How should I handle this? (2 things)

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"John" works at the same store at me and he said that he would be interested in playing basketball sometime. Should I just ask for his number so we can figure out what time would work and meet at the gym?

I work with "Jane" a lot, so unsurprisingly I like her a lot. I feel like I should try to ask her if she wants to go to a movie with me or something.

I have only had this job for a few weeks.

Sounds like a good plan to me.



Do you mean "like" as in romantically? Demonstrating romantic interest at work can be awkward if it's not reciprocated. However, if you don't say anything then you might never know if she'd like to go do something fun with you.

Go for it on both counts. If either becomes romantic, though, that's a whole different kettle of fish. Workplace romances are very difficult and can be costly.

Does Jane send you any signals that she likes you and would be open to a date?

If you are talking to John, why not just make arrangements then and there? Why not ask for an email rather than a number?

Jane- we are friends; what's are those signals you are talking about ? I would have no idea either way.

John- going to text him about date and time to meet for basketball. Email would seem odd I think. Texting is still nicely informal.

Since you work together, my suggestion would be to try to figure out if Jane is interested in you before you ask her on a date. NTs do this little dance, rather than just being direct, to avoid embarrassment and bad feelings.

For starters:

Are you and Jane friends outside of work, or are you strictly coworkers?

Do you know she is single?

Has she ever asked you if you have a girlfirend?

Has she ever touched you?

What types of questions does she ask you?

What types of things you talk about?

coworkers, I just started working there recently. I don't have any friends outside of work (in my area) moved there a few months ago.

no. Should I ask her? wouldn't that be a little obvious? Would it be better to ask her sister (Her sister works there too. I don't think I should, but might as well ask it here)?


no, she knows that I moved hear recently


no, I do not like touch most of the time.



I dunno. Things to get to know each other better. We work together and I have only been working there for a few weeks.

One time I helped her with something (without asking) and she said Rude! I was surprised and asked what (in a tone that I did not know what I did wrong). She kinda laughed and said she was joking. I said "Oh, I don't get sarcasm". Jane: Okay, I was just saying how you always seem to be able to fix things (complement and she thought it was funny). We had been having a good time. She laughed when I thought of using a ball as a level for the shelves we were putting up.

And if this matters I am okay with if she says no. I won't freak out or be depressed. Of course I would like her to say yes, but I am okay with her saying no.

@Ana6 what brought you to this site if you don't mind me asking.

for john; yes, go for it. perhaps try so set a date quickly on the spot, and offer to call after work if that doesn't work (on the spot is usually better for making appointments).

as for jane; i dont really know, but seeing a movie is usually harmless, you might want to try and find out which movies she likes, to improve success.
something along the lines of "what do you think of *insert movie that's out recently*?", if she replies with the interest to go see it; offer to join her.

Hi Delphiki. I had an idea recently for a one-act play to enter in my local fringe festival next year. It involves an NT and someone with aspergers starting a relationship. I am here to learn and because I want my characters to be authentic. I hope that doesn't bother anyone.



I am not saying there is anything bad about the direct approach and just asking her out. If that is who you are as a person, maybe you should just go with your instincts.

I get you will be fine if she says no. My suggestion to feel things out first was more about her than you. If a guy asks me out and I say no, I will most likely feel weird around him afterwards, and end up avoiding him. Not all women are like me, but some are.

If a guy asks me if I have a bf, or what type of guys I like to date, of course I know he is interested in me and thinking of asking me out. But, it is my chance to give him a green light or a red light, before the question has actually been asked. If I send a red light, and he backs off, we can both pretend the whole thing never happened, and I don't feel weird around him. If I give the green light, it helps build my own anticipation about him asking me out in the future. If I am not sure how I feel about the guy, this can actually help me develop a bit of a crush, because it might start me thinking about him in a more romantic way, without the pressure of having to say yes or no to a date, right there on the spot.

Considering some people on this forum are very literal, I would clarify NOT offering to join her, as that might come off as rude, but instead offering for her to join you. It's only a difference in semantics to some people, but it's the difference between seeming like you are inviting yourself along to something that she may already have planned with others versus inviting her out for a date depending on how it's executed. "Would you mind if I tag along," is kind of a nice way of offering to join someone else, but it's usually only used when someone knows for sure that their presence would not be an intrusion ahead of time prior to asking the question (it's really just there for courtesy and appearances), and it definitely isn't used to convey a more romantic interest if that is your intent.