Christmas with the inlaws

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Hi

I'm an extrovert NT mother to an ASD son. My son takes more after his fathers side of the family. We're celebrating christmas with the inlaws this year. They're all fairly introverted except for my husbands sister, who is like the familys information hub. Without her the conversation will often be slow and awkward. Don't get me wrong, I love my inlaws. One on one the awkwardness is gone. The "problem" is gatherings. My sister-in-law is abroad this christmas, and I fear I will have to fill her role this year.

Then I thought, maybe it's only me who consider this a problem? I'm naturally extroverted and feels really uncomfortable when the conversation dies, and we sit there in silence. My inlaws may feel very differently about this. Maybe they feel it's nice with a pause from the chatter .

Any thoughts from some one with an introverts percpective on this?

As an aspie, I don't like small talk or superficial chatter that doesn't seem genuine. As an introvert, I prefer small and intimate gatherings with one or two friends to a crowd of people. Part of this is that as an aspie, it is hard for me to track all of the social cues happening when multiple people are interacting. They don't come natural like they do to you as an extroverted NT and I feel exhausted after trying to keep up like you might after taking a hard exam that you had to cram a lot of info into your head for.

I'm not sure if your inlaws are introverted or on the spectrum or introvered and on the spectrum... But I would suggest not "trying" to fill a role and forcing superficial chatter on them. Make genuine conversation about things that interest them and see if that opens them up. Keep asking questions. If the conversation dies and they are content to be silent and don't appear to feel awkward about it, maybe just find something to do with your hands/brain so that you don't feel awkward.

I don't know your husband's family so it may be a completely ridiculous suggestion, but maybe a board game/card game/holiday movie would give everyone something to do so that they can interact in the present moment rather than trying to talk small talk about their jobs and weekly routines.

Happy Holidays.

Thank you for a good advise. A board game would actually be an excellent activity. My son is very into games. He's the only five year old I know of that plays Settlers . It would hell calm him too.

My son is the only one with a diagnose, but it wouldn't surprise me too much if other family members qualified too.

I'm quite comfortable with small talk myself. The goal of such conversations isn't really to learn more about the current weather or related themes, but to establish or keep up the social connection to the other person. But with my inlaws the resultat may be the opposite , that everyone feels awkward. I will try to stay calm and focus on the kids .