Making a mess of things.. (school/parenting)

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I need to qualify that I am a Mum and the last couple of years have been FULL of social situations.. all of which I find a way to stuff up.. mainly just talking inappropriately, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, bursting with my bit to add and hence butting in on what others are saying.. I just can't work out timing and getting it right. Weirdly, I'm not shy, I'm perfectly happy to approach mothers at school and say Hello but sometimes I feel unwelcome and that I've done some kind of faux pas with the mothers in the school yard that I go up to. But I do feel that I'm doing the wrong thing and I feel the negative vibe I get sometimes and it wears away at me..

I even visited with a good friend, who I feel more comfortable with then most people, and I've left feeling that I didn't explain myself right and that I didn't get my point across as well as I could have. I always feel like that.

Anyways, thats just in general.. I'm feeling overwhelmed today so I blew off playgroup but I ran into other members while dropping off my kid at school.. so, in essence, I know I've offended them with my lame excuse that I'm too busy to go today.. the truth is that I just can't handle it, I'm so anxious about who I'll talk to and what about and how often I'll get stuck standing on my own while everyone moves around and I don't know what to do with myself etc.. i.e. we don't just sit in one spot and chat, its this constant shuffling that I just can't deal with. So I decided today that I didn't want to deal with it anymore.. hence lame excuse and I got out of there. But I realise they won't think much of my spotty attendance and will find a way to feel offended by my actions. Not great when I run into these people all the time....

So, instead, I go to the park with my other little one.. he plays and then we go to head home.. and I see another Mum that I know, but I'm not sure and she's pretty far away.. but we had to walk closer to them to get to our car.. and it was definitely a girl that I know.. but uh, I didn't say Hello, just kept walking (and frankly, she didn't say hello either!). Sometimes I just don't feel comfortable in these situations so I pretend that I didn't see them. I'm starting to realise now that this is a huge social no-no but I just can't deal at the time - I guess the situation is out of the ordinary and I'm also feeling not right today etc.. I'm not sure why I only run into people randomly when I feel crappy..

So I just feel exhausted and so over it all. I can't seem to get it right for a myriad of reasons. I'm embarrassed to share with my husband as he's hearing too many of these stories where I constantly stuff up. He doesn't get why I don't just know what to do..

I feel so uncomfortable in these social situations and I'm just getting so over trying b/c it just never works out.. I kind of feel trapped as well..

hiya CatLion welcome to the club AFAIC, a husband's first role is to support his wife. I hope your hubby is good to you.

Does your child enjoy the playgroup? If he/she does, I think it's important that you work on these issues for his/her sake.

Anxiety can be a terrible thing. Have you explored any treatments for it?

Hi ya CatLion! welcome.

When neurotypicals are confused -for instance about you- they kind of freeze up, which looks a lot like 'unwelcoming' and/or 'offense'.
Likely your verbal story didn't match your nonverbal discomfort about missing playgroup. They froze until they could figure out an appropriate response. I suspect you may have slightly misinterpreted this as them being offended.

I believe this because (nearly) everyone "flakes out" on something or other, and usually quite regularly, I suspect they were confused because your body language was telling them that making the decision to not go was a big huge mondo important issue to you. But missing playgroup is in no way an Earth shaking importance, so they were confused about how to respond to you and/or your distress.

I think you may be projecting your fear of a poor social outcome into an interpretation of other people's nonverbal communication.

I think this because you're not the only person that does this, I know I do it too.

I think one core issue in these cases is self-confidence in your own decisions.
And as proof.

I suspect that is when you notice it most.

If you can acquire the attitude of "My decisions/reasons are so perfectly valid they don't need explaining and I'm certain every normal, non-rude person would immediately agree," I'm sure you'll find that many people will willingly follow that lead and agree with whatever 'lame excuse' you offer, without you ever having to explain.
Partially because when they flake out they don't want to be questioned too closely so they'll often let you off the hook too.

Same thing with interrupting, you can interrupt yourself to apologize for interrupting.
It is also good to be aware that interrupting is an important part of communicating! In many ways it validates what the interrupted speaker was saying because you're so into the conversation and it's value that sometimes you just can't rein yourself in.

Sorry for delay in replying - I've read the replies but just haven't had time to sit down and think about a reply.

auntblabby - Thanks Hubby is VERY supportive, just gets embarrassing to share some of my stories sometimes.. partly b/c the answer is so obvious to him and I struggle so hard to "think quick" and work out what to say/do etc.. I have far too many awkward/embarrassing moments.

thewhitrbbt - Its not so much that my child needs this playgroup for his development - it was actually more for me to get to know other parents.. but I've decided its just not my thing. DS gets social opportunities in other way, there's plenty of other activities that he does and that I'm more comfortable with.

1401b - Thankyou! I totally understand what you are saying and I think you are spot-on. I guess that I was overly worried about what to say about playgroup, so its fair to say I came on too strong and it was out of context. Thankyou for pointing that out. I really appreciate how you have explained it - the unwelcoming look only being confusion and everyone having the fear of 'flaking out' and therefore everyone cutting some slack for each other.

I've actually used what you've said to chill out a bit more with social interactions yesterday and today and I feel so much better.. it really takes away the pressure to think like that. I can't thankyou enough for your insight on this one. I will contemplate making an interruption declaration about myself too

I had issues a while back where I stopped trying so hard to fit in and tried harder to just focus on being 'me' (in a social setting) and I felt it worked for me at the time.. but then I've lost whatever that confidence was, AGAIN.. and gone back to being all awkward.. blah.. I tend to go in cycles - I'm so not consistent! So got to try and sort that out. Is it a confidence thing only? Any ideas on how to work on this? Would love a book recommendation or something more to read on..