Overprotective Mother

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Does anyone have overprotective parents? If so, what I'm about to post should sound very familiar to you. My mother is very overprotective of me. I'm in my early twenties and take classes part-time at a local community college. Here's how she's overprotective and why.

1. She doesn't let me do social activities because she's worried that somebody will kidnap me or beat me up, etc.
2. She doesn't let me take risks at all due to the same reasons I listed above.
3. She objects to a certain fandom I'm a part of because she's worried about what others might think of me.
4. She encourages me to be independent, but actually gets in the way of me being able to do so.
5. She's made me defriend people on Facebook over posts she didn't like (or thought were directed against me, but in reality, weren't directed at anybody in particular).

Number one is very weird because she actually does encourage me to hang out with friends, but in real life, she almost always says no. That is pretty contradictory. That does eliminate any chance of me developing social skills.
Number two's self explanatory, so I'm not gonna go into detail.
Number three is very understandable as I am part of a certain fandom that many find very weird. She's asked me to get rid of merchandise due to what others might think of it, which I refuse to do. You don't just get rid of that kind of stuff just because someone doesn't like it. She doesn't let me go to local fan meetups, which I want to go to very badly. However, I did manage to sneak to one meetup, and I hosted one myself without my mother knowing about it.
Number four is like number one as she gets in the way of me trying to be independent, such as doing chores for me, etc. I honestly feel she should have made me do chores when I was a kid (elementary school age).
Number five is also like number one, but I've learned to keep her off my Facebook. I won't allow her on my friends list either. She doesn't do number five very often anymore; she hasn't done it at all since 2012 when she made me deactivate my account let me reactivate it a couple of weeks later.

I feel that the only short-term solution to the problem is to be assertive and stand up against her. However, I'm not that assertive, and my verbal and social skills aren't that great; they're actually worse now than when they were when I was in my late teens due to my anxiety getting really bad a few years back.

I'd like to know how to stand up against my mother so that she's much more likely to let me hang out with friends, stuff she deems "risky" (almost everything), and at least accept that I'm part of a very weird fandom and stop giving me crap about it. And I'd like to know both verbal and non-verbal ways on how to do so.

I'm really sorry to hear about that. I wouldn't call either of my parents over-protective. They do worry about me, but that's to be expected. Each of them is worried about completely different things though so I can usually get aproval to do whatever I want (within reason). You see, my dad is really worried about the things I watch on TV or look at on the internet, but encourages me to go out in the world and do the things that interest me from making cord out of pine and spruce roots to making a blacksmith forge in the back yard (that one didn't go over well with his current girlfriend, but I did get to do some back yard archery while he was still single.)

As for my mom, she isn't really worried about the things I watch or read about as long as she knows that I'm safe. In the past, she hasn't let me leave the house for more than two hours a day (that made freshman year awkward), but more recently she's gradually been giving me more freeom. So, she's the one I'm going to see a live version of Rocky Horror Picture Show with, but not somebody I'm likely to go white water rafting with in an inflatable kayak (unlike dad, with whom I've done exactly that).

Of course, for most of my life I've lived at my grampa's house. He's a tough old guy from the 1950s who tries to live as much like he did then as modern laws allow. A good example of this is gun laws. Now, I'm not going to say that it's right or wrong, but I began basic firearm safety training at the age of five when I was given a bb gun to practice with. After proving that I knew and would adhere to the rules I was taught, I was given my first real firearm for my tenth birthday. It was basically a Ruger 10/22 knockoff. I can remember him telling me about how when he was in school, he would drive there without a license and nobody ever questioned him about it because he wasn't hurting anybody and it was fairly common to do that kind of thing in small towns around here at that point in time. He would leave his rifle in the cab of his truck, plainly visible in the gun rack and nobody cared. that was just normal at the time.

Having grown up with a level of freedom that people today just don't have, he allows me a lot of freedoms that neither of my parents do (and my mom's letting me try beaver trapping tomorow). However, he also holds me to a much higher standard than either of them do. He expects me to be able to do whatever he asks at a moment's notice (whic might be anything from building a new lattice so he can grow more grapes to de-mossing the roof) and have a good attitude about it. He also doesn't put up with me getting in any sort of trouble. He hasn't tried to ground me or anything like that in years, but many times he's chewed me out worse than either of my parents ever have.

As for that fandom, my mom found out I was a brony because I was designing an OC on the computer with my back to the dining room while she was eating. I don't buy murchandise or show up to conventions or anything like that though because it's not important enough to me for me to invest what little money I have from the sh***y jobs I get into it. My dad found out that one of my friends was a brony and actually suggested that I stop spending time with him because "normal guys" shouldn't like that kind of thing. I can't imagine how my grampa would react to it, but I know he'd be upset. So, it's something that I enjoy casually, but just don't talk about IRL unless it's with someone who I know is also a fan. Now, I'm not saying that you're a brony, I'm just saying that this is a fandom not unlike the one you described

It sounds like your mother does not quite understand Autism herself. It might be good to suggest to her that she joins a support group for parents of other adults on the spectrum. As far as her actions go, I would tell her

"Mom, I appreciate your concerns and I love you. However, I understand that you want me to be independent but you never let me have a life. How are are you going to expect me to grow when you keep holding me back? Besides I am over 18 years old so please stop controlling my life."

That's very noble advice. However, in the case of overprotective parents, I don't think parents are ever going to cede control over their children's life. This is particularly evident in father-daughter and mother-son relationships. Therefore, instead of trying an assertive approach, I would learn to conceal my intentions with my parents and cede territory on certain matters with my parents, if it means I get my own way on the things that really matter to me. Better to keep your parents on side, while getting your own way. I admit, it's a delicate art, but the reality is you go through a lifetime playing a game with your parents and you learn over time to play the game better, while when you are younger, your parents generally have it over you.