Having a "crush" on someone just because they are

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StutteringAspie
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11 Mar 2013, 12:46 pm

Does anyone else have this problem? It seems like if I'm talking to a girl who I think is pretty I automatically start to wonder if she likes me.Then in like a month I blurt out my feelings just for her to say i need to spend more time with you which is understandable.I just want to make a female friend without me developing romantic feelings for her. Can anyone help me out with this?



Urist
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11 Mar 2013, 2:32 pm

Age would definitely help with context here. During adolescent years hormones, exaggerated and idealistic fantasies of what sexual activities are actually like and general social awkwardness can make for a lot of confusion associated with whatever sex you're attracted to. Personally, I haven't had that problem with guys but I would recommend just trying to think of women you don't want to sexualise in terms of their interests, personality and actions rather than their physical appearance. Just think of them as a person, as 'one of the guys' and hopefully it'll help you a little. If you're still young, it's really not worth worrying about to a huge degree. That kind of social anxiety beyond about 20 or so years old would probably be an issue, however.


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Allfly
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12 Mar 2013, 12:23 am

(I'm sorry for my English) I am 27 years old and I still have a crush almost every month on coworkers, actors, musicians etc. I think it is any disorder, but as for you, I think this is just age) You'll get over it with time


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Toy_Soldier
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13 Apr 2014, 12:05 pm

No. I can't offer any solutions, because I have a similar problem. I can develop a 'crush' all too easily. I think it may be something in one's makeup, that you impulsively over react to any positive feelings or feedback. But with me usually, as quickly as it comes, it goes, as the first reaction to a negative feeling can propel it just as wildly to the other side. In the past I have thought of it as being emotionally needy, and that may be part of the motivation behind it. Our maybe just emotionally out of control. I don't really know. :?



sk8r44809
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15 Apr 2014, 9:02 pm

You know honestly, I feel that I've calmed down a lot romantically... I used to be in similar shoes to what I hear you describing... but I don't really think that the way I feel has changed all that much. Rather, I take those feelings less seriously now than I used to, and I recognize that when I hang out with pretty women then my mind is naturally going to wander and it doesn't really have to mean anything more than the fact I have an active imagination.

So first of all, please hear me saying that you are not alone, and I still get caught up in romantic feelings all over the place. I know some really really cool girls/women, and I don't think it's bad for either of us to realize we would enjoy if things developed into a romantic attachment.

Second of all, and I can't remember at the moment if you were asking for advice or not, but if I am to give you one bit of advice it would be to ask yourself if it really needs to be something you tell a girl about... when you develop some level of crush on them. Because in the past I definitely believed that I had a duty to be honest about how I felt... but nowadays I am not as convinced. On the one hand, as you already realize about yourself... it's not exactly the most undying or consistent feeling ever, if you find yourself crushing on every pretty girl that you make friends with. And this isn't a bad thing, but it is important to realize that if you consistently have crushes on a lot of different girls that you know, it probably has more to do with you being aware and alive as a young man, and less to do with anything special or important about them individually. As human beings, and women, of course they are special and important... but as potential mates for you, it sounds like there are a lot of people who could fill that position as far as you are concerned. Therefore you may not need to feel bound to actually tell these girls how you feel, especially early in the process...

On the other hand, if you keep that information to yourself and find that your feelings DO last more long term with an individual girl... then there may come a time when you SHOULD actually tell her how you feel. But I think the best way for an aspie to know when that time comes is by asking whether it would be worth losing the friendship you have with a girl for the CHANCE to have a romantic relationship instead. Because quite simply, that is what you risk when you tell a girl that you like her. If you want to date her badly enough to risk losing her as a friend, then maybe that is the time that you can be honest and tell her how you feel.

But no, in conclusion, I do not personally feel that there is anything wrong with liking a friend in a semi-romantic way... and I don't think there is anything bad about keeping that to yourself at least for a while.