Do you want to be social or do you feel like you have to.

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Amik
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02 Feb 2012, 4:03 pm

I want to have some social interaction. I don't need a whole lot of it, but it would be nice to have a couple of friends who I could really talk to (one on one!) or someone to do interesting activities with sometimes or even just someone nice go to lunch with occasionally. I miss having that. I'm really socially isolated and although I need a lot of alone time and don't feel the need to socialize nearly as much as most people, it doesn't mean that I never want to socialize or only do it when pressured into it.

On the other hand, when forced to be around people in certain settings, there is definitely more pressure than desire to socialize and I hate that.



kestrel
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02 Feb 2012, 5:04 pm

I tried sharing projects with a friend of mine in the past and it always irritated me because he habitually cuts corners and I habitually refuse to do so. :? I love improvising, but I also love process. Everything must be done a certain way and any deviation from that process ruins the project. I think I'm probably just too difficult to work with.

For the most part, I want to be social, but I seem to want to be social with a concept more than a real person (if that makes sense). I accept the problems that arise from it - the world isn't perfect and that won't stop me from going out once in a while - but I also accept that I probably won't ever be very close to anyone.



nick007
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02 Feb 2012, 8:30 pm

I want to be more social because I'm bored & lonely a lot at home. I been conditioned not to be social. I never been really social partly due to my AS issues. I had so many problems dealing with others including being bullied a lot as a kid that I retreated/withdrew/isolated myself to protect myself but I do want to be social


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Cio
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02 Feb 2012, 8:42 pm

NicoleG wrote:
I don't understand your comment. Not wanting something doesn't have to have a valid reason to exist. A person can simply not want to be social, and some people do exist that simply do not want to be social. It has nothing to do with hurt feelings.
You're correct in that "wanting" and "needing" are not mutually exclusive, but you are making it sound as though if they are not mutually exclusive then they must be mutually inclusive, which is incorrect.
I take it you have never met someone that simply does not wish to be social, or dealt with a cat that never wanted anyone to touch it, ever.


"they should want to" in the second part of the question implies (for me) there is no need for social interaction. You cannot survive alone and thus need to interact. The not surviving alone part may even be more true for us then others so why deny, deep down, every human being desires interaction with other human beings, simply because they must, like they must eat, sleep or breathe.

Basicly, my observations of this world so far, lead me to believe not wanting social interaction is misguided thought. Once you experience comfortable social interaction, you will realize you want more. I have been the person that didn't "want" social interaction, but the more isolated I became, the unhappier I became. Social interaction defines and validates you as a human being. No matter what planet you are on. No matter how "bad" you are at it.

BTW, I think the cat probably does interact with other cats. Just a guess. If not, then consider touch is not the only way to communicate.



NicoleG
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02 Feb 2012, 9:39 pm

Cio wrote:
Basicly, my observations of this world so far, lead me to believe not wanting social interaction is misguided thought. Once you experience comfortable social interaction, you will realize you want more. I have been the person that didn't "want" social interaction, but the more isolated I became, the unhappier I became. Social interaction defines and validates you as a human being. No matter what planet you are on. No matter how "bad" you are at it.


So, you believe that no matter how much someone professes that they don't want to be around another human, deep down they really do?



quirkyandlaughing
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02 Feb 2012, 9:46 pm

I like being social with good friends. I call them "family friends." I want to be able to lay on friends' couches & not worry about small talk or any social skill stuff at all. If I move to a new area, I will slog through the time it takes to get there with a handful of people, but I hate the time it takes to get there & find myself very lonely in the meantime. It's never taken me less than a year.

I do not care for hanging out with groups of acquaintances. I will do it to ultimately accomplish the above, but I hate every minute of it and often bail at the last minute.



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02 Feb 2012, 9:50 pm

neither.


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Cio
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03 Feb 2012, 2:41 am

NicoleG wrote:
Cio wrote:
Basicly, my observations of this world so far, lead me to believe not wanting social interaction is misguided thought. Once you experience comfortable social interaction, you will realize you want more. I have been the person that didn't "want" social interaction, but the more isolated I became, the unhappier I became. Social interaction defines and validates you as a human being. No matter what planet you are on. No matter how "bad" you are at it.


So, you believe that no matter how much someone professes that they don't want to be around another human, deep down they really do?


Yes.



artrat
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03 Feb 2012, 3:11 am

I really want to be social but am not very good at it.
I have to worst social phobia and only feel comfortable around certain people.

When I person does not have a very warm voice and kind facial expression then I feel uncomfortable around them.
I also feel more comfortable socialize with very small children and people over the ago of 50.

I have no interest in socializing with teenagers and young adults because they are too close to my age.
I feel very isolated around my age group.

Most people dont notice that I exist or think that I am anti-social because of my poor body language.


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03 Feb 2012, 4:58 am

artrat wrote:
I really want to be social but am not very good at it.
I have to worst social phobia and only feel comfortable around certain people.

When I person does not have a very warm voice and kind facial expression then I feel uncomfortable around them.
I also feel more comfortable socialize with very small children and people over the ago of 50.

I have no interest in socializing with teenagers and young adults because they are too close to my age.
I feel very isolated around my age group.

Most people dont notice that I exist or think that I am anti-social because of my poor body language.


I'm not very good at socializing either and I also have bad body language but I don't think you should feel negatively about it, you are who you are and you don't need to compromise yourself to please society, don't let the ignorance of others bring you down. I think people on the spectrum desire to be accepted, loved or valued but we don't know where to start.

I think socializing can help in terms of employment, sharing your flat to get cheaper rent and getting invited to social parties and events, however you don't need to find social acceptance from having a large group of friends, many people on the spectrum find validation through pursuing their special interest or having one relationship.



hanyo
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03 Feb 2012, 6:39 am

I don't feel any desire or need to be social with real people in real life or online in real time interactions.



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03 Feb 2012, 8:12 am

Sometimes o feel like I would just love getting out more and be social. I just tend to be socially awkward and feel odd amongst people.


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NicoleG
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03 Feb 2012, 9:34 am

Wolfheart wrote:
I'm not very good at socializing either and I also have bad body language but I don't think you should feel negatively about it, you are who you are and you don't need to compromise yourself to please society, don't let the ignorance of others bring you down. I think people on the spectrum desire to be accepted, loved or valued but we don't know where to start


Always start by accepting and valuing yourself first. This holds true for everyone, regardless of being on the spectrum or not.

People who are depressed or suicidal are that way because they do not see value in their own existence, and that upsets me.



kestrel
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03 Feb 2012, 11:07 am

artrat wrote:
Most people dont notice that I exist or think that I am anti-social because of my poor body language.

This has been my problem, as well. I also feel like I'm turning into a robot, but that's another story.



Zhane
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03 Feb 2012, 12:41 pm

I have come to realized that I do want to be social, but not all the time. I had the perfect friendships they knew I was anti-social and only invited me once and a while and I was okay with it. For me being around too many people can become overwhelming at times. You do need interaction with the outside world or you would feel the need to be on a social media such as this. No matter what part of the spectrum you are on I do believe you need interaction good or bad just to feel human.


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kestrel
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03 Feb 2012, 1:13 pm

That may be why I'm starting to feel like a robot (needing social interaction to feel human). I do the same thing over and over again every day - I'm locked into a routine and have little social contact. I'm kind of numbed to it now, but I don't like feeling robotic. My entire life I've wanted to feel like I've made a difference in other people's lives. It always seems like a dream that can't be attained, though. I try to do something to help another person and I end up doing things that other people, at best, find silly and pointless. At worst, I screw things up even more.

So I do want to be social - I just don't know how to be social and can't seem to learn it. I make an idiot of myself in the process of trying.