Do you prefer to be left alone?

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I really prefer to be alone. I hate trying to keep up with friends, and I don’t like putting an effort into making them, or finding things in common with other people. I typically don’t connect with people, and I don’t want to. I don’t dislike people, or feel like they are not good enough to be my friend, nor am I concerned that I am not good enough to be theirs. I just really enjoy being alone.

I am in college. I do have people who I talk to, but I find that after several minutes of conversation, I have “had my fill” socially, and excuse myself. I never feel isolated or lonely, but after brief conversation, I feel content, and want to go elsewhere, and be by myself.

Unfortunately, I think people mistake my desire for amiable interaction as an attempt at genuine friendship. People seem to like me, and make attempts to get to know me, but the feelings are not mutual. I like small talk, I am funny, friendly, attractive, and can be socially outgoing in small bursts. But I don’t like feeling that I can’t be friendly without attracting invitations to go places, or the dreaded exchanging of contact information. I have absolutely no social networking sites, I am a total hermit, and prefer to stay at home and read, and occasionally spend time with one extremely close personal friend. Aside from her, I feel no desire for companionship.

I have always been like this. I am not unhappy, I do not feel excluded, lonesome, or depressed about it. On the contrary, when aquaintances push me for social interaction, I feel aggrivated, uncomfortable, and pining for my solitude. When I go out with other people, I feel bored and sluggish, counting the minutes, and waiting for an opportunity to leave. I am not particularly shy, nor am I viewed as strange, or antisocial. I am normal and nice, but I really just want to be left alone.

One of my biggest annoyances is giving out my contact information. I hate being called, I hate getting text messages, and I REALLY hate the pressure to respond. Often, when asked for my information, I will give it (because I do not know how to decline politely) and ignore and avoid the person until they leave me alone, usually giving excuses like I’m at work a lot. I don’t have anything against these people, and enjoy talking to them occasionally around campus. They are understanding when I give excuses why I can’t talk on the phone or hang out. Whenever I get a call or text, I usually shut off my phone so I don’t have to think about feeling pressured to respond. Sometimes I will leave it off for days at a time, and turn it back on to see a handful of missed calls, texts, and voicemail, which only frustrates me further.

Whenever I get a text or call from someone I don’t want to talk to, my heart races, I get chills, and my palms sweat. Maybe it’s some kind of social anxiety, but I don’t feel “anxious” in social situations, I like them in small amounts in a neutral environment, like my campus. But I hate being asked to go out off campus, and texting or talking on the phone feels tedious and forced. I like people, I just feel like my desire to interact with them is very, VERY limited. Is there any advice on how I can avoid meeting people, or how to tell them I don’t want to spend time together? How about getting rid of the ones who persistently attempt contact?

This may seem like the simple answer, but in my over 40 years of feeling like you do, I take the simple approach.

If I don't feel like interacting with a person I do the appropriate of the following:

I tell them.
I don't answer the phone.
I don't respond to texts.
I don't answer email.
I don't go to public places.

Some people don't get it, but in general, most understand when I say, "I just don't feel like hanging out" or "I just don't like talking on the phone."

I used to have some of the same feelings of guilt you seem to be experiencing because I felt I "had" to do these things. Although I am still working on it with my therapist, I have come to realize that being me is not a bad thing and that I have control over how much I want to interact with other people. There is nothing "wrong" with not wanting a lot of human interaction or communication. It isn't a destructive behavior. It is a behavior that allows me to take care of myself and make sure that I am not suffering the ill effects of the stress that go along with trying to force what I was perceiving as the "normal" required levels of these types of activities.

I hope this information helps you.

Yes it does , thanks...

Why do you feel the pressure to respond?

Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what you're talking about, but for me it is about relatives. I feel obligated to respond, to visit them or let them visit me, because otherwise, am I even part of the family anymore? How can I accept the support they provide while not giving back what they want (i.e. staying in contact)? In consequence, I always feel like a horrible person for not wanting to spend time with them and my only reason to spend christmas with family is guilt.
I never had that problem with other people, probably because I repel everyone pretty quickly by shutting down or just by being awkward to talk to.

I think you have several options: either tell the people the truth instead of excuses (trying not to offend them), just ignore them or be less personable in your encounters (keep some social distance/reserve instead of being a social butterfly). Of course, telling the truth might not work, because many people can't understand that there are people who want to be alone all the time (especially if you appear social and talkative when they meet you), so they might think you're lying and be offended.

If I may ask: you mention a very close friend you are meeting occasionally, is or was it ever an issue that this person wanted to meet you more often than you wanted to meet? And if so, how did you resolve that? I'm not asking out of curiosity but because I face this kind of situation myself.

I basically told him , I really wished I could but I'm too busy.

I didn't feel any emotion when saying this , I didn't feel horrible , I didn't feel disgusted , I didn't regret it.

He responded with a unfulfilled sigh.

What's wrong with me?

There are no laws that mandate you need to respond to phone calls, texts, e-mail, etc. So if you don't want to, then don't. People who know me realize that I'll respond/reply only if I feel like it. So they go with it. Other people who don't know me will probably never get it because I'll never respond to them. That's just the way it is. I used to feel guilty, but unless I ask someone to call, text, etc., then it's really an invasion of my personal space/privacy.

I could relate, but at the same time, I still want company to be with.

Just dropping in to say that I feel exactly the same, and I'm still working it out for myself too. I'll be reading this for tips. One good thing for OP is that you're happy in yourself, and you enjoy your time alone. Hold on to that for as long as you can. Being content with who you are is huge, IMO.

I am dealing with this problem a lot. I kind of go through these phases where it's a lot worse than normal - but usually I am not a fan of replying to messages, picking up phones, or going out of my way to socialise. At the moment it's a lot worse than it usually is, and it appears that it's been triggered by stress this time.

I live with house mates and I get frustrated when they won't leave me alone. I will do my best to do my own thing in the house and my housemates can see that I don't want to interact but they just hover or do things to get my attention until I finally have to engage with them.

I am getting really stressed about messages on my phone and I try to explain to my friends that are texting me that I need some space but they get angry because they think that I am ignoring them. I am trying to work out a way to be polite in these moments so that people I care about don't take it personally. I am finding that people can't make sense of me because I can be quite social sometimes and then just turn around and not talk to them for months (because I have shut down). I get more and more reclusive the more people try to pressure me into responding - I go through phases where I deactivate my social media accounts and delete all the messengers on my phone. People just take it so personally and I lose a lot of friends over it. I have no idea how to deal with it.

I even had a date the other day that I bailed on. I just had to tell the person that I wasn't in a good way and couldn't handle getting on public transport and traversing through the city in the current state I was in - they seemed to be okay with that but I don't imagine they will ask me out again :/

Yes, I usually do. A lot of the time I don't want to hang out with friends; I just want to do my own thing. I don't even like people in the same room as me a lot of the time. It feels like an invasion of my privacy.