Why do you actually WANT to socialise with others ?

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I hadn't really paid much attention to it before, but I am finding that there are a number of posts around, from people who are either looking for friends or companionship or wanting relationships, etc., etc., like somehow they actually want to be around people. I don't particularly like to inter-act with people (not in-person in most cases anyway), not so much due to an autistic-inability, but more so because of a lack-of-interest. I find it pestersome for someone or anybody to want me to give them attention when I'm already busy with other activities of my own. I keep myself busy, I find things to learn & study & read & play all the time, and I do not feel the need to want to be around others.

I suppose I could be regarded as a "shut-in" in many ways but that has more to do with how society in America has become a f*****g extortionist police-state than it does to do with any other reason. Sure, I might be wasting a bit too much time on some computer-games, and some of them do take up a lot of time, but I can probably free up some time without letting all of the progress go to waste by selling the extra accounts. The truth-seeking documentaries that I watch also take up a lot of time, and as does following certain animé-series sometimes, and I find myself having a greater-interest in researching what makes the world & people in it tick rather than anything to do with socialising.

Most people I DON'T want to be around.

Most people I dislike or hate or find annoying or obnoxious and cannot stand to even sit in the same room as.

This doesn't mean that I don't want friends and doesn't mean that I'm not so g0ddamn f*cking lonely it's not even funny.

I still care about and desire social interaction.

I feel like I'm actually LOSING all my current friends. My best friend is almost never online anymore (we live in different cities but sometimes meet up) my two other friends are NEVER online anymore, my 4th friend is too busy to hang out with anyone, my 5th friend isn't even my friend anymore because he probably left the school I go to.

Even my acquaintances are slowly going away one of them almost never shows up anymore at the spot I hang out, the other one is becoming poorly behaved and anti-social he rarely shows up anymore either.

I feel like I'm losing everyone in my life and everyone important to me aside from my family.

I WANT friends so badly, I desperately do.

And I AM GOOD at making friends.

My problem is WHO.

WHO can I make friends with because I don't want to be friends with any specific people I can't stand most people and even the few I can there's no chance I could be friends with them, there is no one no one at all that I can be friends with that I actually like as a person and want to be friends with them and they can feel the same way back...

Everyone p*sses me off.

The problem is in the past I would just be friends with ANYONE but I ended up getting bad friendships or friendships where the other person only used me and abused me so now I am VERY careful about who i be friends with and VERY picky I have high standards now but that's not a bad thing because it means only the best people will be the ones I end up being friends with but NO ONE meets my bloody standards and it kills me inside....

I just want a gf.
training in socializing and getting a good job etc. would be solely for that purpose..
I dont want a social circle or to be an extroverted party goer etc..
things get pretty.. lonely on your own.
solo activities dont really interest or fulfill me anymore.

Well I just can't be alone 24/7. Being alone most of the time can be pretty boring. I'm usually alone when I studying intensively for classes because I can't afford to be distracted by anything or anyone while studying.

I sing in 2 different choirs. Ya gotta make nice-nice with the other members of your section if you're gonna have any kind of success. Ditto with playing in a concert band, wind ensemble, or an orchestra.

Without friends you miss a lot of occasions.

For example I would go to a swimming pool or to a trip sometimes but I don't have anyone to go with me so I have choice - go alone (and deal with the preparations and unknown alone) or just stay home and do what I do everyday, sink even more in my restricted life. It doesn't bother me much because I like my daily routine but I know it isn't healthy and it doesn't help me deal with my sensory issues (I get even more sensitive when I don't get exposed to different sensory inputs for a long time).

Friends will also tell you what interesting is going on around. For example I know about really fun, yearly event Industriada (you visit old factories and attend in trainings for free) only because my old, high school friend told me about it. We go there together every year. I wouldn't be brave enough to go alone because you need to figure out a lot of things there: where to go, what bus to take, how to sign in etc. Its much easier when you got someone with you.

Besides - doing stuff with friends is just fun. For example when you swim you can make small contests about who swims faster or who holds breath longer. And when you are on a trip you have additional pair of eyes to detect fun stuffs/places and show them to you.

Having someone to talk with is also a good way to kill boredom for example while waiting on bus stop.

The only bad thing that comes with interacting with friends is the amount of energy it takes. I am getting into shutdown state if the interaction takes too long.

Why WOULDN'T you want a friend?

I've been alone for years. It did me no good in all areas.

I'm still not a social butterfly. But I like to talk to others every now and then. It makes me happy.

Sometimes, an NT-type will fill the bill; other times, people who are more Spectrumly satisfy me.

I have a very supportive husband who really is my best friend, but I stay at home with our 3 kids under the age of 5, and it gets lonely and boring and stressful when he's at work all day. I have no friends and no family. I have some acquaintances but I don't know how to socialize very well so I just embarrass myself and think I'm a weirdo to them and slump down further into solitude. I'd love to have 1 or 2 best friends, just to have someone willing to understand me, or be able to go out to stores with me and do the talking for me (because I hate doing those things). I try to be super understanding and open minded when it comes to my attempt to make friends in hopes that they'll return the same, but they never do. Usually I'm like Outrider though..I dislike most people.

I like most people in small doses. I can do the small-talk thing for a little while, even though I hate it. However, there are very very few people I feel a "chemistry" with that would make me want to be friends.

Sometimes, I am willing to try doing an activity with someone to test out a possible friendship, in case I missed the sense of "chemistry" initially. Usually, these things never go anywhere. Either we get together a few times and it peters out, or we never get together in the first place. Other times, I feel like I want to get to know someone, but that person for some reason does not want to get to know me. I've had extremely few close friends throughout my life.

I am married, and my husband is my best friend. But sometimes I need another outlet. My whole family works and schools at home, and I just need to see SOMEONE ELSE for a while, to get a break from them.

I have always desired more social interaction than I've had, but not just any social interaction. The social interaction I crave is real, deep discussion whether it be about personal topics or a shared interest. I hate surface-y conversation. That seems like such a waste of time to me.

Why do I want friends? I don't know. Why is it so hard to find people I connect with? I don't know. A lot of times I wish I had less desire for friends. Then I wouldn't have a struggle with making friends, and I wouldn't be disappointed by my lack of friends.

Friends are very important, though. They are good for health. They are people who will encourage you to try things and move beyond yourself. They help when you have trouble. No one can survive as an island for their whole life. At some point, everyone will face huge a huge difficulty. I wouldn't want to be alone when that happens.

wanting friends doesn't have to mean you want to be friends with EVERYONE. i really don't like most people and have absolutely no interest in getting to know them or being friends. (I do try to be KIND and helpful, though, seeing as most people are pretty dumb and could use some help.)

i can get by totally fine on my own and have plenty of interest in all sorts of activities, and sometimes i FORGET that i like having friends when all i am surrounded by is people who annoy me.

occasionally, i'll meet someone clever, interesting, intelligent, with similar interests and valid opinions, someone who is quick witted and eager to get into a debate as well as look at me and roll their eyes at something dumb said by someone else. it makes me feel supported and less far away from everything, like the screen has been lifted or the fog blown away. this is the type of person that sparks me to want to be friends. sometimes its hard because i have had little "practice" recently, and i may screw it up or have difficulty. then i start looking for OTHER friends and remember how most people are dumb and not worth the effort. once i get discouraged, i start to give up TRYING to make friends and it becomes very easy to miss the "good" people right in front of me. then eventually, the whole thing starts over. kind of a vicious cycle.

I do have a few good friends whom i have managed to keep, but our lives are on different paths and distance makes it hard to keep in touch. getting to see or talk to those friends also reminds me of how enjoyable interaction can be, but its exhausting to "find" the good people and make the relationships happen. it's really just a matter of being aware of the people around me and looking for the positive parts of people, and also keeping in touch with old friends to remind me that interaction is valuable. basically, just keeping in tune with life and not getting sucked away into my own planet. my planet is nice, but it is lonely.

Validation. Being a complete stranger makes you a target, suspicious, or unwanted in many places. It also fulfills the need for belonging, too, when involved and validated enough. And when validated enough, sometimes, people initially come to you instead.

Companionship comes later after enough validation. This part is where I'll be very careful with as is involves some degree of trust.

So far, I'm satisfied. I have just enough validation all around, but never enough for a trusty companion or a friend.

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Heh, it's kind of funny, if I were to look at my life for evidence of the positives that close relationships can bring, I would largely have nothing. I've really only had two close friends in the 33 years I've been alive, and both of them were abusive with physical violence being a pretty frequent theme. The one who I knew for the longer of the two we had known each other for about fifteen years and while the particularly damaging part of our relationship had dissipated over the last 5 years or so, I still feel like I lose my identity and sense of agency when I'm around him. Maybe it's our past. Maybe it's the fact he has a pretty loud personality and I'm quite the opposite. Maybe it's because he habit of asking me "how I feel" which has to be one of the most annoying questions ever.

I'm in kind of weird position at the moment. I have a handful of friends I hang out with almost as often (sometimes more) as I'd like. However, none of these people would I consider close friends. Even though I've known my current group of friends for +/- 5 years, I would still say I keep them at arms length. I don't really confide in them that much nor do they confide in me much either. Given my past, I suppose I'm kind of glad for that.

My parents are the only two people I really feel comfortable talking about the stupid s**t that goes through my head, well, and I guess my therapist, although to a lesser extent. I suppose the main difference between my parents and anyone else to whom I've attempted to confide is that I've never felt judged by my parents.

All that being said, I would say it's also VERY true all of my very best life experiences have happened with other people. I kind of need alcohol or some other distraction to get out of my head, but I do have fun once I do. One of our newer co-workers threw a little get together for our team at work (who also mostly happen to be friends I knew before I got the job) last weekend ant it was pretty fun. Pretty much all of the guys there were IT (except the new guy's brother who is premed and my friend's GF who is basically a secretary for a local car shop) so most of the topics were stuff I felt comfortable talking about: science (LOTS of science), computers, politics, religion and office politics. I was seriously thinking of making up some excuse to not go by the time the time for the party came, but I ended up having fun regardless.

During my youth I socialised to fit in but only in a school setting, I never had friends outside of school other than being forced to be nice to the children of my parents' friends. I wanted to avoid being different and getting bullied so I made a few connections and then when school ended I cut contact.

Once I left school and began to work, I realised that having temporary work meant I wouldn't be forced to interact too much with people and there was less pressure to make friends.

I knew I wanted to have kids and get married so I had to force myself to 'date' which was a disaster for the most part. I eventually happened across my now husband 13 years ago and latched on to him with both hands. I knew he was probably my only hope at having a family and finding someone who could deal with me and not run away screaming.

I have zero interest in making friends in real life, I sometimes chat online with people periodically but I get bored easily and drift away or they say something I take exception to and I'm too irritated to carry on engaging. I don't miss friends. My husband and children give me all the socialising I can handle and I am happy with that. I have only ever met a handful of people in my life I would consider to be pleasant or genuinely nice people, the rest I merely tolerated. The human race on a whole is vile. Since I was a child I used to say I felt that I was an alien accidentally left behind on this dumb planet.

When I first met my husband he had been a lot more social than me but over time I realised that he was masking like a pro and that really he was more than happy staying at home with me. He has people he talks to casually - neighbours or benign conversations at the local supermarket with employees etc but he doesn't go out socially with anyone other than me anymore, only occasional phone conversations. We are very co-dependent and have always spent all our time together.