Socially acceptable "stimming" / nervous habits?

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A friend of mine pointed out today that I have some really socially awkward nervous habits. I no longer rock, and I've mostly stopped myself from constantly blinking, but I still pick at my lips a lot and touch my face too much, which I guess looks kind of gross. I knew about this problem before but no one ever really said anything so I never worried about it much. Fortunately this friend is very direct and honest and he told me clearly that especially the lip-picking is really strange and gross and it damages people's perception of me.

We were in a government office at the time filing paperwork, so it was important that he told me that. I didn't realize that the woman processing the papers was looking at me while I was doing it, and in fact I didn't even fully realize I was doing it until he told me.

The problem is, I have a LOT of nervous energy and I don't know what else to do with it. He also told me that I talk too much when I'm nervous, which is also annoying and inappropriate. I know I need some way to release this nervous energy, but what?

He has a tongue piercing and he told me he loves it for this reason. He can play with it in his mouth when he's nervous and nobody will know. But I'm not interested in getting a piercing.

Can anyone recommend some socially acceptable ways of releasing nervous energy?

We deal with this all of the time with our fifteen year old, who has some rather odd nervous habits of his own -- throat-clearing, head scratching, etc. Like you, he doesn't realize he is doing it -- and frankly, my pointing it out isn't very effective in getting him to stop.

However, lots of people will do the following to channel nervous energy:

1. bouncing their legs/knee up and down
2. manipulating a "koosh" ball in their hand
3. fingering something in their pocket
4. manipulating a pencil around and around

It makes no sense, but most of these things are much more socially acceptable. For one thing, they can sometimes be done out of the eyesight of observers. Something like manipulating a pencil can be a sort of fascinating skill, rather than an annoying habit.

I'm NT, but when nervous or full of energy, I drum my fingers on a table, etc. What I'm really doing is playing the piano WITHOUT a piano... and just beating out a kind of rhythm. It helps me think. Lot's of people do this. It's quiet, and not too noticeable.

A good rule of thumb is that picking ANYTHING on your person is unappealing to others. Scratching anything on your person is unappealing to others. If you can shift this behavior to doing something with an inanimate object (pencil, koosh ball) -- it's much less obnoxious to the public.

Thanks for the advice. I am surprised to hear that leg-bouncing and finger-tapping are acceptable. I always thought those things were considered annoying by most people. I thought touching my face would be better, at least it's not disruptive. I'll try to train myself to do those things instead.

My friend advised me to use chapstick more often so that my lips don't get so dry and I don't need to pick them. I've had problems with dry lips my whole life. He told me I should just put it on once every 30 minutes, no exceptions, so they stay moist. I use the Burt's Bees natural one so there's no chemicals that will dry out my lips. This should work right? I think I wouldn't pick at my lips if they weren't always so dry. Normally I put on chapstick a few times per day but I never tried doing it so often. People always told me chapstick was bad in the long run so I tried not to use it too much.

I think the chapstick every 30 minutes idea is a good one! My daughter does that when she's in a dry climate, and it's probably the only thing that keeps her from picking at her lips!! !

You're right -- the sounds of legs/knees bouncing up and down and finger-tapping would seem more annoying when you think about it. BUT, I think people are much more annoyed by people picking dead skin or scabs. I think society just thinks it's MORE gross than just making annoying noise. Also, it's about how much of society does something -- the skinpicking -- people do it less because it's considered gross, but with the finger tapping, etc., more people do it, so it would seem that it's not quite as frowned upon.

I put lotion on my hands. The action of doing this is very like wringing one's hands, but applying lotion makes it acceptable. At least, I have not gotten the same stares from the latter as from the former.

Okay, another question. I was at the bank today and the woman was charging me an insane amount of money just to print out a statement (long story), so I was getting irritated and nervous and started to feel overwhelmed. Instead of picking at my lips I tried tapping my fingers silently on the counter, but it didn't feel right. I felt like I was giving off a signal of impatience rather than nervousness.

I don't want to appear impatient. Is my worry justified?

On a side note, it seems extra strange to me that people think it's disgusting to pick dead skin from your lips in this country, since everyone here blows their nose loudly and graphically into a tissue every five minutes, then stuffs it in their pocket to use again five minutes later. I wonder why that's not gross but touching your face is.

I used to hand flap and rock back and forth when i was little but i dont do that anymore. i mostly just twitch my fingers or tap my foot a lot (only when im sitting down tho)

The foot tap! Always the foot tap!

Whoever threw out the pen-tricks, that one's brilliant. You look cool and fulfill the stimming need.

My mom does the foot tap, so do I. Lots of people (at work or school) think it's annoying. I have the same problem with picking at my lips and face, and it really helps to have something to manipulate. For me though, I have to have something I can actually do something with. For example a koosh ball wouldn't really do it for me, but a pen (taking it apart and putting it back together) or tidying/arranging groups of things works really well. At work especially, I would have gotten a lot more weird looks if I hadn't been constantly fiddling with everything in front of me.

The chapstick appears to be helping. I still get some dry lips, but not as often and I am almost always remembering not to pull it off until there is no one around.

So far I haven't been in a particularly nervous situation, so I haven't had to test any new things yet, but I have noticed that since I'm not playing with my lips all the time, I'm finding myself bobbing my head, tapping my fingers, and generally sort of moving to a song stuck in my head (over the past few days this is one with a sort of reggae / dubstep beat). I'm not doing it in a particularly exaggerated or obvious way (as far as I can tell), but I'm worried that this looks a bit crazy, sort of like rocking back and forth. Any input? Should I stop this as well?

What about rubbing your eyes? I assume this falls under touching your face and is socially unacceptable as well? I tend to rub them alot because they are dry and itchy

my friends actually commented on the strange things I do, that I never realized. I actually had a good laugh because sometimes I crack myself up
1. I often move my head a lot, "like someone with parkinson's". Really?!
2. When I'm ordering food at a restaurant, I always place my right index finger under my chin and stare intently at the menu, as if I am in deep thought. Daaamn!
3. When I'm riding shotgun in the car, I'm always looking at myself in the passenger side window. Dude, I'm so not narcissist!! !
4. Before I engage in intimate relations, I scratch and sniff myself. I can't be smelly, OK???
5. I walk really fast, all the time. Passersby always comment that I'm gonna have a heart attack from walking so fast. I prefer to get from point A to point B ASAP, don't eff with me!!
6. I interject things I see on TV into conversations and it's often uncalled for or inappropriate.
I think I covered everything, but those are the most memorable

I get terrible dry lips in the winter but this year I have finally found the cure. I recently had a baby and read somewhere that a lip model trick (weird right?) is to use nipple cream on their lips. I started putting plain lanolin (lansinoh is the brand I use and can be bought for a couple of dollars online) on my lips before bed and it has made an enormous difference.

Once a week I put some plain white sugar in a little olive oil and rub it on my lips to gently exfoliate the dead skin away. This is the frst year I haven't had painful cracked lips- not once. Also drinking a ton of water and sleeping with a humidifier will make a big differnce as will being sure to breathe out of your nose, not your mouth when you sleep (not sure how you regulate that though).

I suggest aquafor for lips, because it doesn't have any taste or smell like lanolin (lanolin is great for dry/cracked skin, but I can't bring myself to have it on my lips all the time). The aquafor works very well though and was recommended by my dermatologist.

I don't pick at my lips with my hands (I chew bits off instead), but I really hate them being dry/cracked. Actually I hate any of my skin being dry, cracked, or not smooth, so I use a lot of lotion . And since I have many irregularities in my skin, I pick at it a lot. However, when I am out and about, this is all covered so the only thing I have to pick at is my cuticles or my face, which I try to not do by doing other things (but probably still end up touching it a lot).

Relaxing at home if I have skin uncovered I pick at it a lot . It actually probably creates as many irregularities as it solves, but it's somehow soothing. I also run my hands in my hair/scalp a lot at home, especially if I'm just sitting and talking to someone. So one solution I guess is to cover whatever you pick at whenever possible, though if you only pick at your face this may be difficult.
I rock some at home. I used to bang my head against the wall too. My mother told me (really aghast) to stop doing both of these things when I was very young at home so I stopped doing them in public and moved to other things.

I remember doing a paper in school about fidgeting.
Jiggling legs does bother other people a lot and if you do this people will randomly ask you to stop . At the time I wrote the paper one of my favored activities was twiddling my pencil. Sometimes, I would lose control of it and it would twang off across the classroom, which was a drawback.
I also doodled a lot. This is a good one, but really just for activities where you have to sit and listen and now when you are supposed to react a lot.
Later since I wasn't using regular pencils as much, I took to chewing on/playing with pens a lot. One word of warning with this... I inadvertently ended up twice with ink all over my face/mouth this way .

I also used to chew gum a lot (I really like fiddling with things with my mouth) but when I was in college and even more so when I started work later, several people told me that this was considered rude (also, I had to talk on the phone a lot, and this was apparently especially rude) so I almost completely stopped chewing gum. And would eat small items instead for the same reason (which I don't recommend ). I also used to chew on the inside of my mouth a lot, to the point that it would be bloody (and I hate the taste of blood). I try to limit this now so I only chew on the very outer layer of skin inside my cheek so if doesn't make a sore. After all these years there is sort of a ridge on the inside of each cheek from previous chewing which makes this very easy. This is somewhat noticeable though. But acceptable I guess if you are "considering" something like looking at the computer or paperwork.

I had very many other habits which I discarded over the years or transferred to other things due to negative feedback or other reasons, or that I only do at home or when I'm by myself.

Nowadays, I tend to crack/flex/stretch my hands a lot. I push my cuticles down a lot too (using fingers/thumb on the same hand), constantly (I started this when I was very young because I wanted to have "moons" like my mother and it became a habit). It's very satisfying . And it makes your nails look nice (provided you are not too hard on the cuticles... lotion helps). I apply lotion all the time as well. I find it very awkward to wear something without pockets because I can put my hands in my pockets and fiddle with them and it looks weird to do that if I'm just walking/standing (though I do it when sitting all the time). No-one has ever commented on it being problematic (except some people do not like the sound of cracking joints. Most of my joints crack just moving around though, I don't do the thing where I actually pull the knuckles in and out like I have seen some people do, I just flex them and they make a noise).

I think I blink/roll my eyes in a weird way somewhat regularly, however, since I wear contact lenses, if I happen to do this in front of somebody and they react, I just mention that my contacts were out of place . Also closing my eyes very tightly.

Another one which nobody can detect is "snap" my toes (like snapping your fingers, but it makes a dull quiet noise). I don't even think about this most of the time. Except if I am getting new shoes. I prefer to wear shoes where I can cross my toes (my big toe over the next toe) to allow room for crossing and snapping them. I think I cross them and hold it often, come to think of it. Again, unless you mention this to anybody (in which case you will likely get weird looks), its probably quite safe. Also flexing feet back and forth does not produce the jiggling vibration that seems to annoy other people but is still rhythmic (especially if you put your foot at an angle sideways so the toes are not on the floor).

I almost always wear at least one bracelet. It's a constantly available toy to play with. I think they should make some that are specifically for that purpose . When I was married, I used to rotate my ring on my hand all the time as well (using the thumb of the same hand). Another good one is some kind of thingamajig to attach to a keychain, especially with moveable parts. A lot of people play with their keys, even while the keys are still in their pocket (my keys are in my purse so this isn't such an option, plus I do not like the smell of the metal it leaves on my hands).

I also used to carry a rubbing rock with me in my pocket all the time to play with, that is a nice thing to have and it can get really smooth with rubbing.