I always say the wrong thing

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Hey guys. I need help. For as long as I can remember, sometimes when I'm talking to someone, I'll make a joke, or just make a random comment about something, and everyone will just get angry. Meanwhile I have no idea why what I said was offensive. Its been getting really bad to where I keep pissing off my two closest friends, and I dont mean to. I keep trying to explain to them that sometimes I just dont realize what im saying and I dont mean to offend but they keep getting angry and always say the same thing, "think before you speak". I keep trying to watch what I say but I cant help slipping up. I hate myself for it to be honest. Its gotten to the point where I started cutting because of it. I keep screwing up and I dont even mean to. Is there anyone else out there with the same problem? Please talk to me. I just want to talk to someone who understands. Please help me.

It would help if you gave some examples of the things you say.

I do that to some degree.. not really insulting people just that things come out the wrong way.

You can't really fix it right away. You just have to learn from every situation. Next time that it happens remember the entire conversation and think about everything that you said. Figure out what part of what you said was offensive. Sometimes you may be trying to be nice but you what you say is offensive. For example if I was talking to someone who is overweight and I said "you get around pretty good for someone your size." Maybe I meant that in a nice way but I think you can see how that would be offensive. But eventually after thinking about each time that you made someone mad you will learn from each mistake.

Another thing to remember is that you can please all of the people all of the time. Sometimes in my life, I've learned that I can only be verbally myself in front of certain people, which is frustrating, because that just means I'm walking on eggshells around 99% of the population.

That might be something you have to practice. Just waiting and listening, feeling the crowd so to speak. Sometimes you just have to take the chance that something you'll say might not offend someone and other times you have to throw caution to the wind and hope for the best. There's no tried and true formula, sadly.

As to your friends, I'm sorry they're not being very supportive. I'll admit that there were times I could have been more patient with people who I personally knew to be struggling with their own social awkwardness and there were other times I wished people close to me could be more supportive of my mistakes. Sometimes it seems like all anyone wants to do is rub salt into your wounds, as if you needed a reminder of the mistake you've made, which isn't going to help you learn.

Another thing I would suggest is to expand your social circle a bit more. I've found a fairly tight group of close people that can be open with. They tolerate my blunders and I'm able to adjust more accordingly when they introduce me to others.

Do your friends KNOW you have Autism? That's pretty important. Don't use it as an excuse like some people do (that makes all of us look bad) but let them understand that you will unintentionally offend people AND--here's the important part--you are willing to listen and modify your behavior when they say you've done something hurtful.

I do this to everyone I meet who I'll be interacting with for an extended period of time. I tell them I'm Autistic and therefore prone to accidentally offending or upsetting people, that I don't mean it when I do, and that they should tell me when I do something hurtful and WHAT it is I've done (and if possible, why it's wrong, how to fix it, and what I should have done instead--but they don't always know that) so that I can try to fix the mistake and avoid making it in the future.

A lot of people I talk to are really happy when I tell them this and say they wish they were allowed to do this to everyone. Many also seem to respect the fact that I'm willing to change my behavior when I do something wrong, and it helps them to know I CARE about hurting people. Maybe you could try this and see if your friends are more willing to tell you what exactly you've DONE instead of just saying "think before you speak" and generic stuff like that. Eventually, you'll start to learn which things are offensive, even if it's only through trial and error.

I do that all the time.

I can be so blunt sometimes and I find that when I tend to be honest about my feelings about my surroundings whether it be people or anything else, I get blunt to the point where it could be, well, hurtful and insensitive to the people around me. By the time I realize what I've said it was after the fact. I sometimes wish I could just stop myself from doing it, and I've done it as long as I remember, but I don't mean to, and when I sense a person is hurt by what I said, I feel bad because I know I upset them.