Struggle between rational and irrational

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Dear all,

I wonder whether you've ever experienced what I've gone through today. I sent a message to a good friend asking if she's been to the doctor on Saturday as she's been telling me for weeks now that she is depressed and needs to visit a doctor to get some treatment. After sending it I had something of a meltdown or panick attack, which is still lingering at the moment four hours later.

I somehow felt I had to send her the email to show concern, but now on reflection I feel I went against my nature and that she would have let me know about the doctor's appointment in her own time, I feel somehow I've intruded. Also I feel I don't want such a close friendship and so again I went against my nature and given her the wrong message. All in all I feel very bad for showing concern!

That awful feeling triggered me and led me to send a text to somebody else I would also have preferred to leave alone until we met in person, which compounded my panic as I felt I had crossed a line, again I got in touch to show concern but deep down perhaps I didn't really feel the need to do so, that might be what is making me feel bad, having done something I deep down felt unecessary and violating. I have many irrational fears and this panic might well be part of that but I wish I could go back to feeling ok more quickly.

Any suggestions/comments welcome - about this struggle between rational mind / doing the right thing and ensuing strong emotions.

I think you're not alone. I quite often feel like I'm on the brink between sending the wrong message (that I want to be close friends) or offending the person when all I want to do is be nice. And I spend way too much time over anylizing even the smallest of exchanges. Cringe! My advise is just to keep practicing with the whole being a friend thing and don't worry too much about the repercussions. You can always shut the door, turn off the phone and take a break from the world whenever you need to. And also I tend to tell people I'm on the spectrum so if I disapear for a bit they will figure out that I'm in need of a break and not get offended. Hope that helps a little. If not at least know you're not the only one thinking going through this.

Thank you KateUher, yes it does help a lot to read I'm not the only one with an oversensitive brain

I think I tend to feel the most distress when I fail to connect with somebody I care about because of some insecurity or a void I have to fill in or something else that has little to do with them. When I take the trouble to connect with somebody I want to make sure it is because it is really meangful and not just a throw-away comment or routine question.

Probably because I hate it so much when people close to me fail to understand me or use me out of insecurity or their loneliness. I can spot it straightaway if the connection they are seeking is self-centred and it makes me recoil.

I tend to spend forever trying to figure out what to say, then panic over sending it or not.
A thought (don't laugh) that occurred to me just now was to flip a coin - let chance decide if you should send it - until you feel more comfortable with people.
This could be the second stupidest thing I've thought up (first being hitting spacebar to try to pause real life), but I think I'll try it.
*Flip* (Heads, send, tails, don't)
Heads
Guess I'll be sending this.

And you did the right thing sending that message, thank you! Yes sometimes we need to remind ourselves we are not that powerful in controlling events and that when we make plans God laughs
Life is very much made of random chaotic events.