THINGS NT'S DO THAT JUST DON'T MAKE SENSE!

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Goshdangit! you are so nice!

seriously, dude....much respect to you!

you are a good man!

by far one of the kindest and most positive users on this site!

i have thought this for quite a while

Thanks, Kortie.

I wish my sons thought so. They still haven't forgiven me for having a 2nd husband.

The thing about making jokes is that NT's don't seem to get that my jokes are jokes, because my sense of humor tends to be rather dry and snarky, almost bitter sometimes. And people tend to take me seriously when I kid, too, and I do the same. I take it as serious criticism when people kid around with me and get all MeMum and NT hubby says I take myself too seriously, and they're probably right. Only my children get my sense of humor, and even they are sometimes hurt by it instead of amused.

This explains why so much of my problem-solving goes so horribly wrong with my mother. If I ask her a logical question when we're both mad, she'll accuse me of playing mind games. It's highly bizarre. But I guess it's a miscommunication.

Maybe, when you ask a "logical" question, present it in such a way that it doesn't make the other person seem dumb. Don't assume that the person shares your logic; the person could have a different logic. Many times, though, people with different logics come to the same conclusion.

I make that mistake all the time. Too often, I make the other person feel dumb when I make inquiries, or when I want to make a point.

People don't want to be made fools of. I certainly don't.

I was taught sort of the hard way to accept as normal conversations in which the other person is all the time repeating all kinds of obvious things to me, making examples which always involve ascribing me some manifestly stupid point of view, and wasting a lot of time with it---possibly blaming me for the waste of time to boot.

When I talk to other people, it's very frustrating to see they don't feel by any means a duty to be remotely as patient, and this reinforces my status as a pariah before them. I easily offend them for much less than I'm used to think I have to tolerate.

I generally don't try to reason with NTs when I'm doing something with them. It seems to be the best policy to go ahead and do what I know needs to be done in the fashion I feel it should be done. This does irk the " there is a right way, the wrong way, and the conventional way" crowd, but most people seem to accept the fact that sometimes unconventional people get it done.

This. Also the tendency to assume that you are trying to imply something, Like if I make an observation NT's seem to think that I'm trying to hint that they do something.

As for making people feel stupid--they don't seem to mind making me feel stupid when I miss their subtle nonverbal social cues. I don't want to make them feel stupid, but sometimes it's a knee-jerk revenge thing for the last time they humiliated me. Especially when it's the people who know I'm socially awkward--whether they know the cause of it or not, pretty much everyone who's known me for more than five days knows I'm socially awkward.

It is not nice to assume that someone is not doing something because it's difficult and they don't feel like making the effort, when the real reason they don't do it may be that they are not capable of doing it. Do you disrespect a person with advanced ALS because s/he takes the wheelchair ramp rather than the stairs? It's not because the ramp is easier, it's because the stairs are impossible. Do you disrespect a person with Parkinson's because their tremors prevent them from threading a needle and mending their own clothes? No?

Then why would you dump on an autistic person for getting lost and frustrated at a noisy social event where s/he can't follow the conversations due to the overstimulation of the noise and the lights and the people people people people oh my goodness there are a lot of people and they all have feelings feelings feelings feelings and I can't cope with all their feelings and their noise and their words and I can't process your words fast enough to craft an intelligent response before someone else has decided to talk over me, I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. I'm tired. Can we go home soon?

Why is it so hard to understand the difference between "it's hard and I don't feel like expending the effort," and it's too hard because of my disability, I literally can't" do what they think is natural and normal in such situations?

Do they understand the difference between "everyone has issues" and "I have a disability?"

SOME (not all) NTs yell at other NTs for doing something wrong, as if yelling is going to "make somebody know something" faster. They have this weird concept of tough love, and "scaring someone straight" and they have this whole "if you act like ____ you'll be treated like ____" as if shaming them will make a problem go away. Which makes me wonder, do all NTs learn better when they're yelled at or shamed? Cause I certainly don't. :/ I don't think I've ever learned and retained anything of substance from yelling, other than people who yell are huge A-holes and to stay away from them.

I wonder if they do it because they think yelling will make you perform better, or precisely because it'll make you more clumsy so they'll soon have yet another reason to yell at you

Also, when there's some kind of technical difficulty to fulfill their wishes, forget about reasoning with them: they'll just escalate the yelling and the threats. They solve all problems by showing their status and power, in case you haven't yet gotten the message about why you'd better please them.

lol

No matter who's in the right or wrong, shouting just rubs me the wrong way.
Then the shouting escalates and they talk rapidly but in the end no one convinces the other.
Then they calm down and -finally- means what they say. Why couldn't they have done that in the beginning?

I don't understand how you can speak properly when you're overloaded with so much emotion. For me, I'd need a calm environment with few people. I actually hyperventilated and choked when I gave a presentation on my dissertation, because so many people were watching me and the professor was asking a difficult question. The more agitated I got, the less intelligible I was, and it came out like word salad. Then a gurgle as I managed to hold onto the side walls (vision was flashing, low oxygen) and get back to my seat. I still don't remember what happened entirely that day.

some drunk guy yesterday seemed to want to walk with me rather than take mcdonalds home for his gf and her mates.

I think he walked about twenty minutes in the wrong direction and we barely spoke the whole time so it's not like it was for the banter.

honestly makes no sense to me at all.


He was telling me about how ambitious he was, and how much money he earned at first, then I just came out with I'm autistic and have no ambition lol.

then started going on about how we can be friends and go to the pub it doesn't matter if I don't speak etc.


I think he was planning to find me on facebook but I'm pretty sure he was to drunk to remember my name anyway.

whole thing seemed bizarre

But, as long as an actual physical fight doesn't break out, people usually assume the one who yells the most is in the right, don't they? I think the reasoning is they couldn't be so loud and so firm in their conviction of being right if they actually weren't. Only if their opponent proves somehow to be more powerful---e.g., beating them up---will their yelling be considered unjustified and therefore a fault in and of itself. If you kick your opponent's ass, then obviously you're right, as there's no way you could have the strength and the undoubting remorselessness to do it if you weren't.

My wife complains about stuff like this all the time. To me it's an example of someone objectifying a woman and being obsessed with sex over everything else. Whatever he was saying to you was probably some clumsy attempt at having sex with you, whether it be by getting you drunk or whatever else. My wife told me that one time a guy, while waiting for his wife and daughter to exit the bathroom, tried to get her phone number.

A strange drunk man following a woman in public should set off some alarms for you. In your position I would consider this man a potential danger and avoid putting myself in any position where he would be able to rape me. For example, if it is late at night, I would try to stay in brightly lit and public places. Maybe even go to a store and stay there until he leaves, or possibly call the police and ask them to escort you home. I would definitely not let him buy me a drink at the bar. I think you were spot-on in identifying this as odd behavior. But I think I would go a step further and consider it odd, antisocial and potentially malicious behavior and then act appropriately cautious around this individual.

Obviously this specific man did not actually try to rape you, which is good, but I think it's better to be cautious in that sort of situation.

Not all men are like this, but a surprisingly large number of men seem to believe that when they see a woman who they are attracted to, then they are entitled to harass them and even follow them regardless of the situation.

That kind of behavior strikes me as being the usual NT domination game. So many of them are so obsessed with their status that they can act in an irrational manner when every blessed thing doesn't go their way. Right or wrong doesn't factor in.

I really, really, try not to respond to yelling. I want it expunged from my life.