Bluntness and feeling bad about it

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A lot of aspies (myself included) struggle with bluntness and can be a little too honest sometimes with other people. However, after a few hours, when I realize that I've said something offensive or hurtful to other people, I tend to feel very bad about it and this can sometimes ruin the rest of my day.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

Yup, this tends to happen during the rare times I socialize with a group. I enjoy conjecture for its own sake and, if I'm speaking to someone who doesn't know me that well, this can come across as being confrontational and judgemental. If you only hear sound-bytes that's how it's going to come across and unfortunately I don't always have time to explain where I'm coming from. Aside from the usual marital squabbles, my most recent blunder involved a discussion with a friend of my wife about a phone number swapping with a man who isn't her fiance. Apparently she thinks I hate her and, as such, she's decided she dislikes me too. Oh well. I'll never lie but I should try to be little smoother next time.

Well, not really, because I am usually (but not always!) aware of when something is going to come across as blunt. So my issue is that I end up not saying much. I hold my tongue a lot. It takes too long to think of a more subtle way to say something, or to think of something different to say, so I say nothing. It's the same characteristic, but a different negative side to it

Twenty or thirty years ago, I was extremely likely to tell unvarnished the truth in cases where a little white lie was really the way to go.

For example, if you asked me what I thought of what you were wearing, I'd tell you. If you put a lot of effort into cooking a meal and then asked me how I'd like it, I would tell you flat out what I thought of it, good or bad.

It took a while, but because of all the hurt feelings I caused, I eventually learned not to do that. Now, your clothes look great even if they really make you look like a clown. Your food was very good even if it was all I could do to choke it down.

+1 I'm still learning that I have to say things to make the person feel better. If I realize I say something a little blunt that may offend them, I quickly say "oops I'm sorry, that was a little blunt." Practice makes perfect pencils. :p

All the time.

A few nights ago I was talking to some acquaintances, made what I thought was a neutral observation, and was immediately told, "You don't just say things like that!". ...Therefore I simply ceased saying things for the rest of the night, because of the risk of doing that again and because I was too busy mulling over what an idiot I am.

Of course I remember individual instances of this sort of thing - some of them are practically burned into my brain - and make a point of not saying that particular thing again, but it never fails that I think of some new way of unintentionally offending people.

That was sharp

resounding yes!

Happens. For me the best way around it is to resolve to try not to do it again.

Yes that really solves the problem. Just tell autistic people to shut up.

I appreciate when people are blunt; I do not appreciate vagueness or attempts at being coy. Cold hard fhonesty may hurt but it is hard to misinterpret.

I absolutely HATE to tell 90% of "white" lies. Probably because I hate to be white-lied to myself. If my clothes or cooking aren't up to par, I 1,000,000 times prefer constructive criticism so I can IMPROVE it, over a white lie that will make me continue to do things the same way that you, deep down, don't like!!

Constructive is another key word. Simply saying it "sucks" is hurtful WITHOUT giving me information, so it benefits nobody.

This. ^

I also hate lying by omission. If there is something wrong and you DON'T tell me, that is worse, to me, than outright insulting me.

Same here. I try not to be completely uncouth, but anything too subtle doesn't blip on my radar. I'm not trying to be intentionally hurtful though.

Offensive, inappropriate, still doing it. The only way I can fix it, is to rather to not write or say anything, but then I'll be mute.

Being too blunt all the time can be adjusted into "politely honest" fairly easily (say in a few years) if you're committed to learning how NTs communicate. And it's worth it too, because then you'lll be able to communicate your thoughts with less frustration and the weird things that NTs do will start to make more sense. This should result in a less stressful environment overall, since it's a NT world we all live in.

It's good to get in the habit of asking someone to tell you what you did wrong if you get the sense that you were too blunt and then asking them to give you an alternative. Then you can build that into your decision tree of what is polite to say or do.

For example, if someone asks if something makes them look fat and it does, you can say: "It doesn't flatter you" or "It's not cut right".