why do so many aspie struggle with women

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Because... Women are generally very sensitive and emotional and aspie men are more logical and detached. Aspie men and females are like oil and water. Aspie men are also more direct and women like all the subtle communication crap.

If female aspies struggle to maintain frienships with women. Male aspies or socially awkward non-alpha males would have even more trouble making friends with women. People with Aspergers hate playing complex social games with all the nonsense that comes with it.

Women are very social. I know if I upset a woman she can tell 100 people before I could tell 5.

Even if I'm more upset than her, I feel as if people are more inclined to sympathize with her just because more people care about her to begin with. Women always have people following them. I don't.

I feel like it doesn't matter how strong or intelligent I am if she has a monopoly on people's affections.

I know what you mean, they have their own expectations of what you should say and if you fall short or don't read a subtle que they have given then might as well go home...

I was feeling really depressed when I wrote that. I have some female acquaintances who don't play games and we get on well because we can't do the social dance that often come with female relationships and we apprieciate each other's straight forwardness. So it is possible to meet women who are easy to get along with and who don't enjoy drama. The problem is they are more difficult to meet because we are the sort who don't like parties or social gatherings and if we are out we probably won't talk to you because we are just trying to cope with being there in the first place.

Men can be confusing critters too

I never know where I stand with males. I can't read what they want from me.

It does not help that I am not a charming flirt so fail abysmally at finding boyfriends. I keep giving out the wrong impression somehow. It is really rather frustrating. Not only do I keep attracting what I am not looking for (casual sex) but I keep attracting men whom I have nothing in common with. My internet posting style is misleading as it makes me look outgoing when in real life I tend to be very quiet, reserved and somewhat aloof on first meeting. Over time I warm up but am prone to disappearing off on my own a lot (something men can't cope with...they think I don't like them anymore which is not true!). However I a never going to be the wild party animal type. I spend most of my time in museums and the library.

I am also planning on going beach combing for fossils etc.

i really wanted a lovely partner to come with me, then we could have had lots and lots of fun together at teh beach and gone home and had sex afterwards.

I am daydreaming again...I do this sometimes. Excuse me.

My point is women can have the same problems meeting people as men.

I hate social games and its one reason I am thinking about just not bothering to try anymore with the whole social scene.

For example I would like a companion go to the theater with one evening. I have decided it would be easier to hire someone to act as a companion for a few hours than it would be to go through playing all the social games and jumping through all the required hoops to find a companion the natural way.

I don't want to spend the next 6 months to 2 years or so of my life playing some strange social dance all for a night out to the theater.

It just doesn't seem to be worth it, especially with all the drama that usually comes along with the whole thing.

Now if people could just be tactful but straight up and skip all the dramatics...and the silly games....meeting people might be more fun.

I don't have this impression.

For myself, gender isn't really important in a "harmless" conversation. A few months ago, I even used to say socializing was easier with women to me, but now I think it's about the same.

The non-verbal component is actually more difficult, though. I make less eye contact, and any kind of touching is excluded (except maybe shaking hands, which is bad enough). And sometimes I run into awkward situations, like when I'm suddenly alone with someone. I'm so afraid anything I do might be misunderstood.

Oh, and anything that belongs into the Love&Dating section is indeed very difficult for me, but this doesn't seem to be what this thread is about.

It's a combination of nervousness, paranoia, and not wanting to express any sexually deviant thoughts. I can't even tell you how many times I've sat at a table to attempt to introduce, let alone make conversation with girls. They're always more interested in texting, while I'm nervously eating my food...

part of the problem is that women are also not very good at dealing with men. They get nervous / afraid when someone puts focuses a lot of emotional energy on them and they may not be sure what to do.