Do You Ever Feel "Guilty" About Your Acting?

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Sometimes I find it unfortunate that like many Aspies, since childhood I've had to study and mimic people in order to be a part of 'mainstream' society. Of course I still have my quirks and awkward moments, but studying Psychology and Sociology formally has helped me understand how NT brains function on a finer level and I've adapted quite well.

However there are moments when I feel some anxiety about how often I need to put on a good show to keep the people in my life happy. One of the biggest problems is when my NT fiancee is affectionate toward me, and 85% of the time I have to force myself to reciprocate. Former boyfriends have always described me as 'cold' or an 'Ice Queen' because back in my high school days, I hadn't quite perfected the acting thing yet and I didn't know about AS.

Sometimes it's hard for me to convince myself that I'm not living a perpetual lie by doing this constantly...

I do, yeah. Recently I have been realizing that I am not as honest as I used to be.. which is something I always prided myself on but (of course) quickly learned that people don't want to hear the truth. So often I will just hold my tongue or "water down" my opinion instead of being blunt about it like I used to. Which, in some ways is a good thing since it makes things easier.. but I have been feeling like a sell-out lately I'd prefer to be able to be blunt but people can't handle it. So, really, is it wrong for me to try to accomidate thier sensitivities or would it be wrong to force my way of communicating on them and say well "This is how I am, deal with it!" ?

Its just that for years I have always told people that I am extremely honest and they always say "Oh yeah, me too! I can't believe how some people lie so much blah blah blah" but invariably something would that proves to me that they mean a completely different thing by "honest" than I do and I'd end up disappointed. Now I feel like I am more THAT type of honest than my original definition and it's somewhat depressing

Xkandakex , i sometimes wonder the same thing ...im actually going to post a new thread somewhere later.... "However there are moments when I feel some anxiety about how often I need to put on a good show to keep the people in my life happy. " I sometimes feel anxiety about acting because i feel like its a lie ...i try to look at it as i am doing a good deed because its what the NTs want (like my dad , grandma , family) and it seems when i dont do the acting i end up offending on accident. Other times when people show affection and i dont feel the same i wonder "should i be feeling something ?" and i wonder where their feelings are coming from... because a lot of times i don't feel the same, particularly people i dont know / like / or just casually associate with. But i do like affection with people i reallly like though ...only when its not forced

Yeah, sometimes I do. I work in child care and I find I have to act a lot. Sometimes it's really hard and sometimes it can be emotionally draining. I find I act in relationships and even in the family when you hug and say I love you. I mean I do but the whole act of hugging and kissing throws me off.

I kind of feel like i am doing everyone else a favor when i "act". So no i don't feel bad at all. I still hold the same standards though.

I do hate it though when someone askes me a question expecting me to lift them up when they have done nothing to deserve it. If i don't do it then im the as*hole lol.

People hate me when I don't act. I hate myself when when I do. It's a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. When I act, there always comes the point when the curtain closes and the show ends. Yes, many people applaud, but they applaud the character. I always go home broken-hearted knowing that my character is just that, a character; he is made up, not real, never has been nor never will be.

No, I don't feel guilty. I don't change myself, I only accentuate certain features and diminish others.

If it makes it easier for me, I don't care. Most of the time.

Occasionally I wonder about the consequences, whether people know the 'real' me. But the people who matter know. And face it, even NTs change themselves to fit the situation.

I have worked in child-care before and to be honest I used to find it very hard to not get down to their level. I remember when my nephew was about 2 years old and I was 12 my parents got him some legos for christmas. I got down to the floor with him and played for hours. I have to admit I had a lot of fun doing it, too. My sister told my mom something had to be wrong with me to be able to get down to a 2-year old level and could barely get exited about my own presents.

I made it a point since then to be very introverted with things I love.