Fooled by colleague

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I don't have any friends in my office
A colleague recently said that we should share ordering our lunch
so we ordered from a restaurant and shared the bill.
another week again we ordered a meal and since she didn't have change
i decided to pay and waited for her to return my change
but she didn't pay up
now today after couple of weeks i broached up the topic
but she says that she had paid the money and i am the one who needs
to pay her.
she is not ready to listen to me.

I felt cheated and hurt
i just left office early and without informing
it really hurt me to be betrayed this way.

Most likely, she (incorrectly) viewed it as criticism and attack, and she counter-attacked.

She lacks social skills in this regard. And you perceive correctly that she is not ready to listen, whatever her issues.

conseder(SP) it a cheap lesson, w/ her, not everyone is like that, but she is

I don't think you're going to get your money back.

It sucks, but some people are like that . t's impossible to tell in advance. There's a slim chance that she may be making an honest mistake too. Don't pay her though, and don't ever lend her money again.

Maybe her 'memory' would have been better if you'd reminded her earlier, but then again it's tricky knowing how soon to ask for money back; by rights, you shouldn't have to!

(btw, I'm not sure it's a good idea to leave the office without telling people; that won't change how she acted and might get you in trouble_

i won't be paying her and definitely not lending again
also i would just be avoiding her even i noticed lately she started avoiding me
i agree i should not leave office without informing.
i just signed the muster and left since i was in no mood and just wanted to get
out of the sickly atmosphere.

It happens, you'll learn who pays you back and who doesn't.

It's not a huge deal though.

it leaves me shattered.
since i am over sensitive

It is a big deal. She stabbed you in the back. I mean, she let you down in a major way. And this after you showed her kindness and decency.

It's probably her own immaturity and her own issues, but it's still a big deal.

yes its totally against basic human nature
we are no lesser then animals then
what difference remains between us and a pack of hyena fighting for the deadbodies meat

She should have made a point to have the change and pay you back the very next time she was at work.

exactly

Hi, there might be a way to finesse the situation. Maybe you could ask her how she's doing and a little bit of brief conversation, and important to be brief and then say something like, 'You know, I really was not trying to give you a hard time. Honest to gosh, I really remember that it was me who paid for that meal.' [pause]

She might pick up on it. Probably, she doesn't have the social skills.

A little bit you would be giving her an out and an opportunity.

And you are focusing on it from your perspective. Your phrasing is not blaming her.

But the whole thing would be a bit of a long shot as she probably just doesn't have the skills and maturity, and none of us can make a person grow faster.

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And as fall back position and self-defense, under no circumstances should you pay twice for the meal. If necessary, just say something like 'I've got to go with what I remember.'

And please trust your gut instincts regarding all of this.

Money and colleagues is such a delicate issue, most employees will do anything not to have money transactions between them so as not to create a situation where it's uncomfortable, because you have to see each other every day whether you want to or not, and work with each other.

I personally would ask her how much I owe her and give her the money immediately, with a happy face, then never in a lifetime lend a co-worker a dime again, just to avoid making enemies in the office. It's hard enough for me to keep a job without these things already.

If they don't have change, then they shouldn't order lunch. If after you pay her, she ever suggests ordering lunch together again, you can get revenge the way NTs do: give her a very nice excuse but that it's clear it's an excuse, yet she can't call you on it. Something like: "I'd love to, but I have an upset stomach today so I'm sticking to tea and toast. Maybe some other time." This is what hurts the most, and if something will make them re-think their attitude, this is it. Giving them the freedom to discover, in privacy with themselves and without losing face, how much they lost from behaving badly towards you.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAuSTQUa3tM[/youtube]

she is a old lady aged around 50 she is having short term memory problems
and as goofed up earlier with other colleagues also
and people cant tolerate her much
her behaviour should have been predictable for me
but i am that fool who anyone can fool easily
i should have been careful with her

I agree with everything Moondust suggested. I'm a (NT) sociologist and I used to work as a manager in an IT department, where I was good friends with an aspie.

I think you should look at this as an opportunity to protect yourself from someone who is being rude and stupid to you and therefore making your work life hard to deal with.

Temple Grandin has said that when feeling a potential meltdown at work, it's optimal for aspies to be able to get away on their own so they can refocus and calm down. However, this may not be an option. Leaving work can get you in trouble. Something else Grandin said, which I totally agree with and think is genius, is that if you are ever pushed to an extreme point at work, to remember that CRYING is socially acceptable, whereas yelling, stimming, and leaving are not.

For some reason, crying at work is never a punishable offense at work in any circumstance. So crying or pretending to cry is a good way to express that you can't take any more and need to get away to the bathroom or parking lot for awhile.