Making friends with 'degenerate' people easily?

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Summer_Twilight
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26 Oct 2014, 2:45 pm

The first thing to consider when you go out and meet people ask yourself a question. "Am I lonely?" Then figure out how to work on yourself and find some meet up groups where you share the same interest.

As for meeting people who have bad influences I have been a magnet for them in the past.

Examples

-Childhood friend who got into some bad crowds before she turned 12 and ended up becoming extremely guy crazy to the point that nothing else mattered.

-I was friends with a guy in Middle and high school who turned out to be a big liar. They were ones that you could believe.

- A girl who I met on a bus who had issues with lots of swearing and a bad temper. She also appeared to hang with the bad crowds.

-A girl who I met through an Autism center that used lots of profanity and she also very wild and guy crazy like the first girl. She was also quite abusive

As the years have gone by I have been able to pick much better friends by learning who I am as a person. I can also make better judgments towards other people too based on the way they talk.



Mitrovah
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26 Oct 2014, 8:07 pm

seem to be my problem too. I seem to attract all the unbalanced weirdo's I am trying to avoid but by the same token seem to be too much for normal people I never even have spoken to yet. I wonder if it is my stiff body language and "vibe" I give off. I have become more suspicious of people who take a interest in me.



Outrider15
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26 Oct 2014, 9:29 pm

Mitrovah wrote:
seem to be my problem too. I seem to attract all the unbalanced weirdo's I am trying to avoid but by the same token seem to be too much for normal people I never even have spoken to yet. I wonder if it is my stiff body language and "vibe" I give off. I have become more suspicious of people who take a interest in me.


I actually have been friends with these 'type' of people before, but only been set-up to be used and abused.

In the first and second graqde for example I had a friend named Mitchell. He was a little punk who you just knew would end up with the wrong crowds.

Only a 6/7 year old kid, he swore and would talk about all that inappropriate stuff. He accepted me for how I was but he wasn't afraid to just turn around and betray me any chance he got.

Unsurprisingly years later when I was in around the 7th grade, he turned out to be a bad kid who does bad things.

There was another one too, Richard. Richard was a bully who used me to steal my lunch and other kinds of nasty little stuff, with me being barely capable of standing up for myself.

Again, he turned out the leader of the group that Mitchell is in.

I don't know how they are now, but I'm sure they turned out bad in high school.

There was also my friend Christian's older brother Daniel, who was a couple years older and a young teenager. He turned out smoking weed and getting into fights and all that other stuff.

Basically everytime I've been friend with 'that type' of person I end up worse than before.

This is why I've become so avoidant of them in the first place - but I still find myself completely drawn to them.

This is my problem...

I guess what advice the other's have said is true, and it has definitely changed my views a little. Maybe they accept me for how I am if I can accept them back, maybe they are decent people, maybe outcasts attract outcasts, etc.
'
But they're considered 'outcasts' for a reason - maybe "normal" people are being too judgemental? Or maybe "normal" people are right about them? This is the true question...



886
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27 Oct 2014, 5:06 am

Outrider15 wrote:
Bustduster wrote:
Erm ... lose the judgmental piety?

I don't know where you live from, but being drunk, talking about one night stands which you *may* or *may not* really have had and experimenting with marijuana once in a while hardly strike me as uncommon activities for people your age. What's more, if you open your mind a little you might find that these people have more to offer as all-round human beings than what you consider to be their degenerate behaviour might suggest. Plus, they'll probably grow out of seeing such actions as anything worth boasting about as they get older.


As I said I don't mix with these people well, they aren't "my" kind of people so to speak.

I'm not saying what they do is bad, and they are nice people, don't get me wrong.

However, I know their 'type'. These are the kind of people who wouldn't accept me for who I am and I can already tell.

I was actually GOOD friends with one of the kinds of people I'm talking about. He called me a 'p*ssy little f*ggot' or something like that because I asked him if he likes CARD GAMES.

This is what I'm talking about. The kind of people who would beat the cr*p out of me and call me a f*ggot if I ever told them I think I'm Bisexual. The kind of people who would see me as "effeminate, weak, a sissy" if they knew I liked writing, reading, poetry, art, etc.

The majority of people who do drugs, get drunk and all that stuff are still just nice, ordinary people.

However, those AREN'T the ones that I'm so drawn to. I'm drawn more to the ones that would try to use me for their own gains, or abandon me when times get tough. Slimy little weasels who would bring more trouble to me than good.

But you DO have a point. Maybe I should be less judgemental firsthand.

The real issue is separating the decent and nice people who might have a little fun sometimes, and the low-lifes who might just use me.


I absolutely understand your dilemma.

I grew up around these people. They are always trying to prove they are tough, they always want to flaunt their masculinity to the world. They feel they need to fit in to what society demands of them. The activities they enjoy are typical of that social group. All my friends wanted to do growing up was drink, smoke, get in fights, I've known some to join gangs simply to look "tough" and using women for sex made you cool. I felt none of those things suited my personality in the slightest bit. What I learned at that age is that you DON'T have to do those things to fit in. The people who do, however, are going to judge you. They're going to call you gay, they're going to treat you as inferior. It's best to just avoid those people at all costs.

What I learned is my true friends were the ones where we never had to prove anything to each other. We could just hang out and share our favorite albums (and that doesn't have to be violent gangster rap, it usually wasn't.) I made friends based off common interests, I was in the ski club, many many things. I made some great friends and had a good time without having to act like a masculine douche.

The pressure in high school is worse than ever, education has become secondary to gender roles and sexuality. I don't remember being in high school where the majority of students actually had any interest in what the teacher was explaining. When people say "just be yourself" it sounds corny, but it's absolutely true. Your true friends you can do and say anything with without having to prove your worth. You can meet people who have interests besides fitting in.

My 14 year old nephew is a prime example of what you're talking about. All he cares about is being tough and fitting in. It's too bad, mostly because he isn't tough at all. His only interests are guns, skateboarding, weed, alcohol and the UFC. His grades in school are abysmal. He goes to lengths to show off to girls. There's so much more to life, and I wish he would realize that. He doesn't even have hobbies or a mind of his own, he just does and likes things because he's led to believe people think they're cool. The only hobby he had was pokemon, but he abandoned it at 13 because he was told "it was gay."


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Summer_Twilight
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27 Oct 2014, 6:29 am

I was wondering if I still give off weird vibes because it seems to me that I have a hardest time making connections in a church type of a setting.

I also hear what some of you are saying that regular people seem to push us away and interact with other regulars. I would like to interact with them because they probably have better morals. The problem is that I think differently than them.



whatamess
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09 Dec 2014, 1:48 pm

I can see this happening in my life as well. For a while there, when I had lots of peace and lived alone, I was a bit better…but yes, it seems that maybe those are the ONLY people who truly "accept" us? Maybe that's why? :-(



Tori0326
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13 Dec 2014, 11:41 pm

I'm beginning to think that most people are 'degenerate' and I'm just naive.
I try not to judge but when what they're doing interferes with other people's lives, including mine, I'm going to have definite opinions.

The neighbors on one side of me are a mother and her mostly grown sons. One of which just got out of prison and one who is on house arrest. Since the day they moved in they've bummed my hose, bummed my electric, bummed rides, bummed my wifi, bummed cigarettes from my gf, etc. Of course, they manage to find the resources to acquire marijuana as I smell that every evening I step outdoors.

The neighbors on the other side seem like normal people. Their kids play with my kid. I've been watching their kids in my home on weekends quite frequently lately. At first it seemed to be what I perceived was going out to dinner or something 'normal' couples do. Then I noticed they weren't going anywhere, but rather various other people were coming to their house. Turns out they're swingers or whatever you want to call it. So I'm watching their kids while they're having sex parties to all hours of the night.

I'm particularly tired tonight watching the neighbor kids because I was in the ER all night last night with my gf who got clipped by a car while she was out walking her dog. I know my gf was intoxicated because she didn't come home for hours after her company Christmas party. My son, the neighbor boy, and myself were waiting on her so we could go to the movies. I can't tell you how many times she has ruined an evening because she went on a bender. Her sister went looking for her and found her drunk off her ass and drove her home, leaving my car at the hotel where the party was. Of course now she's laid up and unable to help me retrieve the car. The driver who hit her was probably also under the influence of something as they didn't bother to stop.

My co-worker at my last job parties all the time, sleeps with whoever, does drugs, etc. He even failed the drug test when he got hired there and they still hired him! Guess who they fired....me! I swear I live in bizarro world. I think I just want to walk away from people in general as I can't seem to find people like me who DON'T sleep around, do drugs, get drunk, drive drunk, get arrested, etc. The waste my time, my money, my emotions, and endanger my and my son's safety and well being, not to mention the other people they endanger.



kraftiekortie
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17 Dec 2014, 8:34 pm

I'm the kind of guy that people don't want to hang out with because I'm boring and pretty square.



feralhominoid
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27 Dec 2014, 3:45 pm

Bustduster wrote:
Erm ... lose the judgmental piety?

I don't know where you live from, but being drunk, talking about one night stands which you *may* or *may not* really have had and experimenting with marijuana once in a while hardly strike me as uncommon activities for people your age. What's more, if you open your mind a little you might find that these people have more to offer as all-round human beings than what you consider to be their degenerate behaviour might suggest. Plus, they'll probably grow out of seeing such actions as anything worth boasting about as they get older.



agreed -- I have a lot of interactions with people that don't fit into straight-edge society to say the least -- many have their own mental illnesses and are also not caught up in the ILLUSION mainstream society has put out there in colorful tv land (you're clearly under the influence of this)... they have had hard times growing up and probably were rejected over and over again... they'd probably like to live normal, safe and happy lives but have been given a neuro-set up that has them thrill-seeking or risk-taking and it hasn't allowed them to live "straight edge", have the 2 car garage, 2.5 kids, and all that other junk..

You're probably attracted to them (all of you) because they ARE LIKE YOU... MORE SO than the SWPLs out there. You are smart to not bring them close into your intimate life, but be their friend, talk to them. Chill out.



Shadow Wolf
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28 Dec 2014, 3:30 am

Those who aren't "normal" tend to get along better with others who aren't "normal." I personally don't like being around bigots, but for one reason or another the people I am usually friends with would be labeled as a degenerate by another; I myself am sometimes labeled as such, but this is always by people who are very holier-than-thou or for by people who get upset by hearing things that are blunt and lacking empathy.
I think why these people are easier to get along with is because they too have views on life and other things that differ from most people in society, and even if they don't fully understand us, it is easier for them to "get it" when it comes to us because they are more used to non-mainstream views and thoughts in their world. It's also not too uncommon to find people with varying disorders among the outcasts and degenerates, so this may also prime these groups for being more accepting and welcoming of Aspies, whereas "normal" groups of people may have very little exposure to views and thoughts that deviate strongly from their own. They don't have to accept "odd balls" to have a social life, whereas those they have rejected don't get to be as picky about their friends.
One thing I'm having a hard time adjusting to at college is going from groups that "normal" society rejects to being thrust into these "normal" groups that frequently talk down upon those outcast groups were every friend I've ever had has come from.
Personally I'd rather hang out with the outcasts and degenerates as they are usually more direct and upfront, and they often lack the heavily sugar-coated view of the world that the "normal" groups usually never have to face.



chagya
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28 Dec 2014, 3:36 am

"Degenerates", IMO, from my experience, are typically fake congenial, manipulative and basically make new "friends" for the sole purpose of using them. Dishonest too, and will steal you blind if you give them a chance.



Evil_Chuck
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29 Dec 2014, 12:59 am

I am the same. Call it being judgmental or whatever you want, but I do not feel at ease around people who drink a lot, make a show of their drug habits, act loud or "gangster," have criminal records, or just generally seem untrustworthy. I don't throw the word degenerate around; these are just people I prefer not to associate with. I'm pretty good at picking up on those habits in a person, but it also helps that I don't really try to make friends with anyone.


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