How should I show affection?
I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for 4 months and I like her and care for her alot, but i don't know how to show my affection.
I feel kind of disjointed when it comes to showing affection. such as when I am 'supposed' to give her a hug, I don't because I don't under the social cue.
could you give me some pointers on what to do?
These kind of social cues are mostly non-verbal. Body language is a big part of it. For example, hugs are offered by spreading arms and smiling. A lot of us just kind of pick up on the cues and react automatically without really thinking about the fact we have been sent signals.
For things like a kiss, step in your target's personal space (within arms reach). If she starts avoiding eye-contact, steps back or seems uncomfortable in any way, don't make any moves.
Intuition has a lot to do with knowing when a gesture is appropriate. Since you've been going out for four months, I highly doubt she would have a problem with hugs as a greeting or goodbye. As for kisses... Well, I think you would be a better judge of when the right moment is. Just make sure you both are nice and comfortable, and be aware of any tense vibes as you lean in.
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Maerlyn138
Velociraptor
Joined: 2 Nov 2005
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 499
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
The one cue I know, only because I read it somewhere and noticed it in conversation, is that when speaking to your boy/girl friend if they glance at your lips and back to your eyes a few times during a conversation, they are thinking about kissing you. I had a hard time with this too when I was younger. I would just jump in and try to start making out with my first girlfriend. She would kiss me back, but seemed confused as to why I picked that specific time to make a move like that. IDK, man, I guess it just takes practice. I can't point to a single example to really nail it down for you. good luck though.
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Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
LOL - I tend to look at people's lips when they are talking so that I can understand them better through lip reading, or sometimes just because that's the part of their face that's moving, so it gets my attention if I'm looking at them. I also saw a psychological test that showed most people on the spectrum will look at lips and other facial features instead of eyes. You might want to make sure you aren't randomly kissing girls at that meetup on Sunday!
Maerlyn138
Velociraptor
Joined: 2 Nov 2005
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 499
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
LOL - I tend to look at people's lips when they are talking so that I can understand them better through lip reading, or sometimes just because that's the part of their face that's moving, so it gets my attention if I'm looking at them. I also saw a psychological test that showed most people on the spectrum will look at lips and other facial features instead of eyes. You might want to make sure you aren't randomly kissing girls at that meetup on Sunday!
That's funny, I look at lips too in order to lip read a little too! I hope those male doctors don't think I want to kiss them!! Aww, but I really wanted the hookup at Sundays Aspie meeting, lol!!
_________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
I feel kind of disjointed when it comes to showing affection. such as when I am 'supposed' to give her a hug, I don't because I don't under the social cue.
could you give me some pointers on what to do?
Hm, usually the problem with dating someone on the spectrum is them not showing any affection at all or simply not showing enough for the other person's needs. Has your girlfriend complained that you are not showing enough and/or appropriate levels of affection? It's really easy to over think this. If you feel like showing her affection, then go slowly with your movements and see if she is being reciprocating. If you are unsure if you are showing too much or not enough affection, at some point in private you can simply ask her. Also, regardless of what she says, make sure that you are comfortable with whatever levels of affection you decide to show. If she requests a little more affection and you are okay with it, then everything is good, but if she requests more and you are not okay with it, then you'll have to discuss it with her. A good long-term relationship will eventually work its way into a level that is comfortable for both partners.