Have a normal conversation like an NT (lets "practice&a

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Nah, I'm not sure at all. I'm totally clueless . Don't get paranoid over it.

My motto is if I don't get anything out of it why do it? Socializing is all an act and I don't want to play.

I enjoy acting. I like playing. I just don't see the fun in banalities. Much more fun to just completely BS.

If you have something to say, but can't get it out in time before the conversation moves on, cough politely. That should get people's attention long enough for you to say what you want to say.

Of course, personally speaking, I often have to cough politely just to "reset" my voicebox after a bout of pronounced stammering, so that doesn't always work for me



I have a co-worker who's just the same. Every time he comes into work (he only works on a Wednesday, Thursday and Friday) we're treated to a lengthy treatise on what's going on in his life right now. Most of the time I try to block it out, or respond with what I think is a witty remark.



Yeah, sex is pretty taboo. It's best not to go anywhere near this (although this is a "do as I say, not as I do" moment, as I've put my foot in it about this too many times to count).



I'm not surprised I've done some similar stuff and stopped conversations dead in their tracks, though, so you're not alone.



I think it's just a case of learning to tailor your conversation to who you're talking to. From the sounds of things, Y is the squeamish type, so opting to talk about something that most people find pretty icky was a bad move.



Because they're NTs, and they don't understand, a lot of the time.



Hey, we're all in the same boat here - I don't think anybody would be mean to you for having problems relating to other people. Chin up

Deeply thank you, even just for listening to my words.

No problem

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Had a long chat with my coucilor about this , of persons talk OFTEN having a hidden maybe negetive meaning . ( BTW think having a sympethetic non specialist councilar on balance v. helpfull . Feel specialist thro no fault miss person being blinded by the theory. Have seen this counciler for a month, after long break from proffesional help)

Her conclusions seamed a little vague and confusing to follow but as interpretting people depends ( acording to her) very much upon person speaking , and your past knowlege of this guy ( no hard and fast rules WHAT SO EVER) guess that is just how it is..


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Conclusions COUNCILAR GAVE ME ... (bearing in mind that I have just returned from pub for a jar or 3)...

1) for majority chatting at some point in day is essential , enjoyable and usefull (relaxing , social contact , networking , learning things etc )

2) often (did not say how often) extracting clues from chat/social interaction is hard for NT too ("is this dinner with a girl when you are a man a date or not" "is this invitation to meet up soon genuine or politeness" ETC)

3) my councilers sudjestion is to take people almost always on face value. Analysing what they say may send one "loopy"(metaphorically) , lead to wrong conclusions , stress u for no reason etc.

4) my objection was books say something like 30% of ALL communication is non-verbal (IE dont just look at the "words of the script"). Most people I said can pick up on at least some of this , even aspies... So non verbal communicans happens , even within a play or film and be an importaint part of the whole. So one can not ignore it .. it is info being communicated. So what happens to people with very low understanding of non-verbal . Should they study and make effort to pick up. Here i
the answer given seamed quite vague. But think what she was trying to say is , if u cant read it well ,dont guess and you will still do ok.


ok. how did my ramble go.... its a "big can of worms" to be sure

So there way be hidden meanings but no need to try to guess ,take at face value when possible (modified by prev experence of same person). Sounds reasnable ,no


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(( quick final point . I belive one should learn and sometimes fake normal social interaction. Belive that to do so for a couple of hours each month minimum this WILL prove very handy to you. Case in point. Most members of opposite sex need time -,say couple of weeks- to get to know you ,so as to know are you compatible , u are you trustworthy- before dating however strong their initial gut reaction is . They only way most (95% say) do this is thro polite possibly banal conversation . If you dont take part you cant get on their "list" of potential boy/girlfriend , end of story. When looked at it this way its quite reasnable really ???.Think so ))

---- thanks for listening. realise this covers many points and non-verbal was not main point of thread!!

also

a major part of NT conversation v aspie communications style ( acording to my counclier and something I was inclining to anyway) , is (((just by the nature of the aspies love of detail and accuracy)))


(most) NT give short , vaguer ,maybe "oversimplified" short sentence replies in conversation. (Guess how they prefer it , sometimes/often I prefer this way too).

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A humerous example , given on UK national radio station , during their "studio banter" was the following. --(( note= person giving poor communication is meant to be an NT. AS problems are not on the radar of any major radio station , u can trust me on that))




NOTE topic was "Things that annoy you , when someone is talking to you"..

Guy is telling a dramatic story, and gets side tracked.


Someone tells you about the time an axe murderer entered the house and the person talking goes ... " the axe man appeared on the tuesday , monday ....tuesday. No must have been a tuesday as the soap had just finished on the telly and my dinner was getting cold ...."

and you are there thinking ".. I dont care about what day it was. Just tell me about the F@@@ing axeman cant you"



(PS note to self - dont post about the pitfalls of getting sidetracked and start to ramble yourself


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