Problem with parties

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Hello guys,

I would like to talk with you about a problem that I have with parties. I feel a bit strange at times, because all my friends enjoy parties, and I'm usually the only one who never wants to go.

I don't like parties, but most of all... I don't understand them. I can't find anything interesting in a party, I don't like getting drunk and I don't like being in a place where the music is so loud that you can barely talk with anyone.

I also don't understand why people are so happy at parties. Yeah, I know it's the alcohol, but even before that all my friends are super-excited from the beginning and they already start singing and dancing before we even get there.

I am not able to go from a quiet moment to an exciting one without any particular reason. If I'm happy, it's usually for a reason, but when I'm going to a party I don't have reason to be happy all the sudden and start singing like something beautiful just happened.

Most of my friends also go to the parties because of the girls, but I don't like that either. I would like to meet a nice girl in a normal situation, go out with her, take her to dinner and all that stuff. I don't like to meet a drunk girl who barely understand what's going on around here.

As a shy person, I also don't like this kind of approaching due to the fact that the all situation is too obvious, and if you stare at a girl at a party, there's only one reason why you're doing that.

Because of my problems with parties, I'm also having problems at socialize with people at university (I'm at my first year), because parties seems like the only thing they enjoy.

I don't know if I'm autistic and if all of this may be related with autism (or asperger), but sometimes I feel like an autistic person (and not only for parties).

Thanks for you attention!

I have thrown multiple parties in my old basement apartment, with 10-100 people who attended.

It resulted in sex from attractive women my age.

I didn't like it much, because i didn't have any form of emotional connection with the women. I'm serious.


You know this is a true story because the sex was bad, and i blew alot of money.

You just THINK that everyone goes to parties.

Parties are very visible. There are other things you can do that will result in you coming into contact with women.

Don't bother with a party unless the following statement could come from your mouth: "I woke up beside a modestly attractive women this morning. My head hurts alot. I really don't know much about her, but apparently we're together and dating. I'll give it a shot. No big deal. I'm going to go have sex with her again, and enjoy it immensely."

Parties are about drinking, and getting laid. Don't bother with them unless these are priorities for you.

Better yet, go to a party, and learn this for yourself. It should only take one.

I think you're right.

What about university? You think that I shouldn't bother myself by trying to be friend with people that outside university seems to only enjoy parties?

I have no problems with my classmates, but I basically never see them outside university at the moment, because doing that will imply go to a party.

I mean, I want to be their friend and to build an emotional relationship with them, but if I try to do that by going to parties, I'm only doing that to feel more like part of the 'group', not because I enjoy it.

I'm a very reflective person, I like to talk with people, not dancing and drinking with them. All the friends that I have shares one or more passions with me (photography, writing, reading, cinema etc.), so I don't know if I can be friend with people that outside university are drunk most of the time.

I like parties where I can have deep conversations. Those exist. The thing is, you have to have friends who also value that. They can be hard to find, but when you go to a party and you can actually hear other people because there is no loud music, then you know you've found some people who value a real connection.

I don't go to parties usually but to other social gatherings. I like role playing, for instance. I also like lectures on subjects I'm interested in and then having coffee afterward with someone I know who also went so we can talk about it. I really like doing things alone, and having just a couple social encounters outside of my family a month.

But I never would stay at a loud party where the goal was a hook-up. Sounds like a good reason to find someone interesting and ask them to go for a walk outside.

a lot of people are extrovert; they gain (mental) energy by being around others, rather than having to spend it, as introverts do.

also, the music is loud becouse they filter it away; NTs can easily focus on the conversation they are in, reducing the percieved volume of music. in order to still hear it, it must therefor be at a higher level.

based on what you posted, OP, you are at least introverted, which is seperate from autism (there are extroverted autistics, as strange as that sounds)
i recommend you find some social club that doesn't rely on parties. book club, (tabletop)gaming club, chess club or any other hobby you got.
this allows you to socialise outside of parties, and you will also at least have one common interest: whatever that club is.

personally, i joined the orchestra and the D&D club. the orchestra gave me a group of people to talk to, and the D&D taught me a lot of extra social skills.

Thank you so much, guys!

There were times when I felt like there was something wrong with me, since all of my friends enjoy parties and I definitely don't. Also, my friends always see me like a person who needs to be 'normalised' and they seems like unable to understand why I don't enjoy the same things they enjoy.

I'll try to follow your advices. As izzeme said I'm definitely an introverted person, so I just need to find some activities that I can enjoy.

Unless it's a small gathering of friends where we're playing video games or something, I think parties suck. Honestly, what do people get out of standing and drinking with sh***y music blaring in the background? The only part I like about most parties is getting drunk, and that's the only way I can even tolerate them. LAN parties are different though, as they tend to be quieter, and they're actually based around an enjoyable activity.

Speaking of which, I haven't had a good LAN party with my friends in a while, but I'm not sure if they'd be up to it, since it seems they're all busy with jobs and such nowadays. I just want to do some co-op on Terraria, or play a good deathmatch on Quake 3.

Guys, in the last days I have tried to create some sort of deeper connection with my classmates in college, but I'm really starting to accept the fact that maybe we're just not on the same page about a lot of things.

Since I've started this topic I've also read a lot of studies and stuff about introverted people, and I must admit that's exactly my description. Before all of this I've never read anything about it, and now that I did it really helped me to understand myself. So, first of all I just want to thank you for that.

As I was saying I'm really struggling with the fact that I'm not able to create some sort of connection with my classmates, but at the same time I'm also starting to realise that maybe I don't need to. You know, people always tell you that you'll make a lot of friends in college and you'll have lot of fun, and because of that I was probably expecting the same thing, but I come to term with the fact that the idea of 'fun' that many people have is different from mine.

I can't also find anything really interesting about any of my classmates. They do a lot of small talks when we're together and I don't find the need nor the reason to say anything during this conversations, because for me that's just boring stuff. We don't share any common interests, and I can't do anything about it.

For me, spending time with people that only have this type of conversations is a waste of time, and I'm aware of the fact that if they weren't my classmates I'd have just moved one. I'm suffering the fact that we're in college together and I feel like I have to see them more often, like if I've some sort of obligation or something.

But at this point, if I can't find a reason to see them outside university, why should I do that? What do you guys think?