Turning off your brain in social situations?

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onewithstrange
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13 Jul 2013, 10:15 pm

Like many people on this board, I spend a lot of time day-dreaming about social situations, specifically what I'd say/do in some hypothetical situation I might find myself in, or how to anticipate how people would react. I wonder whether that's actually the problem and that I'm simply overthinking social interactions. It wouldn't surprise me since I'm very analytical in most other aspects. Do NTs turn off their brains when they're making small-talk or flirting and if so, how do they manage it?


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lole
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13 Jul 2013, 11:07 pm

onewithstrange wrote:
Like many people on this board, I spend a lot of time day-dreaming about social situations, specifically what I'd say/do in some hypothetical situation I might find myself in, or how to anticipate how people would react. I wonder whether that's actually the problem and that I'm simply overthinking social interactions. It wouldn't surprise me since I'm very analytical in most other aspects. Do NTs turn off their brains when they're making small-talk or flirting and if so, how do they manage it?


I've had this exact same thought process before, but up until I fully started to understand the impact of AS on me, I had always put the blame on my ADHD (which I'm beginning to doubt I even have)

I don't think NTs so much "turn off their brain" during conversation, from how I've had it explained to me, it's more that NTs just usually have their brains off. They aren't always analyzing every footfall they make and texture of the trees next to the sidewalk and any other thing they had mulling through their brains, it's just at rest. (If this is inaccurate please correct me)

A lot of people self medicate with drugs to combat this problem of never having a brain at rest. This is obviously not something I recommend, and there's a lot of more constructive ways to achieve peacefulness. I myself am a huge advocate of meditation.



Fnord
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13 Jul 2013, 11:15 pm

The only time my brain turns off in social situations is when a pretty woman says "Hello" to me...

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aspiemike
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13 Jul 2013, 11:23 pm

Some moments you are required to use your brain, while other moments you are required to use your heart. It's the moments you are in where you will figure out when you are right or wrong.



frankton
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13 Jul 2013, 11:29 pm

It's not that NTs turn their brains off. Rather, social functioning mostly becomes the domain of the subconscious (what some call the adaptive ubconscious).
For most NTs, the "rules" of social interaction become ingrained at an early age.
Conscious thoughts are thus free to engage the content of a conversation while the rules of engagement (how far to stand, how much eye contact is appropriate, etc) are not consciously analyzed.



lole
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13 Jul 2013, 11:30 pm

frankton wrote:
It's not that NTs turn their brains off, social functioning mostly becomes the domain of the subconscious (what some call the adaptive subconscious).
For most NTs, the "rules" of social interaction become ingrained at an early age.
Conscious thoughts are thus free to engage the content of a conversation while the rules of engagement (how far to stand, how much eye contact is appropriate, etc) are not consciously analyzed.


This makes a lot more sense than what I was trying to say, thank you



frankton
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14 Jul 2013, 12:23 am

Glad I could help. I'm an idiot with numbers but I do pretty well with words.


Oh, and I meant to say "adaptive unconscious," not "adaptive subconscious." In case anyone cares.



anneurysm
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14 Jul 2013, 11:26 am

I think they simply use a part of their brain that has the ability to pick up on social, environmental and contextual cues in a more natural way, and therefore don't have to think and analyse social situations much as we do. There's nothing wrong with analyzing situations as long as you don't get obsessed with them and I think it's important to recognize when you are doing this. You should never push yourself too hard with social situations.

I know I'm on the spectrum because I rely on internal scripts and my intellect to give me the "best guesses" when socializing. It's fun to do, and I do enjoy socializing as a result, but it can be internally taxing because I use a conscious rather than an unconscious process when I do it.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


onewithstrange
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14 Jul 2013, 5:21 pm

Quote:
It's not that NTs turn their brains off. Rather, social functioning mostly becomes the domain of the subconscious (what some call the adaptive ubconscious).
For most NTs, the "rules" of social interaction become ingrained at an early age.
Conscious thoughts are thus free to engage the content of a conversation while the rules of engagement (how far to stand, how much eye contact is appropriate, etc) are not consciously analyzed.


That makes sense, frankton. In social situations I'm having trouble juggling body language, what they're saying, what they're meaning, and what I want to say in response. If even one of these were ingrained subconsciously, I can see how that'd free up mental resources.

Going by what others have said, I can't imagine not having anything on one's mind. Do you have any suggestions for meditation, lole? All I know of are breathing techniques. I go on walks a lot but even then I'm focused on not stepping on any bugs.


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frankton
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14 Jul 2013, 7:18 pm

I know you didn't ask me, but I meditate so I thought I'd give you my perspective.
I don't think I've ever not had anything on my mind. Both the conscious and subconscious parts seem to be busy 24/7.
The kind of meditation where you are supposed to sit and try to clear your mind and not think of anything has never worked for me.
Ive downloaded a few guided meditations which really help to relax me. It's usually a person with a very soft voice telling you what kind of imagery to bring up and how to breathe. They're usually between 10 and 20 minutes long.
If that doesn't work you could also try sitting in a comfortable position in the dark and looking into the flame of a candle. I haven't done that but people I know seem to like it as a relaxation technique.
My off and on BF (an Aspie) has been doing yoga for years and he says it has helped him tremendously.



lole
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14 Jul 2013, 11:07 pm

onewithstrange wrote:
Quote:
It's not that NTs turn their brains off. Rather, social functioning mostly becomes the domain of the subconscious (what some call the adaptive ubconscious).
For most NTs, the "rules" of social interaction become ingrained at an early age.
Conscious thoughts are thus free to engage the content of a conversation while the rules of engagement (how far to stand, how much eye contact is appropriate, etc) are not consciously analyzed.


That makes sense, frankton. In social situations I'm having trouble juggling body language, what they're saying, what they're meaning, and what I want to say in response. If even one of these were ingrained subconsciously, I can see how that'd free up mental resources.

Going by what others have said, I can't imagine not having anything on one's mind. Do you have any suggestions for meditation, lole? All I know of are breathing techniques. I go on walks a lot but even then I'm focused on not stepping on any bugs.


A good meditation technique that works for me is this: first, I think up a phrase to repeat in my brain. I usually go with "ease of mind" or something of the like. It shouldn't be a whole monologue, the shorter the better. Then I find a comfortable place to sit, make sure there's not much to overstimulate you where ever you decide to do it. Then I sit criss cross style, put my hands palm down onto my knees, close my eyes and straighten out my back. At this point just let the phrase you came up with earlier wash around in your head. Just keep repeating it in a soft and soothing voice in your head. Take slow and easy breaths. Eventually you may find other thoughts subside in their loudness.

It's good to make a habit of this to maximize it's efficiency.



Thousandpine
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15 Jul 2013, 12:54 am

I blank out sometimes. It's either I can't hear or I can't speak clearly. I tend to overthink everything. Since I don't have friends or anyone, sometimes I go in my own little world where everything is much better.

Never does come true, but I guess that's life. I am trying to improve but haven't been much.

take care.