I was wondering if there is a collection of expressions that are confusing for those of us who are not socially gifted.
For instance: "I can tell you are having a bad day." Actually this turns out to mean, "You are acting badly."
Not knowing this, when I would continue without acknowledging this criticism in some way, the other would get more and more offended.
Also, some people got apologetic or defensive when I used this expression. I would use it in an attempt of empathy, but it really gave mixed results at best. I now say, "It sounds like you are having a hard time." That seems to work as intended.
BTW: I'm in the Dallas area and this "bad day" thing may be a regionalism, for all I know. I never noticed it in my home town, but there is a lot I don't notice. :/
Also, (this one's embarrassing) I've learned "Why are you wearing that?" _always_ is meant as a criticism, no matter how nicely it is said. I used to take it literally, as a request for information, when it was said in a nice voice. Actually it turns out the nice voice is just an attempt to soften the criticism. So again, I need to acknowledge somehow. Either with "Are you the fashion police?" or with, "Oh, am I standing out too much? Is it the shirt, pants . . .?" depending.
"Because it was on top in the drawer" is not so social.
Anyone with other expressions decoded? Maybe there is a place on this site already, but I didn't find it.
23 Jan 2007, 7:33 pm
