I feel a lot of similar things. I guess that it's Schopenhauer's Hedgehog Dilemma.
Quote:
A number of porcupines huddled together for warmth on a cold day in winter; but, as they began to prick one another with their quills, they were obliged to disperse. However the cold drove them together again, when just the same thing happened. At last, after many turns of huddling and dispersing, they discovered that they would be best off by remaining at a little distance from one another. In the same way the need of society drives the human porcupines together, only to be mutually repelled by the many prickly and disagreeable qualities of their nature. The moderate distance which they at last discover to be the only tolerable condition of intercourse, is the code of politeness and fine manners; and those who transgress it are roughly told—in the English phrase—to keep their distance. By this arrangement the mutual need of warmth is only very moderately satisfied; but then people do not get pricked. A man who has some heat in himself prefers to remain outside, where he will neither prick other people nor get pricked himself.
By no means am I telling you to cut ties, but in the end, that's what I've had to do. When faced with past mistakes, it's easy to gloss over the mistakes others have made. I'm also not saying to get into a blame cycle, but to recognize that people are people, and that sometimes we are incompatible in spite of our best intentions. Sometimes we need to know when to let go. If you're able to work with others without causing too much distress to yourself or them, then go for it. I suppose it takes a whole lot of self-honesty and introspection either way.
I like dryope's journaling idea and I may actually try it myself. In some ways, responding to posts like these is also therapeutic. Best of luck in finding your way, just remember to be as kind to yourself as you would like to be toward others.
03 May 2015, 1:04 am
