Bluestockings wrote:
I've recently had some insight into why neurotypicals behave the way they do and I thought I would share. My Asperger's traits become more pronounced due to my diet which gives me certain insights into the differences between Asperger's and neurotypicality. When my Asperger's is full-blown, I discover that I am completely not picking up on certain aspects of neurotypical nonverbal clues that help to explain their behavior. I'm hoping to help Aspies who are further along on the spectrum than me. There are 3 core nonverbals that I don't pick up on:
1) Expressions of exhaustion. Neurotypicals betray tiredness in the face and body that I think a lot of Aspies don't pick up on. The important fact is that neurotypicals are mentally exhausted most of the time. Aspies may be exhausted from social interaction: Neurotypicals are exhausted from just basic rational thinking because less of their brains are devoted to it. Because social interaction is so easy and rewarding for them (I'll get to the rewarding part later), they prefer to spend their time doing this. I think they wish they were more well-read, more knowledgeable etc but at the end of the day, they're just too tired.
2) Nonverbals betraying intimidation or low self-esteem. Most neurotypicals have extremely low self-esteem which they probably do a decent job of hiding, but when they are very intimidated, they will show this in their face and body language. I think to Aspies, neurotypicals appear to be very confident people but this is in fact far from the truth. Neurotypicals make an effort not to intimidate or hurt their friends' self-esteem further. But this is very complicated and ties in with the last nonverbal.
3) Looks of love. Neurotypicals faces shine with "looks of love." They show it with their eyes and tone of voice primarily. Neurotypicals are constantly saying nasty things to each other while at the same time shooting each other looks of love. It's like saying, "You're hair looks crazy today," while their eyes and voice are saying "but I love you for it." Talk about mixed messages! The same way that Aspies love to figure out riddles and solve puzzles, these are "social" puzzles for neurotypicals that they love playing with and figuring out. It's considered "sophisticated" social interaction. Plus, the looks of love are very rewarding for them and make them feel warm and fuzzy inside. So as an Aspie observing how "mean" neurotypicals are to each other, I may think it's okay to say mean things and then am shocked when the group turns on me in anger. It's because I don't/can't accompany these words with "looks of love." Plus, I may be saying something mean to someone in the group who has betrayed to the rest of the group that they are already intimidated by my book knowledge. So I should be trying to make this person feel more at ease instead of being rude. Self-deprecating humor is great for this. Being more outgoing helps as well, because I think in general, neurotypicals are intimidated by us.
^^ Thank you very much for this advice Bluestockings. I believe that within the past, I became very confused as two of my happy friends appeared to insult one another very often, however I believe that they may have formed a relationship with one another.
01 Apr 2012, 9:42 am
