Do I have any friends (read before posting)?

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Transhuman
Snowy Owl
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26 Jan 2012, 5:03 pm

When they say hi to you in the morning? When they approach you and try to initiate a conversation? At school, many people say hi to me in the morning, and many approach me and ask "How I'm doing" on a daily basis too. However, I have nothing to talk about with these people.

There are also 2 groups who keep approaching me rather (very) often, almost on a daily basis, and asking me "how I'm doing", but then, they end up having a conversation between each other and I end up feeling left out because I have nothing to say at all, in 80% of the subjects they're talking about. Some other groups and people approach me, but not as often, maybe on a weekly basis.

I was invited to a group too, shortly after 2 main group members asked me which room we had a lesson in. However, shortly after I talked about a video game I and some group members played, I felt like I had nothing to talk about at all. So I just didn't approach this group anymore. One of these members also used to constantly approach me and talk to me, although when he found more 'interesting' people to talk with, he started talking with them mainly, although he still does approach me very often.

So this is my social life. Judging by this, would you say that I have any friends? If not, what is the problem here, and how do I find some? Also, I only approach people when I need to know something, like some schedule information, etc.



Peko
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26 Jan 2012, 5:08 pm

I'd say these might be people you could become friends with. See how they react if you approach them.


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RosieLea
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31 Jan 2012, 1:52 am

I always had the same problem with friends in high school. I tended to hang on the edges of a few different groups of ppl without belonging to any of them. I was very fortunate that there were only one or two people that decided to make fun of me, otherwise I felt like a pet or a mascot or a little sister to my friends.

Looking back, I appreciate them as being my friends simply because they didnt torture me and they could have.

I would suggest joining some sort of club, where you would start out with something in common with the people already there.



pensieve
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31 Jan 2012, 5:52 am

Hang out with one of the groups more, ask them about their interests or just stuff they did on the weekend. That's all people ever seemed to talk about around me. Talking about music was probably the only time I had something to say. Being a year older I was into music they would be into years after I left the school. So, get into similar music or try and introduce them to something you like. If they don't like it don't take it too personally. Kids around that age will all listen to the same thing and not like anything outside of the genre or outside of what's popular.


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Rainbowy
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31 Jan 2012, 7:51 pm

NT's seemingly have the ability to talk all the time. They have endless inspiration for talking about pretty much nothing. I believe they bond with their friends in a way that we don't as well. They can talk for ages because they are genuinely interested in each other and what they're doing, and are friend just because they like talking to each other.
These people sound like acquaintances rather than friends. They probably do not think it's a big deal that you aren't fully engaged in conversation with them. Don't worry too much about whether they technically count as "friends" or not, or how many friends you might be able to say are yours. Do you want company, or are you worried you're missing out on something and that you "should" have friends? Or are you worried you look like a loner?

Join an club for a hobby, or campaign group for something you care about. Then while you're there you'll have something to concentrate on and talk about so you don't have to worry about inane small talk. It's also always easier in a group than one-to-one, because then the pressure is off you to talk.

One rule is "if you've got nothing to say, say nothing at all" which you appear to be following. When I was at school, because I never had anything to say, I would constantly say and do random and disruptive things to get attention. Because I wasn't diagnosed yet, I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I was very humiliated that I couldn't talk, and when I made people laugh it made me feel more important and less inadequate.

My advice is to not worry about friends, and do something constructive with your time, because friends don't really matter much when you leave school anyway.



NicoleG
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31 Jan 2012, 9:48 pm

Do you do anything with them outside of the casual hellos and brief conversations? If not, then they are acquaintances. I had TONS of acquaintances throughout grade school, but only a few people that I ever associated with outside of class and whom I called friends. They didn't have to be best friends either, just people I did things with every so often that wasn't directly class or hall-talk related, like two girls from my tennis team that I sat with at lunch time. I had a couple of other classes with them as well, but it was our lunch time that made me consider them friends. I really never hung out with them in the evenings or on weekends, but that was okay.