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DeepHour
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08 Jul 2015, 11:20 am

People in the past have often said or implied that I'm too quiet. Words like 'reserved' , 'remote' or 'detached' have sometimes been used. I've also been told once or twice, that I seem to be conducting some sort of 'assessment' of another person, when it's just been myself and that person together.

One woman told me she felt like an insect in a glass case. A padded cell would have been more appropriate in her case....... :wink:



undergrounddistrict
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08 Jul 2015, 11:29 am

A lot of people comment that I'm quiet, but I just say that it's part of my personality. But once one of my family friends who is a psychologist guessed that something was up because later I was told that she thought I seemed detached from what was happening around me.


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PassingThrough
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08 Jul 2015, 10:42 pm

I've been told that I'm too quiet. It was usually more of a concerned comment, like, "you're awfully quiet, are you okay?" I do, however, remember a family chat in which my aunt suddenly turned to me and said (almost announced) that I was too quiet and needed to talk more. I just shrugged and said I'd speak when I had something to say. She dropped it, so it seemed my attempt to save face was a success. Another time, my great uncle thought I wasn't enjoying his party because I wasn't animated enough. I told him I had a good time but am just a reserved person, and he waived me away as if my explanation didn't satisfy him. That one wasn't in front of the family like my aunt's comment was, but it stung more because of how he blew me off.

I work on my conversational skills, but don't push myself very much with extroverted small talk. I sprinkle in a comment, if only a "yep" to agree with another person's comment, and leave it at that.



DailyPoutine1
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08 Jul 2015, 10:43 pm

I'm quiet because I don't want to be forced talk with boring people.



FullMetalAspie
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11 Jul 2015, 3:54 pm

dianthus wrote:
I have heard it throughout my life, more often when I was growing up and less often as I get older. And not just that I'm verbally quiet, but physically quiet...I mean often I surprise people because they didn't hear me walking up or moving around, or they forget that I'm there.

I can also turn into a chatterbox sometimes, and just go on and on, similar to how Anne of Green Gables would just prattle on in a monologue.

Yea I can understand the physically quiet thing. People don't hear me walking up or know I'm there so they are genuinely scared or shocked when they turn around and see me.



Anachron
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11 Jul 2015, 4:02 pm

FullMetalAspie wrote:
People don't hear me walking up or know I'm there so they are genuinely scared or shocked when they turn around and see me.


Yes, I have had roomates tell me that I should wear a bell around my neck.
I think I've scared the living crap out of every one I have ever lived with.



iliketrees
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11 Jul 2015, 4:05 pm

Anachron wrote:
FullMetalAspie wrote:
People don't hear me walking up or know I'm there so they are genuinely scared or shocked when they turn around and see me.


Yes, I have had roomates tell me that I should wear a bell around my neck.
I think I've scared the living crap out of every one I have ever lived with.

This is a daily thing with my mum. I don't even intend it but I do seem to sneak up on people because I tread very lightly.



VegetableMan
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11 Jul 2015, 4:10 pm

Here's what you say if someone tells you you're too quiet:

"OH, I'M SORRY! HOW'S THIS? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? BETTER!! !???


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DailyPoutine1
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11 Jul 2015, 4:11 pm

FullMetalAspie wrote:
People don't hear me walking up or know I'm there so they are genuinely scared or shocked when they turn around and see me.

Haha same! People think say I vanish without their acknowledgment and I "suddendly appear" behind them xD



iliketrees
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11 Jul 2015, 4:11 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
Here's what you say if someone tells you you're too quiet:

"OH, I'M SORRY! HOW'S THIS? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? BETTER!! !???

I'm not sure I even can shout though. :oops:



dianthus
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11 Jul 2015, 6:12 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
Here's what you say if someone tells you you're too quiet:

"OH, I'M SORRY! HOW'S THIS? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? BETTER!! !???


LOL, good one, I'll try that sometime.



Malaise
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13 Jul 2015, 10:29 am

I've always had a problem with a quiet voice. It's not so bad in most settings, but if I'm in a noisy restaurant and trying to order I feel like I have to yell to be heard. The volume just doesn't turn up.

"You're too quiet" sounds like an annoying variation of, "You should smile more." I don't get comments on it, thankfully.



FullMetalAspie
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13 Jul 2015, 6:27 pm

Malaise wrote:
I've always had a problem with a quiet voice. It's not so bad in most settings, but if I'm in a noisy restaurant and trying to order I feel like I have to yell to be heard. The volume just doesn't turn up.

"You're too quiet" sounds like an annoying variation of, "You should smile more." I don't get comments on it, thankfully.

Yea I have gotten the "you should smile more" all my life. (actually just last week I got it)
Even when I was my most happy and was out with my friends I have gotten it.
I give up, I guess by their logic if your not overly happy or talkative there is something wrong with you.



djs7p
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25 Jul 2015, 5:02 pm

People say it to me all the time. I'm quite happy being in my own little world, free from other people.



JaxTeller
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14 Aug 2015, 2:03 pm

Same thing for me, I kinda hate it when some people snarkily tell me "Hey you still with us?" (I tend to phase out and go in my bubble), I like being left in peace, in my world like djs7p said. I believe that if I have nothing to contribute or anything, I just won't say anything. So, most of the time, everyone around him whether in social events or family reunions is talking and talking, and I'm there in presence, but really, I'm far gone, I tend to look at a spot somewhere, and then fixate that spot for a long time and everything around me just kind of disappears or melts away, it's pretty soothing.

I tend to do that because I hate those kinds of situations, so I just tune out. I had that two days ago with my SO in town, she knows I hate going there because of the crowds, the people, I love being with her when it's just the two of us, but when it's her, other friends, they start talking, and I kind of "lose" her in a way (if that makes any sense), then the discussion is not interesting to me, and I don't say anything. Or I snap out of it for a second to acknowledge something that's been said to me, I have this delay, then answer and go back to my little bubble.

Hell, for a while, I tend to give monosyllabic answers when spoken to, like "Yes", "No" :D



EmileMulder
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15 Aug 2015, 12:38 am

selin wrote:
When I was a child I don't remember being told I was quiet. I think I was probably more outspoken then. I became quiet with age. sometimes at parties a close friend with tell me I'm
Being awkward or will ask me why I'm not talking to anyone. It goes beyond being merely socially anxious and has more to do with an issue inserting myself into group conversations or participating in small talk or what people in the UK call "banter". I'm quiet when topics are outside my narrow range of interests but feel rather fluent in my speech when people discuss my interests. In group concersations I need someone to look at me or try to include me in order for me to contribute, but if people are just exchanging banter there isn't much I can say


I have a limited amount of stamina for socializing at parties myself. When it's very loud (like bars with loud music), it takes so much effort to listen to people that I'll tune out occasionally. One thing that I think helps is that when I do tune out I'm completely relaxed. If you can be comfortable in a crowded place, just sitting and staring into space then it doesn't really look awkward. It only looks awkward if you've got a sense of nervous energy, or if you look like you're wanting to do something and holding back. My suggestion is if you want to talk to a group of people, just go and talk to them - say something stupid as your intro line like "Is this where all the cool people are?" If you don't want to talk to people, do that confidently. Sit there blissfully silent and relaxed. Sometimes others will join you, they'll ask what are you doing, you say, "just relaxing, I'm talked out for a bit." Maybe you could even sit silently together. What makes any of these strategies work is confidence. If you have confidence, you can get away with a lot at parties. Maybe you can fake it until you make it?