Where / why did you meet?
For those of you able to maintain friendships, where and in what circumstances did you meet your friends? Was there any particular reason you bonded with these people (such as support groups or unusual circumstances) that made it easier than beginning friendships with the general population? What sorts of things do you do and how do you keep the ball rolling?
I have recently encountered some people who became acquaintances, whom I would meet up with under very specific circumstances, who may be becoming friends (as in meeting up with outside those circumstances) and as I haven't had any friends in several years, I'm a bit unsure as to how this is done. Some of these people I have been thrown together with for some sometimes intense reasons and I think that may be part of why I am able to even form acquaintances. But friends? I'm unqualified.
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BigSnoopy126
Snowy Owl
Joined: 13 Feb 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 172
Location: 5 miles north of 5 miles south of me
One close one I met in grade school througha mutual friend, we still e-mail & are on Facebook following each other's exploits & he and his adopted kids stopped to see me this summer when they were in town. (He could tell I didn't recognize him at first, not having seen him in town for years, when he came to the door & said who he was. He has always been the kind of nice, caring person I've needed as a friend. Our mutual friend was, too, till he went sideways in his 20s, perhaps partly due to being robbed and some PTSD)
He is one of several friends from school I still keep in touch with. There, it just sort of happens, you meet kids who have the same interests and you just sort of hang out. As a kid said once, ina quote I read I think online, "I don't know how you become friends, it just sort of happens."
Another very close friend from college introduced himself during First-Year oreintation. I'd actually bungled it a bit the first time in one of those orientation classes by saying his question was "really dumb," but he gave me another chance and we laugh about that now. He figured it was just Freshman jitters and that everyone had them at that point. I'm not nearly that blunt anymore, haven't been since college, in fact.
But, the point is, the really nice people, I've found, will make an effort to know you, and the ones who don't, you might be better off not knowing.
So, this friend and I talk on the phone a few times a month, and I've been down to visit him several times.
Anyway, my closest friends now are in church, and are the remnants of the rather large Singles class we had when I started going there. One of the guys especially is very outgoing and planned a lot of our activities. he and a few others introduced themselves to me right away when i got there, and the silliness and laughter was just like when I was a kid having fun with the few kids I hung out with regularly, fromt he moment we met. I could talk to them and be silly and we enjoy doing stuff together.
I think there's something in me that tells people I'm really gentle and docile and need someone to take the lead and be that kind, friendly, compassionate person - and I have found a few cases where when I tried on my own I was just not as able to determine who would be like that. (Or figure out that above person was going sideways in our 20s.)
So, for an Aspie (and I'm borderline betweent hat and just PDD-NOS, as I'm about a 30 on the AQ test), my thought is that we can't necesasrily pick out the people who will be good friends very efficiently, but such people will coem to you if they're around. An NT like the college friend can easily say something like what he said, askign if I wanted to come up and see his computer (he was one of few with one when we got to college, just before the mass proliferation of them), and it's just a little easier for them. I would invite friends over in highs chool for piza, etc., but generally just because I was copying how I'd seen them do it.Same with having some of the guys over for a game night or recently hosting Packer games last season becasue my friend was too sick from his cancer treatments. (He is cancer free now, yay! I know, not reall connected, but I had to sahre that I'm so excited for him.)
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
I've met friends different places. Some I met at school, some I met at work years ago, some I met through hanging out with other friends, some I've mt on Facebook. It all depends. I'm pretty outgoing and friendly so I do good with that.
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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,620
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
I met one in school but we haven't talked in 10 years now. The friend I still have I met at work.
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