Small talk

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Does anyone else just not understand how to react to small talk from strangers sometimes?

Today I was buying a new laptop and when I got to the counter I stopped for a moment to transfer the neccessary funds into my checking account using my iPhone. A checkout girl walks up to me and asks if I'm ready to check out. I responded that I was just transferring funds. This is how our conversation proceeded:

Her: "Oh my god! I looooovvvvveeee mobile banking!"

Me: "heh"

(Awkward pause)

Her: "Like sometimes I'm at the school cafe and they're like 'your card is denied!' And I'm like, wait a second, I can fix this!"

Me: "heh"

(Awkward pause)

Me: "Ok, I'm ready"


I just don't get how I'm supposed to respond in situations like that. I don't want to be stand offish or awkward, I just have no concept of what to say. Does anyone else have this problem or advice?

I had the same thing happen to me today when i was out grocery shopping and the girl that worked there was
a chatty type that asked how my night was so i just said i was fine but not many
people know that if your talking to someone in a supermarket and someone is talking to you
when your paying for something i can get really frustrated and almost blurt out in the middle of conversations.

I try to avoid small talk as much as possible.I can relate to the awkward pauses to,it happens to me a lot.

I find that smiling, nodding, and agreeing is sufficient when a person that you have to deal with (in your case, a bank teller) wants to chat about nothing. They want to be acknowledged and appreciated.

Proper ways to respond, to keep a conversation going:

1.) "What on earth is mobile banking?"
2.) "OMG I love mobile banking too!! I use it all the time!"
3.) "Really? I can't stand mobile banking myself, I just do it when I have to"

Simple: ask open-ended questions.

So I'm thinking about this....this situation doesn't seem like a time where you want a conversation. She just want to pass the time for a few seconds while you guys complete the transaction. She might also just be making a statement, not expecting anything substantial in return.

You could start a conversation, but then you have to be ready for cues saying that she needs to take the next customer, or she's not interested in a long term thing. But maybe you respond back, and she sparks up because you show interest, and next thing you know you think she likes you, or , then it gets complicated....

I'd probably impulsively get into a conversation and say something weird.....

I've actually been told I'm good at "small talk". Just reply with some banal observation or give your own personal experience with whatever you're talking about. Commiserate with how they feel about the situation! "I know! That's ridiculous, isn't it!"

The social problem I have the most is knowing when not to (and resisting the urge to) ramble. I have no problem giving them the kind of thing they want, but can sometimes struggle a bit with how much to give them.

The only way I manage around it is to let them talk.

People love the sound of their voice.

So basically, in small talk, try to ask questions that might lead to a long, winded answer.

For some reason, asking these in a way that gives them the chance to keep flapping their lips about whatever inane subject they themselves jumped into is perceived as you being interested in it.

...and best of all, you can tune them out most of the time


it takes a little practice to do and yes, its cynical and side effects may include feeling a bit dirty for doing so and neural constipation from prolonged exposure to small talk.

On the other side, who knows, she could be thinking "oh, hes not responding, did I do or say something wrong"

Yeah, I think that for talking to cashiers, bank tellers, and so forth, simply smiling and being polite will suffice. Sometimes if it is a subject that actually interest me, I will try to make a few small comments. But it's only if you want or need to get to know someone that there's really a need to show that much interest.

I think you do not need to answer in kind if you do not want to. You can ask any question or thank the staff for their help and tell them that you need their assitance in something or that you are busy. Be honest and polite. That will make you more confident. Small talk is something I do not understand either, and it is best to avoid things that are hard to understand.

My disdain for small talk is ultimately what keeps me friendless and alone. I just hate small talk that much. I like having friends and interacting with friends, but the process of getting from stranger to friend is so tedious I generally avoid it. For me, talking is about the exchange of useful/relevant/interesting information. If I don't know a person, I can't have a conversation with them because I don't know enough about them to have a conversation that meets that criteria. I've been told to ask someone about their job as I guess that's a common small talk topic. My reaction is (again, this is assuming the person is a complete stranger to me) why would I want to know about their job? Assuming I never see this person again, what use will that information be to me later on?