Is it best to keep having AS a secret

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I really wish neurotypicals would keep their neurotypical-ness secret. I really don't want to know.......

OP, if you feel like being open that's obviously your call. Just remember that it can seriously backfire.

This is what you risk being open:

Having everything that makes you AS used against you, including mockery and trying to set off your sensory issues for kicks.
Bullying. (Edited to add: of course that may be a risk no matter what they know, but their knowing about a diagnosis like that will give them fuel)
Being spoken to and treated as if you suddenly dropped 100 in IQ.
People trying VERY hard to act as if nothing has changed, while they struggle to act normal around you, failing miserably.
People being extremely uncomfortable around you now that you suddenly have a label.
Your being less valued.
Everything you do might be seen as wrong when it’s on accord on how they do it. Same goes for opinions and values and so on, because they regard themselves normal and you a 'tard.
Everything you say and do might be seen in relation of your AS.
People watching you for this or that behavior that they connect with AS or have learnt is connected to AS.
Someone might see and treat you as a Cause.
Some will bombard you with questions (and don’t think they’ll be the least sensible).

So my advice: Keep quiet about it.

I will never tell anyone about it IRL. I have told my mother, father and one of my aunts (and one other person who can drop dead and fry), and those are the only ones I'll ever tell.
It's no one's business, and I don't care one bit if they "feel betrayed" by me not telling them.

There's a thing though, isn't there - where we'd actually be better off if we'd never found out about autism. There are examples all around us of people getting along very well in ignorance of their peculiarities. Yet our children are forcing their way through schools and universities wearing the autistic badge and fighting for acceptance.

I'm not entirely happy being on the side that's maintaining the curtain of autism blindness. My life would be better if the prejudice weren't so absolute.

Yes. Being AS (the label) carries a lot of social stigma and makes people dislike you, treat you badly, and be disrespected with everything you say being not valued. Many NT's aren't actually NT anyway. Try to hide your AS as good as you can when with new people. But understand that you can never hide it completely. Try to pass your AS habits as some odd quirks that you have if people ask (e.g. "yeah, I'm just used to doing that" - when asked). When people become close to you it's ok to reveal more and more about yourself and your oddness (don't reveal the AS though), try to do so gradually (don't 'strike' them).

I've never told anyone except my best friend, because her brother has it too.

While I don't specifically display my aspie traits, I make sure it doesn't take long for people to realize I'm not a normal person. Does this limit the number of close friends I have? Yes. But I don't have to worry about hiding anything from them. Basically, I let people know I'm a bit strange, and if they are willing to be friends anyway, then I know I can trust them.

I am open about it. I disclosed on Facebook about a year ago because I was fed up of people asking me if I had social anxiety or why I knew so much about "obscure" topics or having a go at me for doing the wrong thing. It seems to have worked quite well. I will have few reservations about disclosing to people in the future, but only people I know reasonably well and like- in short, the sort of people I would add on Facebook.

I think you should disclose when you are in a situation where people can misinterpret your behaviors/make assumptions about you. If you are interacting with people and have severe social difficulties, it is probably the best idea to disclose AND more importantly, say how it affects you (i.e. "Sometimes, I may talk for a long time about a certain subjects and may need reminders to stop")

Having only recently realized and self-diagnosed that I may have Asperger's, the question of disclosure has quickly become something I'm struggling with. I've come to the conclusion that maybe, if a situation comes up that I have to explain, I'm going to do what some here have suggested --- share something about that symptom rather than the whole Asperger kit'n'kaboodle.

For example when I feel overwhelmed trying to have a conversation in a noisy environment, I'm planning to reveal just that I feel overwhelmed trying to have a conversation in a.....etc etc. Or that I can't multi-task or feel like I'm going crazy and getting overwhlemed. I see these things as part of my possible Asperger's but I've decided that if they or any of my other traits/symptoms come up in public or around someone who isn't very close to me, I'm going to explain that specific issue I'm having, and not the whole nine yards about my possible AS.

Since I'm newly dealing with the possibility I think this is a good compromise right now. Down the line, particularly if I go ahead and get an official diagnosis, I might decide something different. But for now, I think I'm ready to be more open about a specific issue if and when one comes up. I've felt I had to hide my discomfort and issues so much that it's too exhausting and will be a relief just to admit "Something about me is that I have a bit of trouble with [this particular thing]". I think for me that will be enough disclosure for now.

I've told a few people I work with, but these are people that I believe are obsessives/ADD/a bit different than others. I just so badly want someone else to say "me too." I do expect word will get around and I'll be judged. I would normally say not to disclose, but I so badly want to personally know someone else who is like me, specifically, meaning that there are probably a lot of AS people I would care to not know.

Most people dont get it, but I have a feeling people with AS like traits, meaning people with the same comorbidities, will at least be more accepting. Being a dude, I have found that I get a long quite well with girls who were or are tomboys....weird.

I've found that if people know about or know of someone on the spectrum they are more likely to be understanding, but most NT's assume everyone on the spectrum is the same. Clones or robots, I dunno which, lol.

I'd say women are generally sympathetic initially, then they either like the quirkiness, humour etc or ignore me. Men can be ok, but more problematic if they're not too bright and are/or 'macho'. Should add, I hate team sports and talking about cars bores me to tears. Most people don't know what AS is and I do dislike having to explain.....

I think Tony Attwood remarked that fewer AS girls were diagnosed possibly because NT females would 'look after' them, whereas AS boys were more obvious as 'rejected' by NT males because of differences. I don't know how true that is, it seems logical and maybe equates to adults too. A female NT view of that may be quite different.

I've been regarded as a hippy for the last 40 years, which I kind of am, but without the dippyness, crystals nonsense. It's worked out quite well - any abberations, odd behaviour, strange lines of thought/conversation etc has been put down to that - (for instance being a veggie - ha ha).

Mind you not everyone likes hippies......

so keep quiet about it and adopt a disguise lol

..... or maybe you could be a goth/emo, take your pick

hahaha

I don't tell people about my history with AS. Not because it's a giant secret or grand conspiracy. But simply because there is no reason to and there are better things to talk about.

I would keep it a secret. Never know how ignorant some people are and sometimes people might treat you different.