Funerals

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A few months ago I had the displeasure of attending a funeral. Luckily, my 14 month old daughter kicked up such a stink that I got to leave 10 minutes into it.

However, the funeral went for 2 whole hours.

What is the point in this???
Some dude dies and everyone puts their lives on hold to sit around and cry. Seems like a total waste of time if you ask me. Needless to say I was glad to be out of there.

Sure, people die, it's sad. But why devote more than half an hour to the service. I mean, they're dead. It's not like they care. They aren't sitting there watching to see that you're sad for the requisite amount of time.

When I die, I want my funeral at McDonalds.

At least, that way, people get to enjoy one of my favourite activities. It's hard to cry at McDonalds, unless you're that kid who dropped their icecream on the slide on the playground.

I've attended more than my fair share of funerals. What has always gotten to me is that the dearly departed was the best person to ever walk the earth. I've always told people that at mine, it would be OK with me if they got up and said 'you know, he was kind of a skunk.' It's alright for the immediate family to get up and praise the person, but it gets weird after awhile. The body all laid out in the coffin is often creepy, particularly if the person had some horrible disease that left them emaciated. I think the best thing was when we all got a balloon and walked outside to release them and watch as they flew away. Nice symbolism there. Not sure if i want mine at a fast food place, though.

I guess it takes a lot of time to say goodbyes, departing from dead loved ones is a complex emotional process. Also the length of a service will vary depending on church practices or what was wanted at a funeral.

Me at funerals... I keep my mouth shut at all times to not offend the living. I've been told off that my body language shows I don't care for relatives I don't personally know too well. I've been to many funerals already...

Hopefully the next one I go to is my own. I hate the bloody things.

Peonally I don't mind them - but then I do get paid to be there......

Funeral is not for the dead, it is for the living. You might not be so close to the one who died or you simply don't care but for some of the people attending it is a huge change in their lifes and it hurts a lot. They feel they need to say "good bye" to the dead one properly or else they are going to have nightmares the dead is angry with them for not caring... or something like that. It is psychological thing, not to be explained logically.

Personally I don't think the funerals are too long. The ceremony takes its time and it was always like that, it is a tradition. People met in the church, get a mass (well, I don't like the part but this is because I'm agnostic but most people in my country, including my parents are Christian) that last a hour then all participants walk from the Church to the graveyard which may take some time (graveyard can be quite away from the Church). Then, for about 30 mins they put the dead into a grave and say things about him/her.
I think just the last part would be alright but I am "not allowed" to say anything bad about the Church because I am a non-believer myself. But I don't really mind attending it. In the church I look around - staring at all the decorations and counting pillars.

Funerals are about closure.

There should be two distinct stages. The viewing/burial and the "wake."

Some won't go to the first because of the time and creepiness of it, but they will stop by at the "wake" and offer their condolences to the family. Since it's socially acceptable to be "creeped out" by funeral homes, it's okay to not go to the viewing.

Am I the only Aspie here who cries at funerals? Last year I had my grandfather's funeral, and I cried like anything. I tried not to, but when his children (my dad and his 2 sisters and 1 brother) entered and sat in the row in front of us (also his wife with them too) the tears just came and I was shaking. The songs made me cry too, and while the person was up the front talking I was thinking of some of the memories I have of my grandfather and that made me cry again. Then when we went out to look at the flowers I cried even more, and people cuddled me. I just cannot take funerals, I just get too emotional. Looking at other people close to the person that has died sets me off crying, because I can feel what they're feeling, and I just want to go up to them and cuddle them. I'm having tears coming down my face now just talking about it.

I remember that i couldn't understand this either until i was 16 and my grandmother died.
Until that day i remember being always thinking that funerals and that stuff are pointless.
All of those people going to the parents and saying things like "I'm sorry" was just too obnoxious for me. What was the point? The person is dead and saying "i'm sorry" won't change that.
Until the day my grandmother died and i remember that even during the funeral i wasn't crying and wasn't even sad.
But, during the next week, i had to go on her old house to see my grandfather and on the moment i walked the entire house and have not felted her presence and listened to her voice i truly realized what "death" really means. I cried intensively during weeks and was always wishing to go back in time and be able to even stare at her for a little longer during that last day.
So i agree with Kiriae here. Funerals are actually for the ones that are alive and love the person that died so much that they need to spend some time saying the last good bye.

We buried my mother last month. She had a funeral Mass in the church and then a graveside commital service. It took all day. She had one of the old Requiem Masses and that was over an hour but it takes that long because it's religious rite and you have to do certain things in a certain order. Then we drove over an hour to the cemetery and it was about 30 minutes at the grave. She wanted to be buried with the rites that her religion has for the dead. Whether you or I believe it, she did and so that's what we got her. Also, it was the last thing I would ever do for her and I don't think it's asking too freaking much to give an hour or two for someone you care about when you will never, ever have to give another second of your life to them again.

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The movie "Harold and Maude" has a funny approach to funerals. Both the main characters attend funerals for the heck of it, maybe to gain a little zen kick about living fully. It's a pretty cool movie.

I've found funerals to be useful as an initial step in the grief process. It feels right to me to be able to remember in community, since most often the person was engaged in community (be it a family or friends group, or what have you). It seems like a connective way to lift a little love skyward.

I don't go to anybody's funeral, unless I HAVE to.

I think funerals are mostly for the people who are grieving than the person who died. I only been to a few & I wasn't close to any of the people even my grandparents so I didn't really feel anything.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQH_Xx5tA8Q[/youtube]