Does anyone else feel like theyve gotten too close to people

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When i was younger, I used to push friends away. I would get panicked, because I felt like they had gotten too close and expected too much of me. I've done it again recently, and now I am getting the panicked feeling again. I feel like i have exposed too much of myself. i start thinking about the future, and wonder, "does this person think our friendship is forever?" and "What if one day i just want to let it fizzle out?"

Some friendships aren't meant to be forever and i wind up thinking about that, and wondering if I've shared to much of myself and i get scared.

Yes.

I've pushed many away throughout my life for various reasons, the funniest ones though have been in the past where I've been talking to a Girl, asking her questions, interested in hearing about this and that, just focusing solely on her (ADHD + ASD + I'm a stare-r xD), and ofc I've picked up on people smile when others smile by that time, so when She smiles I smile, thinking why you stopped talking? lol. And then there is a moment, time pauses and She leans in, and then I push.

WTH you doing!?!?
The look on Girls faces when they realise that you don't like them, ugh, it's a killer : /
*confused* Don't you like me???
I guess??
*Girl confused, eyes filling up, grabs her coat/bag and gets up to leave*

LOL.

My Girl now, the Girl of my dreams, I feel the urge to push her away when She tries to be affectionate, but i've explained to her that I don't like it and that i'm working on it. So it's all ok... for now? xD


Sounds to me ShadesOfMe that you lower expectance success/ length for friendships/relationships so if it does go wrong, you are prepared and doesn't effect you as much. Perhaps you get scared because if you share a lot of yourself, you feel there isn't much left to you anymore, so you think why would they be interested in knowing me any more? I'm still struggling with the fact that friendships/relationships aren't solely/mostly based on what you can do or say or be of use/entertainment, friendships/relationsihps are so much more than that, it's just stupidly difficult to grasp : /

It's like "So i've told you all about me, you've told me all about you, so guess that's it, it's been nice knowing you Bye"
MADNESS! xD

Hmm, do you mean you tell them, then freak and "want to take it back" ?

That sounds like normal behaviour to me.

If it's a secret that you usually hold back which is one which holds you back, you need to get a new secret, cause that ain't no secret, it's an excuse.

I don't know whether you think mostly about the past and live through that, are mostly present and conscious in the now, or whether you're a dreamer. Me as ASD and ADHD, I focus (when can xD) what's infront of me, but my mind drifts to the future more often than not.

A lot of people live in the past, if you do and you're trying to move forward, know that you can change the meaning of your past yourself either consciously or with education. (exposure of secret or such is ofc another way but that's difficult).

Did you know every time we recall a memory it changes a little bit?
Also the state we're in when we remember a memory also effects it!

If a memory brings up anxiety or emotion for you, keep in mind emotions are for feeling not being!

Check out some NLP stuff, Richard Bandler style if you're interested in changing how you perceive your memories/secrets so they effect you differently