Incredibly insecure after facebook removal

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Hello all,

I don't know if there are others struggling with this thing, but I start to feel insecure when I see that someone has removed me off of her/his facebook account as a friend.
I don't check how many friends I have left every week, but once in a while I notice that I don't have a particular person on facebook anymore. I find that this makes me feel rejected and hurt. Especially when I was on good terms with this person and see that a lot of my friends are still friends with this person, it makes me wonder: what did I do wrong? Why did this person remove me, and not my other friend? Everytime someone removes me (and not another mutual friend who we met the same way) it confirms my feelings of 'people think I am weird, I am not as loveable as others'.

I am trying to get over this thing, and say to myself: 'it's just facebook. Who cares if someone deletes you off of facebook, it's so trivial. Stop making a fuss. You sometimes delete people off of facebook yourself'. Sometimes I can shift my mind to a less caring mindset, usually I cannot.

Does anyone else have this? How do you cope with this insecurity?

I got rid of my facebook almost 8 months ago now.



Completely. Liberating.

By deactivating your facebook account.

That's what it made me do to be honest.

For aspies/asd's like us, facebook is purely made to distort our relationships, not enhance them.

This is EXACT reason i got rid of mine, my mind just wouldnt give me a break from over-caring about what was happening on that site. I think I had a dysfunctional relationship with facebook, and that maybe if I didnt have the personality that I do it wouldnt have been so bad. I can definitely relate to your difficulties

FB has been invented to promote suffering. It leads to the dark side, be rid of it if you know what is good for you!

I wouldn't go that far, but you have to look at it this way...How close were you to this person?
If they were a distant friend, or a family member you see all the time anyway.. no real loss I guess.

One of my best friends doesn't have a Facebook, and another doesn't have me on it. Equally I have restricted someone who is one of my old schoolmates because of his eggheadedness every time I post something. I know it's hard to switch off, because on your Facebook there are people you value but you have to look at Facebook as just a place where everyone you probably know posts things. It's not really a place they all "hang out" and they are excluding you. It's just a space in cyberspace and your account should be comfortable for you. If it isn't then just deactivate Facebook.

They don't delete me, because Facebook is a "I have more friend than you"competition. So, I'm the deleter

I'm not on Facebook, but I read a lot of things like this where it seems to cause many people more agony than it ought to. I also read the counterbalance where a lot of people -- like those responding here -- don't have one or deleted their account there and feel better for it. It seems to me this direction seems like a good one to go in.

Even if you stay on Facebook, try not to take other people's removal of you personally -- there can be all kinds of reasons. Perhaps someone is just trying to prune their friend list down because they're getting overwhelmed with feeds and forget there's a way to reduce them? Or just trying to prune out people they don't contact a lot, because they want to make it more about strictly work contacts or family? Or maybe some people have deleted their own accounts.

I always say that if something that should be pleasurable and/or useful is causing more problems and upset than pleasure and usefulness, it's time to seriously rethink the place that thing/situation (even a person) has in your life and make some changes.

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Don't take it too personally. I go through my facebook friends every 6 months or so and trim the list down because it just seems stupid to have that many "friends" when only I set my facebook up to keep in touch with extended family who live all over the world. I remove people who I haven't seen in the past 6 months or who I haven't spoken to in a while, unless they are related to me. These people didn't do anything wrong, it just seems weird to keep them on the list when I never see them.

It's even worse when they block you. They still appear as a friend, but if I remember correctly FB says they're no longer registered.

Delete your Facebook account. Easy enough.

Facebook was a nightmare for me. Finally got rid of it about a year ago and it was extremely liberating. It was a very confusing and hurtful place to me where people show off and are careless with others. My son, also an Aspie, got off for same reasons. Realized that if friends wanted to have a relationship with me, they'd call or respond to my messages and they didn't. I wanted authentic relationsips. When we got rid of it, life became quiet but REAL. I'd rather lonely over phoney and found that I enjoyed being alone with myself a whole lot more then diciphering Facebook.

I think it's good to focus on the fact that many people simply crop their lists once in awhile, and it's not about you as a person. There are some very social people in my family who only have 100-150 Facebook friends, though I'm sure there are many others they know casually.