How to Battle loneliness?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm abysmally lonely. My social interaction, sans inanimate objects like math books, amounts to my mom, in the evening, and my pet bird. I go hours upon hours without talking during the day. I haven't even got any online friends. Im dealing with several medical issues that complicate my ability to get out the house physically, nevermind my extreme social struggles. Im learning several instruments from a music therapist who took me under her wing; and I meet with a friend weekly to work on math and physics problems recreationally ... but I haven't been able to enjoy these activities, or attend school, since I fell seriously ill a few months back. I've never been very social; I tend to spend a lot of time alone — but now, having what minuscule socialization I had ripped away, extemporaneously, I feel bored, under-stimulated and terribly sad. I have my math, my physics, my hobbies — which I can do at home alone, true... but I feel hollow with no one to talk to. And then there's also a part of me that worries if I reached out to others and tried to make friends, that they wouldn't really like me.

I guess I'm looking for advice or insight. Experiences? Or even some kind of penpal website suggestion? Anything helps.

Thanks.

Some times you got to just trust your gut, walk out of the house, and meet someone. The longer you wait on doing this, the more you miss out and the more you will regret it in your adulthood.

Everyone has problems in life, but dealing with your problems by yourself won't help anything. And the more you worry and hesitate to go outside and make friends, the more time you waste in your youth, sorry to say.

I'm not expecting you to just walk outside and go all out and try to find a friend. These things take time, and it takes a lot of effort and thought to get out of your comfort zone socially. However, the more you work on it and the more effort you put into understanding the unwritten social world you weren't wired for, the more confident and relieved you will be in the end.

Let me give you an example on what I just said. I want to learn parkour, and the one move you need to know before you can say you are somewhat good at it is the backflip. I had to spend lots of time in the foam pit to practice my form and technique. When I thought I was comfortable, I moved on to a floor. I got ready and realized... I WAS TOO SCARED TO EVEN MOVE So I went back to the foam pit and kept practicing. Then I moved on to the floor again, tried to backflip, and landed on my chest and face. BACK TO THE FOAM PIT. Everyone told me "just jump strait up, throw your arms back, and tuck your knees," but I was too scared to do so. That means I wasted my time being scared instead of practicing. The thought of a backflip would come into my head and I would be like "NO, don't even go there!" It was just last night, after weeks of practice, that I landed fifteen backflips in a row. Was it worth the effort? YES. Was I relieved? YES. Was it worth the injuries? YES. Did it pay off all together? ABSOLUTELY!

So, theses things take time to practice and master, but you will get there. There will be times where you will be scared to talk to someone. There will be times where it may blow up in your face. And there will be times where you just want to give up. But it is always worth it in the end. If you work on social skills now, you will say in the end "I made it and it was worth the effort." If you keep waiting for good things to happen in your house, you will look back and say "wow, I wasted a lot of time." Up to you.

The workplace offline has given me some social interaction, and I know that for some people volunteer work winds up giving everyone a common cause to work towards, too. A volunteer opportunity might be a lot friendlier than the workplace because everyone wants to be there, and if you're ill the work might be light enough to be manageable. I've had trouble with all the conventional advice about just putting myself out there, since people simply start avoiding me after we hang out in person and I work part-time, freelance, and go to school. Facing that kind of rejection on a regular basis just saps me of any motivation to do anything when I already have no one to fall back on. The more ways in which you can connect to others, though (like music), the better your odds.

If you're short on the actual resources to do much offline, online friends can provide some stimulation. I try to pick people I share a lot of attitudes or interests with so that it's more comfortable to talk to each other naturally. Forum atmospheres differ greatly, so even online you have to be resilient to some extent and willing to try different forums that are just plain fun or useful to post on. On some I've made a handful of friends, on others none. Sometimes the first time I visited there was no one there I clicked with, but there was a couple years later when I came back with a different set of things to talk about.

Ever considered volunteering or support groups?

My advice? Embrace it. Coming to terms with the reality of it will help you to cope with it.

I tell women looking for man that the first thing is to stop looking or "needing" a man. Once you move on with life without something, it's easier to find it. If you fret over it, you just make yourself miserable and miss out on the other options you might have to enjoy life.

Everyone has different ways to do it.

One way that helps me is to contemplate on anything positive and not leaning towards obsessive self-consciousness.

This is where hobbies and interests come in.

If you do not first learn to appreciate your own company, how would you be able to tolerate the company of others?

Do something interesting.
Or go to meet/play with your friends in really life!