Uhhhhhhhmm I think i am living with a Narcissist... Help?

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So along my own personal self discovery journey, i did a lot of research on a number of different disorders, mainly the ones that have asperger-like symptoms, as that is what i have ended up self-diagnosing (after 6 months of regression, self scrutiny and eventual acceptance, official diagnosis pending but in process) i did in fact stumble across, BPD, Schizotypal personality disorder and NPD.

Now after seeing myself as an aspie, i didn't want to be alone, so i started to try and find aspie traits in my room mates -

Sorry i need some back story here, i live with 5 other guys, two of which i have known since i was 13, and the other 3 have come into my life over the past 9 months at various stages. I have always found living in a social environment, as a opposed to my fortress of solitude, with all the PC games i could get my hands on, somewhat challenging, but because of the nature and support my friends have so kindly afforded me, i don't feel like quite so out of place

- Now, the friends that i had known for the longest are both talented musicians, and are definitely on the eccentric side of things, so i naturally found a bit of solace in temporarily entertaining the idea of them both being aspies like myself, but i realized eventually that regardless, they wouldn't realize until they were ready, or they were in fact not. Regardless, good friends are hard to find, so i love them anyways. Now roommate number 4 recently divulged to me that he has MPD, which i only realized after he pointed out, i thought his mood swings and rationale were rather normal for a socialite! Roommate number 5 is where we hit the problem. He has been constantly emotionally abusive of all of his romantic partners in the time that i have known him (i occasionally stand a girl up because of my rather chronic insomnia, and then don't know what the appropriate social protocol is, but i usually get to explain and apologize in the end )

He is also a drug dealer, which i see as being somewhat irrelevant to the narcissistic idea, but he has encouraged and propagated a higher level of substance dependence amongst the housemates (of which i recently broke out of, 11 days sober woooo!)

He is partial to rather hostile mood swings, one day you're his best friend and confidant, the next a leper, i honestly have never seen anything quite like it. Also he has insisted, in a somewhat roundabout way but still assured, unilateral control of the house, including managing all of the grocery money and rent money and paying the bills. BUT here is the thing. He claims that he is doing the household this massive favour in carrying this substantial burden, and constantly throws it at us whenever there is a single (literally a single) dish unwashed in the sink. AND he has done the shopping ONCE in 3 months. He always gets and errand boy, including myself at certain times, to pay rent and the bills and all of the things that he is supposedly bearing.

We also threw a party recently, apparently a joined (including my own) birthday party, (i spent the majority of this in my room listening to jazz) at which he charged an entry fee to all of the entrants. EXCEPT the ones he invited. Just to clarify, my friends, however few, had to pay entry so that all of his friends could drink for free. Charming right?

Now after all of this, and after my intention to stop smoking le marijauna became known to him, he gave me the silent treatment (which i have seen to be a narcissistic test?) for 3 days, claiming that i had upset him, and he was going to tell me what it was when he felt comfortable. FOR 3 f*****g DAYS I COWERED. I'm sorry, aggression and such. Anyways, it turned out that he didnt actually have anything to point out as a fault (he attempted, such as "you didn't acknowledge my birthday, it was like it didn't even happen" to which i responded "I'm a student on welfare but i thought that present and card i got you would've sufficed?" he had forgotten. Also, "i feel like an outside member of the group" and again i replied "i treat you as i would a brother, and as good as the boys i have known for 7 years, what more do you want?" he then bought me a book, and thought we were kocher. sorry that was a super long tangent)

Recently, as most of the housemates have started to withdraw from this somewhat malevolent force, he has pinned his hopes and "supply" on the newest and most optimistic house member. He has planned an entire business venture, and they spend most of their collective day in the lounge, smoking pot, telling people to be quiet because they are planning their business. Now Entrepreneurship is the basis of the bustling capitalist economy, and i was in fact studying it up until recently, but unfortunately for the duo, they planing on distributing nicotine vaporizers, on a small business scale. My question is, where is the market? i can walk down a rather well known mall-type area local to my house, and walk past 3 places already selling them that have the profitability of tobacco driving their profits. Where is the market?

Sorry the above is supposed to be less of a personal attack and more demonstrative of "grandiose self image" or the "magical future" or "the unrealistic expectations of the narcissist.

All he seems to have left, is his girlfriend who i can quote as saying these 3 things, directly without duress of any kind
"i wouldn't be with him if it weren't for the sex"
"I don't want to have to smoke a cone to feel like a person (in his eyes)"
"It is easier for me to pretend to be dumb around him"

Originally this post had a certain uncertainty about it, but now thats out the window, here is the crux
I AM LIVING WITH A NARCISSIST, CAN ANYBODY THROW ME SOME EXPERIENCES WITH THIS OR PERHAPS A COPING MECHANISM OR TWO?
Much love, from the bottom of my logic-ridden, empathy-lackin, differential-making, ASD havin heart

My husband has NPD(narcississtic personality disorder). Now how do I survive? Well he goes from being sweet and pleasant to nasty and critical. His cold nastiness and overwhelming unkindness are hallmarks of our daily lives at times. He is only nice to me when it makes him look better or so it seems. He generally ignores me for long periods of time as a punishment of sorts. Now how do I survive? I've limited my interactions with him to the minimum, I no longer share my emotions or seek to share who I am as a person with him. I've eliminated any vulnerabilities I possibly can in an effort to protect myself.

If it is NPD do what you can to protect yourself

Is there anyway the group who dislike him can organise to move out to another place together and leave him out? You will never be able to force him to move out unless you can find somewhere he 'wants' to go and encourage it...

if hes not physically abusive and it doesn't bother you enough to want to move out, then why do you care so much unless you have self esteem issues yourself that are probably your best bet to work on.
otherwise, move.
i know that's not necessarily clear how to do. if someone told me to do that I'd just get annoyed, but its different because I live with family I have to help.

anyway it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of screwed up people anyway.

Tinydancer, I have to do child protection at a high level for my job and have learned that there are 4 different types of abuse
1. Physical abuse
2. Sexual abuse
3. Emotional abuse
4. Neglect
All of them can be damaging in their own way and in fact emotional abuse is seen as having the worst long-term damage because of the detrimental effect it has on self-esteem.
A narcissist will be deliberately trying to lower a targets self-esteem in order to get control or maintain control of the relationship, if the original poster does not have enough insight and support around them then the emotional abuse will eventually do enough damage to make it impossible to break out without help.

First i would like to thank the both of you for your insightful and obviously passionate posts, my email did not notify of any posters so i was starting to think i was the narcissist (you know the delusions and projections they use to keep themselves justified)

I do in fact have some self esteem issues, which i have indeed been working on, and it has helped a great deal

the other members of my house include a BPD and an MPD (I think that's right?), whom still both readily defend him, and the only reason i got to recognizing it was because i was researching it as an alternative to an AS diagnosis (then i realized i couldn't consciously manipulate if i tried, not to mention the moral cataclysm it would cause between my ears!)

I guess it does really just come down to how important the house is, and to me, its 4 walls and a roof. I'm sure i can find similar accommodations elsewhere, without the infringement on my emotional freedoms and the atmosphere of tension and inferiority

I guess all i can do is try and help those around me, ultimately one has to help themselves right? i'm not sure i can live by that tenant, but i sure as hell can't live with this man, his lust for money and his arbitration of emotion sickens me :S


Again thank you for all of your suggestions, the fact that i feel a little less crazy and a little more confident helps in itself \


*edit - i was actually caught up in his world for about 9 months, but the last one was transitional.