Overheard an interesting conversation

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I was at the grocery store. I overheard two grocery store employees in the produce section discussing people at work. They definitely seemed like NTs.

They were discussing different people. One person said.

I am guessing this is how most NTs think.


This seems in contrast what my attitude was to getting along with others. If I don't like someone, I didn't attempt to get along with that person. I am guessing most people with AS are like this.


I didn't used to be a likeable person. I am guessing most people did not care for me. However, at the time I never had a clue this was the case. I actually used to think most people liked me.

Part of the reason people with AS do not get along with others is we don't hide our feelings about other people. This is correctable.

What's correctable? That we can get along with people we don't like?

Sure. Don't allow people to know in any way that you don't like them.

Smile. Communicate.

That is what other people do. It may seem awkward, but that is what everyone else is doing whether you realize or not.
NTs aren't overcome by feelings about other people or circumstances around them. That is the problem that people with AS have.

Smile!? I can barely make eye contact with them! Okay, I'll give it a try.

That's one reason why so many people on the spectrum are total misfits in a business environment. Whether or not you like them is meaningless, you have to get along with them. If you don't bother trying to get along with them, don't be surprised when you find yourself looking for another job.

And it applies to dealing with customers as well. Whether or not you like them doesn't matter, you absolutely must get along with them in the business. If you can't get along with them, then there is no reason for the business to keep you on the payroll.

This is a fun topic. Let this be your homework!
Make it a point to talk with someone you don't like POLITELY. It's a transferable skill because, like someone has mentioned already, in the work force you will need to communicate with coworkers you may not like. Lets keep this thread going and see what the experiences have been like..

i can't even get along that well with the people i do like. i can barely make conversation with them. so i can't really say that much for the people that i dislike.

+1. If I actively dislike someone, then they become a nonentity to me. I will do everything I can not to engage with them, period.

Getting along with people you really can't stand is an immensely important skill in NT land. It's hard to do at first, but gets even more difficult as you get to know someone and learn your initial reaction to them was right on target, and quite mild compared to the feelings of revulsion getting to know them can create.

The key (I think...) is to learn to be fake, which is against my nature. It involves smiling and nodding when you really would like to scream "shut up you disgusting piece of garbage". I believe the inability to play this game is the thing that makes certain groups stand out and thus become the target of ridicule or worse. Getting along is so important in pack mentality culture, like work and school.

It becomes even more difficult for me when someone who is doing some pretty insane, damaging, attention seeking etc etc BS decides to to correct or ridicule me for something small. In NT land, firing back with a "pay attention to your own rather large mess sweetie" would be considered out of line. So I smile, nod, avoid the hell out of them, and try to be grateful for being who I am.

I'm not sure it's good to learn how to get along with people you can't stand. I mean, it's good to be polite to them, but it's really stressful to be around people you can't stand.

I'm neurotyptical, but for one, I study ASD, and for another, I know a lot of people with ASD, so I feel pretty comfortable saying that people on the spectrum are very sensitive to jerks. I feel like it would just ruin your life to be surrounded by fake friends you couldn't stand. If it's a boss or a professor that you don't interact with that's one thing, but good lord, don't go getting into a video game playing group with a bunch of people you can't stand. You'll have to lie down and do groaning for a week.

*I* have to do that when I'm around jerks too much. I don't think it's natural to tolerate people you don't like. I think people have this primal urge to fight people who say douchy things and then having to stifle that urge and laugh at their stupid jokes and pretend that their incorrect statements are correct is just too much stress for anyone, even neurotypicals. Don't do it unless you have to, I say.

There's always someone out there that's weird in the same way you're weird and you don't have to pretend and be fake around them. It's worth it just to put in the effort and reserve yourself for those people when you can.

Definitely. When I don't like someone (including being indifferent to them) I don't care at all. And then I make no effort. I can count on one and a half hand the people I have liked or taken an interest in (not counting family) in my life.


I don't give a da** if they know that I don't like them.


That line of work doesn't interest me, so again, don't care.


haha yeah that's true. The main difference for me is that when I like someone, I stay quiet because I can't come up with something to say. When I'm indifferent to someone, I stay quiet because I have no interest in talking to them (so even if I did come up with something to say, I couldn't be bothered to say it, unless I was very bored with what I was doing). When I dislike someone I stay quiet because I really don't wanna talk to them (and if I did come up with something, I wouldn't say it to them).


Everyone I don't care about (indifferent/dislike) is a nonentity to me. People matters to me as much as pebbles or any other part of the scenery. (Except any other part of the scenery I might actually miss if it weren't there.) Almost absolutely everything in the world interest me more. The great thing about being naturally rejective is that I'm being left alone, which is all I want in the first place. Works very well for someone who is aloof and asocial.

I should add that the above (apart from having nothing so say) mostly applies in my private life. I don't want anyone I don't wish to, to start seek me out and try to get me to waste my precious time with them. The last thing I want is for people to pop by or call me. That's one of the many things I love about the net; it's up to me when and if I wanna go online, and I can take the time I want IF I wanna reply to anything at all.

When I was in school and if I was to get employment, I was/would be a bit more open, and I'd only be intentionally uncivil if I had good reason to, and even so I'd prefer to be so without witnesses. The time there is less precious since (at least in school) I didn't wanna be there anyway, so I didn't much care what I wasted my time there on lol. Another reason I'd prefer to remain civil there is that I might need their help with something at some point and I'm thinking I'm more likely to get it if I haven't already told them to go f*** themselves

Hmm, I can't actually relate to this at all. I'm polite and try to get along with pretty much everyone. I can't say the same for those people who perhaps don't like me. It seems to me like they are the ones not making the effort. Even if they are not openly rude (and usually they aren't), I can sense their lack of interest or that they don't really want to be interacting with me. I wonder if these are the people who say "I can get along with anyone", but they don't realise that I can tell they'd rather be somewhere else.

Now I'm not saying that I have the skills to get along with everyone, I certainly don't. But I do put in the effort to be nice and friendly. I don't think this is a particularly common NT trait.

I think one thing regarding social skills that separates neurotypicals and NTs is that neurotypicals don't form as many negative opinions of people as we do which is why it is easier for them to get along with most others.

As VAGraduateStudent said, we are sensitive to jerks.

NTs have the ability to not even give a hint that they don't like someone. A skill people with AS do not have.

It all comes down to just faking it. Fake, fake, fake and not forming so many opinions of others.

Ooh, this part of my previous post came out harsher than I intended.

I did feel like I wasted time going to school (which I never liked), but the truth is I did have quite a lot of fun with the other pupils, especially in elementary school and junior high. There were several people in my classes I liked and had a ,lot of fun with and would talk to, and there were several more I occasionally had fun with. I never felt like I wasted my time when I was with them. On the contrary, they improved my school-day, and I have plenty of good memories with them. I liked them but I wasn't very attached to them emotionally and while I was happy spending time with them in school I didn't long for contact with them outside of school. I wanted my free time to be all me-time with pets, interests, obsessions and spending a lot of time in my own mind.
The times I did spend time with them outside of school, it was always on their initiative, and I often had to be asked more than once, which made them call me "playing hard to get", which wasn't true, I just didn't particularly wish to spend time with them outside of school, but when it made them looking hurt, upset or annoyed, I caved because I didn't want to make them feel that way. I liked them well enough, I just wanted to spend my free time on other things. It ticked me off though, because I thought (and think) that I have the right to not be interested in hanging with them. Had it been today, I likely would have been way harder to persuade.

From junior high and onward (in schools, a little different in private with people I knew locally only), I usually had no problems with remaining civil with anyone. There were two incidents where I was involved in quarrels, but once they were resolved, it was back to being civil, even friendly with most of them (one of the cases involved several people). With friendly I do not mean that we were friends but that we got along well enough and a had nice tone between us.

If/when I get employed, I hope I'll feel that way about (some of) my co-workers as well.