The "bar" concept

Post Reply New Topic

I ended my friendship with my ex-best friend (a female) not too long ago. The breakup was acrimonious. She wasn't my girlfriend, but the closest person to a girlfriend I had.

In trying to move on with my young life, there is this considerable void of friendship and time that I am seeking to fill. My friendship circle has dwindled to just a few people who work and live professionally (due to their careers). We'll have a beer every now and again, but they are people just like me. However, none of them could ever fill that huge void that was once the friendship my ex-best friend and I had. It bothers me that I am feeling quite down. She was someone that brought me out of a shyness shell (I am introverted), and now I fear that I'm wrapping myself back up in it. If anything, the thing I want to take away from our brief friendship is that I am out of my shell because of this friendship.

Because of this, I've been trying to get out more. There are several bars in both the town I live in and the one next door - all places where there are an abundant number of people much wilder than me. Now, none of the folks I know are the bar-going type. I used to go in several with my ex-best friend. When I have gone to the bars lately, it has been by myself and on nights where there isn't much else there. I have a tendecy to be stiff and stoned-faced at times when there's nothing going on to comprehend. I'm worried that because I'm not freely moving my arms, shoulders, hands, head, body around like how other people do, that it is a big turnoff for people that wish to approach me.

I completely lost where I'm going with this, but there was a guy (who was looking to get out of the house after dealing with a divorce) that told me that if I just sat there alone, there will be people approaching me. Yeah, didn't work the last time I was at one.

I guess I'm always looking to become more and more "cultured".

I'm never a bar person. Many people aren't bar people.

Visit museums and attend lectures there. There must be literary clubs where you are.

After many years of not going to bars
except maybe in costume for a Halloween dance
or St. Patrick's Day,
I tried going to a couple bars
because of all things, they had
good, cheap food.

Well, I stopped after some guy tried buying me a beer
that I didn't want.
Apparently, he saw me as a potential girl friend ...
the trouble was, he was pushy and I didn't feel safe around him.
Anyways, I acted like my typical Aspie self ...
which he both liked and disliked because I was direct.
I told him if I had wanted a drink,
I would have ordered one myself.

When he went out back for a smoke,
I quickly paid for my meal
and snuck out to my car
so he wouldn't see me leave.

Haven't been back to a bar since.

Personally I'm not a fan of bars and pubs or the bar culture. It's okay as a place to have a pre-arranged meet-up with a friend you already have, or for a celebration of the type someone mentioned.

But as a place to go and hang out in hopes of making new friends and meeting potential soulmates -- I dunno. People DO find that happening in bars but I think it's only suitable if you are "a bar kinda person" to begin with. Because the people you make friends with will have that in common with you.

But if you're not....

As kraftie says, how about museums and galleries?

This is just me, but those are my kind of places. I'd far rather meet someone new to make friends with, in a gallery or museum, because those are my interests anyway, and the person I make a new friend of in such a place is far more likely to have more in common with me.

Try to think of what interests you, what your hobbies or favorite things are, then find the correlating physical place in which others who like what you like are going to be found gathering. That will be the best environment to get to for meeting like minds.

Always remember that the place in which a new friendship might happen should optimally be place where that activity or "culture" is what you genuinely like. Because the people you meet won't have anything in common with you if it's not.