth while.


Thank you, I am in the baby step process at the moment. Although by the time my grandparents actually let me be independent, I'm scared it'll be too little too late if that makes sense, as I've been doing this with them since I was 11, and no progress has been made at all. and I know they're only doing it because they care about me but it doesn't make it any easier you know?
Also I don't know if this is the right place to bring this up but ah well, its something that I need help with.
I have no one to talk to at all about this, no one I can open up to as such and the only thing that helps me relieve the depression temporarily is self harming. I do not do it for attention, I know its very dangerous and leaves horrible looking scars and its not a good thing to do at all but its the only thing that helps me and I don't know how to stop it.
Times are hard, what else can I say? :(



EmmaUK12
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27 Jul 2011, 4:18 pm

If you want to PM me I would be happy to listen to any of your worries. As for the self harming...are you on anti depressants?



Deano14
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27 Jul 2011, 4:20 pm

EmmaUK12 wrote:
If you want to PM me I would be happy to listen to any of your worries. As for the self harming...are you on anti depressants?

Thank you, that would be a big help.
And no, not at the moment.



EmmaUK12
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27 Jul 2011, 4:23 pm

I would go to see your GP and explain you think you have depression, they may refer you to a mental health CAMHS, i've been and they really helped me alot.



Deano14
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27 Jul 2011, 8:05 pm

EmmaUK12 wrote:
I would go to see your GP and explain you think you have depression, they may refer you to a mental health CAMHS, i've been and they really helped me alot.

Thank you so much :)
I shall do that asap. :D



Ilka
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28 Jul 2011, 11:54 am

Is there anyway you parents can interfere or you can talk to your grandpas about this? Do your grandpas know your dx and understand it? Someone needs to explain to them how important social relatinships are for you and how dangerous fall in depresion might be. Maybe a teacher or a counselor might talk to them. If nothing works, you can always lie. I had extremely controlling parents. When I was in highschool I was not allowed going out with my friends or going to parties. I was a good student and an obedient daughter, so I thought that was not fair. So I started telling lies. I said I had to go to the library for research or I had to meet my classmates for a group work, and instead I hang out witj my friends. I know that is not correct, but nothing else worked and I felt I was doing nothing wrong. Good luck!



Deano14
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28 Jul 2011, 2:30 pm

Ilka wrote:
Is there anyway you parents can interfere or you can talk to your grandpas about this? Do your grandpas know your dx and understand it? Someone needs to explain to them how important social relatinships are for you and how dangerous fall in depresion might be. Maybe a teacher or a counselor might talk to them. If nothing works, you can always lie. I had extremely controlling parents. When I was in highschool I was not allowed going out with my friends or going to parties. I was a good student and an obedient daughter, so I thought that was not fair. So I started telling lies. I said I had to go to the library for research or I had to meet my classmates for a group work, and instead I hang out witj my friends. I know that is not correct, but nothing else worked and I felt I was doing nothing wrong. Good luck!

First all of all, thank you very much for replying and the suggestions.
However though my parents no longer have the legal rights to look after me, due to them splitting up and one of them having a severe mental illness.
Although I see my dad from time to time, my grandparents would never listen to him, or anyone from school. They believe that only they understand my disability and won't take notice of anyone who argues with them.

And as for the lying, I'm not in walking distance to either my school, my classmates or a library, so they would have to phone, check if I'm going and then take me. Yes, that's how bad they are in terms of trust.
I wouldn't mind, but I've never done anything to make them not trust me.