How do you make friends?

Post Reply New Topic

I talk. And be myself. I tell interesting (but true) stories.

You go to places and hopefully someone will start talking to you and they might ask for your number. Just let them ask you questions about yourself and ask the same ones back to them so they will know you're interested in them. Ask them about their lifestyle; what do they like to do for fun, how many brothers and sisters do they have, where were they born and how long have they lived in the area, how long have they had their driver's license, what kind of job do they have, what are they mastering in (if they are in school).

It usually seems to be the other way around, people making friends with me. Limiting, yes. Easier, again yes.

This is what I usually do - I'm a good listener - but it doesn't seem to work. People like to talk about themseves (did you know the most common word in spoken English is the pronoun "I"?), but after a while they do get tired of it, and if you can't tell them anything interesting about yourself, or express some interesting views, they will find you boring.

i just know within 5 mins wether someone was gonna be my best friend or not. i had few friends but the ones i did were very high quality

I don't know how to begin a conversation, I'm almost always alone, I scare some people and others come to me and they begin with the first step. When they ask questions, I talk with honesty (no pretentiousness).

If someone can see I'm good despite my appearance and/or we have something in common (videogames, music, ideals, . . .), he/she could be something like a buddy. Whe time passes and I can trust in this person, he/she becomes my friend.

I have only one friend on real life, and some online friends.

Different for every friend. Most of them started out as enemies, but learned to tolerate me. My first real best friend actually also had asperger's, however, he was quite different from me. Originally, I actually teased him--and when later, my mom wanted me to go to a friend's house to get out of the house, and none of my other friends were around, I knew he was socially ignorant enough to think that I appreciated him. Later on, I learned to appreciate him.

Then there was my second best friend. It was my first year in the Catholic school system in 7th grade. There was this other guy with no friends but plenty of enemies. Soon enough, he coerced me into hanging around with him, even though he was kind of annoying. Then, his prior best friend started to see me with 'potential'--I dunno what he meant by that, really... But soon enough he left his high social status to be a loser with me and the annoying chump, whom, by the end of 8th grade, we'd shook off.

And in high school, there was this guy in my science class. We eventually started talking about music, and then drawing and games and stuff. We soon became good friends, meeting during classes. And in Sophomore year, I followed him to his group of friends, the biggest, most entertaining group of as*holes on the face of the planet. Now, in Junior year, the guy can't stand me for some reason. I dunno why, he just doesn't like me.

As far as the internet goes, some people see me post my art and talk to me, but my longest-lasting internet friends start out as my enemies. Always. Seriously, someone go to an Invisionfree board and start expressing Republican ideas--Within a few months, they'll start hating you and then ban you. I've had several experiences like this.

There are acquaintances and there are friends. Then again, there are friends with whom one can share one or even a couple of interests, but not all interests. The most exhausting friendships I've had have been with people who were too much like me, even though they required the least amount of 'translating'. It takes more effort to be friends with someone with whom one shares a single interest because that leaves so many differences, but within the realm of that one common interest it can be quite fulfulling.

In the course of a lifetime I think a person is lucky to need both hands to count true friends, lifetime friends. Most friends are temporary, transitory, and last only as long as there's a common interest.

Then, too, there's the matter of the sort of people one looks to for friendship... as a weird kid I figured out early that I was more likely to enjoy the company of other weird kids, although the temptation early on was to look at the 'popular' kids-- big mistake!

As a relatively old fert, I have the luxury of hindsight. The popular kids seemed to have peaked in high school - think of the football jocks who all seem to have bad knees and kinked backs, etc., and the beauty queens who have little left once their pretties have faded.

Look for others who don't seem to fit in and talk to them.

Question for those posters who suggest 'just talk to people - find something you've got in common'

How? I'm not meaning this to come out sarcastic, either, I genuinely don't 'get' how to talk to people at all, unless there's a real 'point' to it, like to exchange information I need for work or something. It's not that I wouldn't like to, I just can't ever think of anything to say.

Do you wait til someone talks to you, or start a conversation yourself? What on earth do you say? I can plan all the 'conversation starters' in the world, but once the other person's said something, I can't think of any kind of response.

I did a (thoroughly useless) communication course a few years ago, where they said to ask questions about what the person said, but warned not to come on like you're interrogating them, but I just can't think of anything to ask at all.

And, unless it's really obvious, like you met at a Doctor Who convention and are therefore both Who fans, how do you find out what if anything you've got in common?

So far he friends I've had over the years picked me up, but I'm not entirely sure how. Three were friends of circumstance, two wandered over and befriended me when they had several other choices. I think I know how to keep them, though. Instead of asking questions when you first meet someone, let them do a large chunk of the talking, then take something they said and give your opinion on it, but do not give a reason for your opinion and don't ask questions about their opinions just yet. Wait a few weeks. I've found people get uncomfortable when questions are asked because they think your challenging them to prove themselves correct, and by giving your reasons without them getting used to you through time it's also challenging them to give their reasoning. If they don't have a logical reason for their belief (and I find many don't have logical reasons, opinion seems to be based on feeling) then they feel like they lose by default, so they'll leave and not come back. After a few weeks insert small questions here and there, on minor things that they talk about that don't involve personal matters so they don't feel attacked. Then, after they're used to that you're pretty free to ask questions to understand them better, as long as you and they aren't in a large group of people where they think they might have to prove themselves. If you want to try making friends, the only thing I can think of is asking if they have any interests or hobbies, and then comment on those.

I let them do the friend-making. Go along with it. It's all I know.

The best way is to simply share an interest. Any interest. It's a starting point to talk about, and conversation usually feeds itself and keeps going, as well as giving you a feel for the person's personality.

Funnily enough, I get that too.

same here.

Me too, although presently that means I have basically zero friends.

Part of the problem may be that I'm not exactly sure what a friend is-like I want to know that someone's really going to be there, and not eventually reject me. Or that I'm going to interpret that someone wants to be friends when they don't. I end up finding it safer to just assume everyone is at best an acquaintance.



Describes me too, except... I guess I'm lucky in that I actually enjoy being alone a lot of the time. Maybe even most of the time. I feel like it's when I can recharge, without having to watch what I say or do. And a lot of the things I like are pretty solitary (reading, playing games, etc.). But there are also times where I feel exactly like you described, and I really wish I wasn't alone. I don't know what shape I'd be in if not for finding the internet 11 years ago.