Lost my best friend

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A little background. I've known this friend for about three years. We have kids roughly the same age despite her being a little over ten years my senior. Right now, we're both going through complicated divorces from abusive men. She was the one who supported me when I got out, and I thought we'd always be there for each other. About seven months ago, we went from seeing each other nearly all the time to going months without seeing each other. Last weekend, the truth finally came out. She said I wasn't supportive and I was too self-absorbed to notice that I was pushing her kids away. She doesn't want to see me anymore. It's been four days and it still hurts. The weird part is that I did everything short of an unfriending on Facebook (blocked all her posts, blocked her from mine) and she hasn't taken me off her FB. As far as I'm concerned, it's over. But I'm a little afraid to unfriend her because if she notices, she might get mad. Unofficially, it's over. And I'm in very deep mourning.

humans are a terrible disappointment, aren't they?

Too many darned soap operas in life!

I don't know if that is what I call a best friend but more of a support system for a short time. As for her letting you go I don't think she is going to care if you unfriend her on FB. It does not sound like she is too interested.


Not to mention a true friend would not just desert you out of the blue like that unless you did something that you did not like. She just sounds like she is making excuses.

true friends are loyal.

I'm sorry your friend has left. She clearly has issues, and she's lashing out and clearing the decks, and in a not very good way.

There's some chance, like maybe 10%, if you wait a couple of weeks, you could then fight and advocate and argue with her, no, I want to be there for you, and you are not being fair to me. Slim chance. May or may not be worth the attempt. You have to decide that one.

I'm glad you're in the process of getting divorced from an abusive man. I bet this has been difficult to say the least.

there are millions of people more deserving of the OP's friendship.

I am going through the same thing myself at the moment. I was rejected by someone who I got to know over 8 years. She even said things to me that sounded sincere that she really did not mean in the end. For instance, she that I was like a sister to her.

She most recently turned it off on me by going out of her way one minute to invite me over for dinner and the next taking an attitude with me and ignoring me right after that.

I asked what was wrong and she said that she felt like there had been a conflict between us for a long time. She then said that were just were not a good fit for each other due to personality, interest and age differences. Then she wished me good luck. I know those were excuses because another friend tried to contact her and get an understanding. She told him that she is very sad about the choices that she made and that she did not want to say anything bad about me and then brushed him off So I get it that she does not like me.

I thought she was my friend too.

Anyway you my dear have every right to be angry with your friend for pulling what she did. While you have to be careful, there is a time to speak your mind by telling her that you trusted her

I had many of these experiences when growing up and today I am even more guarded than I was before (not to say I wasn't guarded when I was younger, I was but recently it became more of that). I had people I knew pretty well and while I wanted to be friends or closer to them, they wanted to distance from me. I had a friend whom I knew in late high school and even throughout college we often talked a lot, but after he graduated from graduate school (a year ago), I haven't been able to get in contact with him anymore. We used to hang out with each other the last 6 or so years, and just a little background on him, he is pretty lonely as well and he often doesn't have many friends, but now I think he's just gone now and when I tried to talk to him on FB he's not on there anymore nor IRL so basically I've not been able to talk to him for almost a year now.

It's funny how we have people who we trust that we think would know better. Then when it comes to being tested with the trials of this life is when their true colors come out. Then they betray our trust and desert. It always amazes me.

I know, and it's people like those that discourage me from wanting to better my "social life" and wanting to lead a solitary life. Though the consequence is that leading a solitary life will get very lonely after some time, which is a vicious cycle for me. I try to make friends gets turned down (especially when tested at the trials of life) and then I get sad/discouraged then I go into isolation (back into my little world), and then after some time feel lonely, retry and the cycle restarts. If I could break this cycle, I would but until then, it seems like a toxic social cycle.

What ticks me off are people like the girl who said those superficial things but it's really to get what they want. Then when they have what they want you start getting treated differently and dump you.

She wasn't your friend. Just an acquaintance who was going through a similar situation. Meet more people. There has to be support groups for recently divorced moms. Groups are better because you don't have to focus on a single person. If one person bails on you again, you still have another.

I like the support group idea myself. Also depending what your interests are there is always meet up.com.

Thanks, everyone, for the support. I know this was largely my fault, but it upsets me because she told me that she figured out ages ago that I had AS. And then she gets mad at me because I need help and my AS issues with communicating are not helping.

You are certainly very welcome. My last advice to you would be to write to her a very short letter that you forgive her for what she has done but that her actions were not okay. Then just wish her the best.