Wouldn't you consider this rude behavior?

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I messaged my friend on facebook to chat with him and I guess he was afk and it was his gf online. I have never met her before or talked to here before in my life...not even online. So this was the first time I had ever talked with her and it was completely unexpected. Anyway, I asked her where Bryan (my friend/her bf) was and she told me that he was sleeping. Out of the blue, she told me that he is a p**** and that he has ED (erectile dysfunction for those who don't know). This already seems pretty rude to both me and to her bf as well, but there is more. She tells me that she feels sad and then asks me if I had ED and then I told her thankfully no, but that I would rather not talk about this with her. I told her that I'm sure that her and her bf can figure out this issue. Then she tells me that she will take a shower and asks me if I want to watch her. I told her that I don't want to see one of my best friend's gf's naked. I told her that I respect our friendship too much for that. Then I told her that we can be friends and that maybe if I return to California from China (where I work now), that we could hangout as friends. Then she told me that is was really really good to meet me and I hope to see you in California!! ! She is obviously over exaggerating and just teasing me and being immature. I mean how can I watch her take a shower (aside from a ethical perspective)? The water would just get the laptop wet and destroy it. Also, I never met this woman even once before. Bryan did mention to me that his gf often gets depressed and he tries to help her, but doesn't really know how to handle her when she is like that. Maybe she was just acting strange because she was depressed or does she just seem immature? By the way, this girl is Japanese. There are many Japanese girls I have met that have strange, tease personalities like this. I am not saying that all Japanese girls like this, but I have met my fair share of them. To the women on here...does my friend's gf seem lonely and serious about cheating or does she just seem like an immature cock tease? Not that she arroused me at all. I would never cheat with her on my good friend. This is someone I have known since grade school. Maybe she is mad at him and wants to cheat with me to hurt him and ruin our friendship? Even if she was joking and teasing 100%...deep down on a subconscious level...why would ANY gf tell her friend (whom she hasn't even met) that her bf is a "p**** and has ED"? Then ask me if I have ED and ask me to watch her take a shower? I found it to be extremely rude. The strange thing is my friend told me next time we spoke that she was just joking. Seems like a really inappropriate and immature way to joke and socialize in general. By the way, I develop apps with her bf (my friend) so I will need to hang around him all the time for work and she will most likely be around, being his gf and all. How can I possibly get along with her and avoid more awkward teasing like this? To the women on here once again...what do you make of this girl's possible intentions and overall state of mental health? Much help would be appreciated.

I find this to make no sense. It seems more nonsensical for no apparent reason than rude.

Honestly? I think she was just joking. She was probably just bored at the time and decided to mess with you for a bit of fun. I doubt what she said about your friend was true - I think she just threw the topic out there to put you into an uncomfortable position for her own enjoyment.
I'd advise you to take what she says really lightly in future - she probably feels comfortable enough to tease you because of your friend, and you'll be subjected to it a bit in future, so try to just roll with the punches I doubt she means any harm.

Well she sounds like an immature idiot to me. The fact that she needs to tease people like this and make jokes about her own bf when he isn't around...seems messed up to me. Unfortunately, her bf is one of my best friends, so I will have to just ignore her and her stupidity. Thanks for the help people...although I thought I would get more people posting than just a few replies haha.

I think she crossed a lot of boundaries - with you, her bf and herself (there's no dignity left). Her behaviour has nothing to do with depression but I do question her mental health. As the best friend, allowing her to continue, by humiliating her boyfriend, was not cool - joking or not. After all, you were just some random guy on the phone (not a trusting buddy she's joking with), and I would have hung up the phone.

On another note, you expressed you're interest in becoming her new friend, and made generic plans to meet up with her, next time you're in town. So now I question the friendship you have with your friend, as well. The line should have been drawn from the beginning and as a best friend, you owe him that much.

Last edited by ASDsmom on 30 Jan 2013, 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know if that is really rude as it is disrespectful to her boyfriend and someone with no morals.

@ASD mom: First off, I think you misunderstood. We were not talking on the phone. We were chatting online and I thought it was my best friend joking with me. He has pretended to be somebody else but usually always admits that it is him after a few minutes. However, this time it was clearly not him and that is when I realized that it really was his strange and annoying gf, whom I don't even know. I didn't "allow" her to humiliate him. I was defending him and our friendship the entire time. I shot her down when she started talking about random sex with me. That was when I was done talking with her, so I told her that I would be cool with meeting her WITH my friend. You must have thought I wanted to hangout with her without him...that wasn't what I meant at all...

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Upon reading this, I really don't think it is a good idea for you to meet this girl at all and not even with your friend. For starters, if she is going to talk to you a certain way the first time, then you know right there that you have several red flags. Even if you met, it would not be real.

@Summer Twilight - Well how do you think she will talk to me and do you think she might actually like me as more than a friend? I am not interested in her and I wouldn't ever cheat with her. I don't want to meet her ever actually. I just worry that one day, while me and my friend are working on some software together...she will show up and that will be the first encounter...

It really all depends. Some people who act like that mask so well in front of their special someone and then behind their back they act all over you. There is being a flirt and then there is just plain "Guy crazy." She sounds an awful lot like that type.

Ok. I may have misunderstood what "afk" was.



This is where I would have said good-bye.


I'm assuming your friend had already told you how she can be sometimes.. she played a trick on you, and you waited to hear more?


The advice should have been given to the best friend, not the stranger you've never met. This is why I say, "you allowed her to "humiliate" him" .. by continuing on with this particular conversation.


Hm?? Why would you want to hang out with this person, who is being disrespectful to your friend? Even to hang out as JUST friends? The answer to her first question was: good bye "click"..


Nope. Instead, she's accepted your invitation. Girl says, "want to see me naked?" Man says, "maybe if I return to California we could hangout as friends".


Doesn't matter how. You gave her the green light by making tentative plans with her. Plus, maybe she's done this before and has already figured out how NOT to wet the laptop.


So why make plans? It would be more appropriate for her boyfriend to make these plans with the three of you, not you.. and especially after the conversation you've already had.


Ah.. so her teasing worked on ya. Part of you enjoyed the conversation and part of you felt guilty about it. That's a perspective, anyway.


No?


There are a lot of "maybe's" because she's a virtual stranger to you. That's why I question YOUR role in this. If you found her to be extremely rude, why did you stay on the phone?


Be direct with her and draw that line in the sand.


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Alienboy - I assume you are on the spectrum. Those of us on the spectrum do have a tough time with boundaries and I think maybe ASDmom doesn't quite get that. I've found myself in all sorts of awkward situations because I feel super awkward being rude even if the person deserves it. Sometimes I just can't do it. I think that's what has happened here.

She sounds messed up, dude. That's all I have to say on that.

ASDsmom is telling the correct way of dealing with her. Once she writes something inappropriate like that, you close the conversation. She is disrespectful and clearly messed up. I would advice my friend to get rid of her. Avoid inappropriate people because they know no boundaries and can put you in all kinds of troublesome situations.

Sounds like she was angry at your friend and felt rejected. You did just fine. You were clear, polite and kept referring to your friend. I would have screwed up.
Good job.
Do you think she has Borderline Personality Disorder?

My interpretation was not to insult the OP. As an outsider, I was explaining how his reaction may have communicated something that the OP may not have realized - hence, the continuation of their conversation. I was playing the devil's advocate. I didn't assume the OP was in the spectrum, especially since it wasn't stated, so I responded in a black/white sort of way. Whether or not he's in the spectrum, the basis of his post was to ask us for our opinions with regards to this girl's behaviour. It takes 2 to have a conversation - whether it's a positive one or not. The OP simply needs to understand how he contributed and why it went as far as it did.

I think that being polite but short is the best way. And really hard.

I do not know what I would have done.