A "negative aura"

Post Reply New Topic

Hm - Maybe I should rephrase that people learn to rely on generally reading faces, but not necessarily on reading microexpressions in the face.

Well, I don't have any intuitive sense of auras, but I think that's an Asperger's thing. I have no doubt that other people make way bigger deals of body language, the way people dress, default facial expressions, tone of voice, the way people talk etc.

I try to duplicate the result of sending-off a good aura though. Like, if you smile more, if you let people talk about themselves, act interested, and compliment people frequently, have an optimistic attitude, laugh while telling jokes, and wear lovely clothes (like individual articles of clothing which are awesome), you'll probably send off good vibes. Also you have a better shot of sending-off good vibes towards someone you actually have good vibes for . . . if you're sharing the company of someone you don't really like that much, well . . . they might pick up on it! But I guess people with Asperger's would have a harder time hiding discomfort than NT people.

I figure I'm probably at the mercy of auras, whether I perceive them or not, so I just go with it and try to make mine better. In a way they sort-of organically steer you towards environments you like, by making awkward situations diffuse and lovely ones flower.

Mostly it depends on the context, but often (around people I don't know) people get this automatic "shields up" response when I walk up and interact with them. And I haven't even said a word or made a facial expression at them yet ! I've seen this too many times for it not to be true. I've been in situations where a clerk will be interacting with somebody standing right next to me, laughing , joking, smiling, ..... then when it's my turn to interact with the clerk I get the "Worf, full shields immediately ! !". I may exaggerate a little but not much.

I kind of feel like I'm disenfranchised from life by this "negative aura". This aura might very well exist, physically that is. But who knows. All I know is if I knew a way to change my state-of-being , and thereby change my "aura", I'd be freakin' doing it right NOW !

We all know being yourself is the easiest most efficient path in life and trying to be something your not will exhaust your energies and put you in a depression, or something worse. So in regards to this aura-thing I'm kind of stuck in a spiritual rut.

My cold and distant parents probably had something to do with my present aura. And I tried to talk to them about it but all I get is they draw their guns, then evade the situation. It's a gut-reaction, an impulse of fear. I wish they weren't like that but that's reality, and that's what I have to deal with.

Thanks for the post, Great topic

Close: I make a point to associate more with folks in social settings than I used to. Every so often, I'm told that I generally seem to be very, very serious or imposing, even intimidating. Evidently this is happening by accident [1].

I can only imagine I've been this way for quite a long time, it's just that I'm around more people who are willing to let me know that I seem to be an okay guy in conversation, but my default expression when I walk into a room seems to be way, way beyond just being polite or distant.

[1] I'm not going to go to an outing to have some brunch, or a meetup of Japanese language enthusiasts, only to stand around looking imposing and spooking people for fun.

This sounds pretty close to what I was talking about in the original post. As far as I could tell, there was nothing unusual about my facial expression or body language. And just like what happened to you in your situation, I wasn't intentionally doing anything to come across that way.

It seems as though whoever mentioned the "vibes" might be close... because there was nothing unusual about my body language, facial expression, or tone of voice. The only facial expressions I noticed on the others were when they looked at me like they were uncomfortable.

Yup... Only thing I've come up with is "normal" for me might be "badass turned to 11" to others. If I could be bothered, I suppose it'd be interesting to have one day of mine (but I wouldn't know which day of the week) filmed while in public, to be reviewed by myself later.

Actually, I suspect this is causing me more-than-usual amounts of friction at work.

"Badass turned to 11"? What do you mean?

I haven't been told that specifically, but I've similarly been told many, many, MANY times that I am a Debbie Downer. I for whatever reason tend to weigh the negative scenario first, mostly unintentionally, and because its not a glass half full response, people look down on my demeanor. An example would be someone talking about a concert they're excited to go to, but its outdoors. I would be the first to add "but what if it rains? will they reschedule?" In my mind, this is a perfectly good opportunity to explore options to evade a possible disaster. Everyone else just sees that I've brought the mood down. I think the whole beating-over-the-head postiive/ ONLY focus on positive aspects while ignoring others thing is an especially American trait, as I've heard from many sources before that Europe and perhaps other places have less of this attitude.

I've been told that I am often unapproachable and intimidating. I am the farthest thing from intimidating, but I guess it's this aura I give off. Apparently, no one says anything to me because I give them glares as if to say "f**k off". I don't understand it personally. I don't mind being approached. I'm not a social butterfly and I'm not a fan of small talk, and I guess since that's what most people seem to do, I seem unapproachable. This isn't very helpful to you I'm sure, but at least know that you're not alone.

And yes, I try to look at things realistically, not pessimistically or optimistically. For this, I get labeled cynical as well.

I have a negative aura definately, because of the way I draw people's attention without doing anything unusual or looking funny in any way. But it doesn't draw people away from me, and it doesn't affect the way people behave and communicate with me in general, it only affects the way strangers are around me. People don't avoid me, in fact it's the opposite. If I'm sitting on the bus and every seat has at least 1 person in, I am normally the first to have somebody sit next to me.

Also I'm like a magnet to the human eye. I get stares all the time, even if people have their back to me they still manage to ''sense'' that I'm coming and just automatically turn round and stare at me, and 9 times out of 10 they don't even know why they're staring at me. Like I said before, I know I'm not doing anything to draw attention (just because I'm Aspie doesn't mean I stim, have bad posture, walk funny, look unusual or other things that draws negative attention), I have enough self-awareness to be able to tell what fits into conformity standards and what doesn't, and (no offense) I'm nowhere near like what some fellow Aspies point out about their behaviour or appearance in public on these forums here. But anyway, that's besides the point, I'm not going to write a 20-paragraph long of words proofing that I don't do anything to stick out to prevent doubt from other people here, all I'm saying is I know I'm elegent and for an anxious Aspie I think I do pretty well, (I should be proud of myself really), so I think the answer to having attention being drawn to me is a very negative aura that surrounds me. It fades away quickly when people talk to me, but if people see me in the street or on the bus or something, they get drawn to my aura and always happen to notice me, whatever I'm doing, even if I'm not looking at them I can still sense that they're staring at me and that they are drawn to my aura. Even when I'm with other Aspies I'm the one who still gets singled out, so it can't be anything to do with AS and body language anyway, it must just be the brightly-coloured aura I happen to be destined with for some strange reason.

I know this because I spend a lot of time discreetly looking at how other people notice eachother. When I'm on the bus and sitting at the back where nobody can see me, I look at the people in front of me and see them looking straight ahead when people are walking past in the street or when people get off the bus, but when I get off the bus or walk by a bus, in my periphery I see faces gawking right out at me, so again it's my aura that has attracted their eye again. It creeps me out pretty much, and it's also very eerie, makes me wonder what will happen after I die, whether I will have a brightly-coloured ghost, the same colour as my attractive aura? Or will I be an evil spirit after I die, freaking innocent people out? This horrible aura I have got makes me not want to die......

My aura... last I heard of that was a long while ago.
Anyway I reckon I do have some negative aura as mine seems to repel a lot... no one comes too close.
Sure I've got family and friends but in a sense though... it's kind of weird that though I can be quite a great person to communicate with, something isn't right and maybe it's the aura... hmmm...

OMG, your acquaintance drops such a huge bomb at you and is unwilling to give any examples or details?! !! What a horrible experience to go through! I'd be devastated for years if it happened to me. And I wouldn't be able to continue relating to this person, she has a compassion problem I think!

The aura comment is too vague to relate to, so I wouldn't even try to decipher what she meant by it. But the other comment: people can be uncomfortable around you for any number of reasons and it can vary a lot from person to person how they feel around you. So analysing this would be relevant only if you have a feeling this happens to you with the large majority of people regardless of circumstances, how much you like them, what your mood is.

I think most people start feeling uncomfortable around me only after some time, which means it's not an "aura" thing but that they start getting to know my values, thoughts, likes, dislikes, in short my personality, and they don't like it. Maybe it's very different from what they're used to, so it doesn't inspire their trust or relaxed feeling of familiarity, maybe they're afraid it'll rub on them and they'll be rejected by society too. Maybe there's ONE thing I shared about me that made them change their whole perception of me, or which makes them remember something that they prefer to forget, so my presence is uncomfortable to them. Eg: when I was 9 years old, I had a classmate who was about 12, she used to love to hang with me, I was ok / indifferent about her. One day we were all happily getting on the school bus to go on a trip day, when she arrived all flustered explaining to me (and anyone else at a hearing distance) that she'd gotten delayed because she got her period and she had had to go to the toilet and change, etc. etc. - this was tmi for me, back then at the age I was girls didn't talk about that and weren't prepared to deal with that. After that, it always stayed on my mind and I felt very, very uncomfortable around her. Since then she always felt pathetic to me. I don't know why. ONE thing can make someone uncomfortable around you forever. One reason could be people see you as pathetic.