Starting at a new school tomorrow. How to make friends?

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JimmyJ
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14 Feb 2012, 3:02 pm

Thanks guys. I will try looking up and smiling more I guess, lol.

Wish me luck for Day 3.



justalouise
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14 Feb 2012, 4:35 pm

smile, say hello to people, ask them how they're doing. if you see something about them that indicates a mutual interest (like a band tshirt or a patch on a bag or something), ask them about it! if you want to sit with people at lunch...it might be scary but...ask people! they're usually concentrating on what they're doing a bit too much to scan the room to invite strangers to join them.

good luck!!



JimmyJ
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15 Feb 2012, 6:42 am

Finally. Today someone finally introduced themselves to me and we talked for a little bit. It wasn't very long, and it was just the one conversation but at least it was something I guess.



justalouise
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15 Feb 2012, 4:55 pm

That's awesome! And good practice.



OneStepBeyond
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15 Feb 2012, 9:24 pm

good luck!
it takes time to make friends, don't worry



genedig65
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20 Feb 2012, 2:00 pm

Bravo! You broke the ice! Take one small step at a time. Many people your age are new to a college campus and are looking for friends too. Does this school have any clubs you might be interested in? There will be people with similar interests. That's how I met my wife 25 years ago.

Here are some words of caution though. Beware of people who will want to constantly be around you. College campuses are recruiting grounds for cults. One of the ways they recruit new members is that they prey on the lonely. The tactic they like to use is one known as "love bombing" . Suddenly you'll seem to have instant friends, complete strangers will want to hug you and everyone will want to talk to you. While this may seem wonderful at first, the "love" that these people will have for you will suddenly be very, very conditional. More and more will be demanded of you in order to keep their "affection". If you feel this is happening to you, break contact with people like this immediately. Notify campus authorities, especially security. Threaten the recruiters with the idea of legal and police action against them, generally they will leave you alone at this point.

This is not meant to scare you at all. However, my oldest son was in a very similar situation. He was new and lonely on campus and was nearly recruited into a religious cult. It was through dilligence by myself, my wife and our church at home that were we able to draw my son away from the cult. Most people mean well but be aware that not everyone who seems to be your friend will be a real friend.



Paulie_C
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22 Feb 2012, 4:05 am

JimmyJ wrote:
Maybe I should just get some random job. School seems like a total waste of time anyway. I'd rather flip burgers than waste 7 hours a day of my life without getting anything in return. Atleast with a crappy job you still get SOMETHING back.


Immediate gratification always sounds good at first but you WILL regret it later down the line. Dropping out of uni was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Stick with it (whatever course you do), you will be the better man for it, certainly better than me.



stranger87
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26 Mar 2012, 4:38 am

hi Jimmy,
actually i dropped in this site accidentally, but only for posting this reply i registered here, though it might be late. Well, i have always had the same problem you have and even now i do. You know, when you asked if there are any topics you can talk about to find friends... well, i have a dear friend (now you will say if you already have someone that dear means you are not like me, but i am) and i used to call him everyday, this was the first person i did have such a warm relationship with him. And believe me or not, some days when i called him, i really had nothing to say, and after a hello, how are you, it was a complete silent. And i was feeling that he's curious why do i call him when there's nothing i have to say. It was really disappointing. Finally i told him the truth, i told him that whole day i'm thinking to find some topics to talk about when i call you, and even sometimes i'm in such a stress that when i'm talking to you i forget the topics i had found. He called me "topic-collecter" and after that even it was better. I had nothing to hide from him. We were talking about everything without any prior intention to do that. Twice we talked so long that my cellphone ran out of battery.
I know i'm writing too long about my own experience but all i want to say is that for having a good conversation two must talk about a common interest. of course you can't say at the first look what interests the other one. You must be yourself, you must never care about what others will think about you if you say this or that, or what will they think about you if they notice that you are always alone. You must be yourself. and should feel so comfortable that when you have a question in the class, ask about that to all students around you, someone may know the answer, and he will answer, then you will ask him more and he will answer finally a warm "thank you" can break the ice. Or if no one knows, you will be known in them as a smart one and they will try to fix their problems with you. If you ask something that you think it may be funny to them, you should just ask them. Believe me, if you are not the smartest in that class, you aren't also the most silliest.
At lunch time, you should just go for your lunch, don't care why should you eat it alone, believe me it's even better most of the times :D ;-) but if you wanna join a group, don't wait for someone to ask you, you can try that, just go to them and ask them, can i have my lunch with you today, or just sit by them and start talking about something irrelevant, like someone's clothes, about your teacher, your course, even about your last university.
Just be yourself.



JimmyJ
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10 May 2012, 9:28 am

Few months later and I'm still in the course.

Just thought I'd let you guys know that my attempt at making friends was a failure.

I sometimes talk to a few of my classmates, mostly to do with work though. I wouldn't call any of them more than acquaintances I think :(

Oh well I'm over it. Guess I'm just not good with people



genedig65
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10 May 2012, 1:27 pm

Real friends are rare, most people in your life will be aquaintances.

Glad you stuck with the class. Try and get some contact information from some of your classmates before it ends, that way you can keep in touch through social media. I find social media a much easier way of communicating.

Sometimes if you want to be invited to things, you have to make it happen. Start off by saying this to some of your aquaintances after class: "I'm going to ( insert name of favorite lunch spot, watering hole, etc.), wanna come along?" You might get a few takers. Keep the conversation light. Talk about the class, it's something you have in common. Start to make it a regular occurence, a tradition if you will. Go to the same place after class a few times a week. The ones that come with you every time are the ones that enjoy your company. Now you have the beginnings of friendship!