How to tell if you are liked by someone with Aspergers?

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Is it just me, or do 'Aspergers Syndrome' sufferers truly 'like' you, if they simply listen attentively, and are silent towards you?

I ask this, because, it seems that whenever they open their mouths: it is only to patronize, or to condescendingly correct an 'intellectual' mistake, that you made, about their narrow range of interests. Even to their, 'friends,' they are cruelly honest, patronizing, condescending, lacking in empathy, in affection.

I have called an 'Aspergers' girl, 'baby,' and she gave me recognition that she was my, 'baby.' But she did it like, 'baby,' was an alien language, and she was an extraterrestrial. To me, that is more evidence that she likes me more than her alleged, 'friends,' that she cruelly denigrates because of their alleged physical imperfections, intellectual shortcomings, and prejudices. I mean, even her family life is turbulent.

So, is their silence a note that they, 'like,' you? I notice that when I talk about their narrow range interests, they only respond if they feel the need to arrogantly correct me. Thank you for your time, and consideration.

I think your just seeing one of the downsides to people with AS, sometimes they feel like the only time they can contribute to something is to let the person know the 'truth'. I mean, 'normal people' do this all the time, but are just so much better at empathizing with the person, maybe offering an explanation of why they might of overlooked something. This guy is just confident in what he knows, I mean who wouldn't when they spend so much time and effort in a subject. Their silence is the same as with normal people, just nothing to converse about, its still just as awkward if not more.

The 'cruel' honesty, the 'patronizing' is often just a lack of social understanding, you'll have to forgive the person.

I think you are are focusing on the stereotypical Aspie behavior which not all Aspies exhibit.

When I really like someone I tend to talk with them more and will talk with them about anything under the sun. If I am quiet it generally means I could care less about talking to them because they are either boring, wouldn't understand or an idiot or find them threatening jerks. If an Aspie female yacks away she finds you interesting.

However you seem to not like this particular Aspie woman's demeanor so why do you care whether she might like you or not? Sounds like you don't like her.

Why do you care if she likes you? You obviously don't like her. Why don't you leave her alone?

When she attempts to show affection, it is very short, and sweet. But at the same time, it has a very forced; 'going through the motions,' feel. Her narrow range of interests pertains to gender issues, in which I can talk about at length. If she finds herself in agreement with my statements, she says nothing, and it is peculiar. If she doesn't agree, she will respond with her usual condescension.

She has told me that I am one of her favorite people because of the alleged shortcomings, and prejudices of others. But sometimes I feel like the prey of a vampire, when she doesn’t reciprocate my politeness, and common courtesy.

Her honesty about others is 'cruel,' by the way, certainly sadistic. Thank you for your time, and consideration.

If you understood the situation wholly, you wouldn’t be typing that judgmental one-liner, and demand: to a complete stranger on the Internet. I happen to be in a situation where I have to deal with an individual that is allegedly afflicted by this ‘disorder.’ It is not a choice, and I am simply attempting to understand the dynamics of this situation, and her psyche.

So, you have to deal with her. I assume that she has to deal with you as well. What does liking matter then? But, it strikes me as unlikely that she would lie to you about something so trivial. She says she likes you better than others, that's probably true then. It sounds though, as if she hasn't found too many people with shared interests who are compatible, or she'd probably be more vocal at times.

It's draining for 'normal' people, to be around people that lack empathy, and social reciprocation. It is almost like being used like a drug, with no return. She doesn't, 'deal,' with people. I agree with your last sentence, thank you. 'Liking' matters, because I want to make the best out of this situation, I am not going to modify my behavior to fit her 'disorder,' in some ways, as a Sisyphean task.

She only obsesses over finding male misogynist thinking in every utterance, slip, or occurrence, in life. I agree with the ideas, and notions that she advocates, and has a conviction in - I have discussed those ideas at length. But at the same time, I've seen her do the most sadistic harm to her 'friends,' not out of indifference or lack of knowing better - but pure sadism. She has a history of two-faced behavior, mostly with her 'friends.' With this girl, I think, aside from the short attempts of forced affection from her - when you say something about anything and she is silent - you've won. This is because most of what she says revolves around nagging, insecurity, and tantrums. I guess you could just say, I feel kind of weird that that we get along so well.

This is where the 'silence' question comes in. Everything she speaks about is vitriol, when you say something, she says nothing - it's a sigh of relief. But at the same time, I wish she could be friendlier. Anyway, sorry for this post, I am confused. I have read a few books about this 'disorder.' She has lied before, definitely, about 'liking' people. Thanks for your patience. I think I am understanding now.

I can listen attentively and silently to people and be thinking to myself, " this person is a complete idiot." In fact, it's quite common for me. Probably because most people are idiots.
If you want to know if someone with AS likes you, try asking "Do you like me?".
A positive response probably means they do ( at least for the moment), whist a negative probably indicates that they don't.

Also, i have AS but i do not suffer from it. When i do 'suffer' the cause is usually other people, AS is incidental.

First of all, like all people, we are all individuals. So there is no
clear way for one of us to understand from only a post. I'm glad
that you took some insight away however.

I do think that some of your original post generated the feeling that you
do NOT like this person, however. It strikes me as very odd that someone
would respond only with silence or vitriol, so perhaps we can take a moment
to look at what would piss me off, if I were in her shoes.

Honesty is not necessarily cruel. Rather it is what may seem a fundamental
part of a person's honor. I have found very few of the people on this site, or
those from my life whom I suspect were on the spectrum to be patronizing or
condescending, without good reason. If you show yourself to be insensitive to
what REALLY matters to a person, then you should indeed expect this behavior.

Empathy - some of us are weak in this, some VERY strong. I feel so much of other
people's pain, that I have to consciously shut it out, or the tears just flow.

Affection - This is a person that you are 'forced' to deal with. Doesn't sound like
someone that you should expect ANY affection from.




OK, now this gets even worse. This is not a real friend, nor a love interest, yet you call her BABY? Good lords, you're lucky you don't get slapped. My NAS mother would backhand you for that kind of
insult. Heh, I guess she's where I get some toughness from. But, I wouldn't expect anyone to take that.

EVEN here family life is turbulent? Can you imagine the stress that we put on our families? Not in all
cases, to be sure, but many are so depressed at being outcasts that those closest to us suffer (as do we); funny thing - love causes pain.

By Aspergers girl "baby"....do you mean a female who acts younger than she is??
That is kinda how I am...I am 31, but most people who talk to me would hardly guess it, as I SEEM perpetually stuck in my teens...but I AM of above average intelligence and don't appreciate being underestimated.
I am not a baby...or an 8 year old or a 14 year old...
And i generally "like" people who "understand and respect" me (usually..i have been misguided)
..And when I "like" people I tend to open up to them...I get very talkative..I don't like to play games..(unless I make it obvious that they are just silly games..and I have a weird sense of playing sometimes..like going for an hour where I only say the first letter of each word that i am saying)

i think your relations with this person sound like they are on shaky ground

Not necessarily - like everyone else, people with AS are all individual, and we all deal with other people in our own way. For example, I can listen, and sometimes try to ask questions about others, but if I'm not careful I can say something tactless, go off on huge lectures about what I like, or try incessantly to correct tiny errors. It's really nothing to do with whether I like somebody or not - it just happens.

Empathy is a tricky thing to grasp for some people with AS, though, so maybe that's the issue at hand here.

Like the essence that we are all led to believe about 'Jesus Christ,' I am simply going to have to be honest, and heartfelt with this girl. I have to take myself away from the pretence and superficiality of human social interaction, and just be heartfelt. That will solve this problem. That is what I am going to do, that will solve this problem for better, or for worse.

Kosmonaut,

Hahahaha, that is a great posting. Thank you, it was very simple. There are other things that are going on in my life, right now, that magnify this issue. I appreciate that, besides the ivory-tower, 'most people are idiots,' posturing that 24 yr old social science grad homebodies, tend to harbour. Not to denigrate or assume your personage, sir. Of course, with personality 'disorders' - the issue comes with dealing with the excessively gregarious nature of humans, and social conformity.

calandale,

That is your subjective estimation that, 'I do not like this person.' Are you a mind-reader? In my humble opinion, truly not liking someone will bring one beyond the point of disassociation - to complete indifference to them. Your thoughts on honestly, and when it is, and isn't cruel are valid thoughts - but up to subjective opinion. This Aspergers Syndrome sufferer is a roommate that I am 'forced' to deal with because I love my job, house, and other roommates. She has told me before, that she thought that I was 'cute' - so the 'baby' comment, is valid. Your views on 'appropriate' behavior between men, and women are not set in stone anywhere, besides your own mind. It was not done out of sexual misogyny, but pure friendly endearment. For the record, she showed no objection to it (trust me: I would have known if she didn't like it), and has used the word before, herself (the context varied). This is not just about how she treats myself, but other 'inconsiderate' acts she engages in as a roommate. Our relationship is mostly intellectual-conversational, and a smudge flirtatious. But it becomes tiresome, 'walking on eggshells,' at accidentally slighting her worldview (she is not always 'right') and listening to her constant nagging, and vitriol. She is liked by the head of the house for superficial reasons - so there is a bureaucracy going on, as it pertains to why she remains in the house.

poopylungstuffing,

Thank you for your observations. I enjoyed your post thoroughly, besides the last sentence. I wouldn't say that we are on shaky ground, just strained.

MrSinister,

Thank you for the posting that dealt with the cognitive element of Aspergers. I appreciate it, sir.

Almost always best.



Ah, you see, had you shared more of this, others would not have taken such a negative view of the combination of your statements. It started sounding like a romantic, and then began to look like a professional relationship. We are indeed unable to read your mind - but we can read the posts, and the combination which I infered from what you said led me down the path of imagining calling some distant co-worker (who views most males as mysoginists) baby. That indeed set me off. Clarity and precision are especially important in dealings with aspies - but with anyone through mere writting.

Well, this is JUST ME but I am generally quieter around people I know/like. (Talking a lot is a nervous reaction for me) And I'll actually bother to at least, try to look at people when they're talking to me. I do want to be able to recognise my friends if they have a sore throat, y'know?

On the subject of flirting, could it be misinterpreted stimming?

Are you sure she is Aspergers? Is she diagnosed? Sounds a lot more like borderline personality disorder to me, from the various descriptions given by exes and partners of those with borderline.