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galois
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 10 Jan 2016
Age: 29
Posts: 12

10 Jan 2016, 3:21 am

For context, my only close friends are a small group of people I hung out with in high school. After we all went to university in different parts of the country we kept in contact with each other pretty much exclusively with an online group chat. The chat is very active.

Because of my stubbornness and inadvertent disregard for their opinions/feelings, they kicked me out of the group sometime during the previous semester--for instance, I told my one friend that I was an aspie and he later said that's why I was such a nuisance online. Strangely after this affair, during winter break we all hung out.

Do you think that the act of kicking me out of the group is a way to distance themselves from me as a friend? I am afraid that they will no longer be my friends in the near future. This is very concerning to me because I don't really have any other close friends, as I stated previously. What is the best way that I could reconcile this situation?


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 169 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

10 Jan 2016, 3:31 am

Apologize to each individual member of the group.

Do not ask if you can re-join the online group, but if you have other ways to contact them (e.g. phone, facebook, etc.) maintain contact with them this way.

If they don't return the effort, they're not interested anymore.

I'm sorry this had to happen. It's happened to me before where my...let's say, 'outspoken' attitude can get me judged online.

Thing is, I don't behave any differently online than in real-life. I'm not more aggressive online or anything like a coward, I'd be just as aggressive or forward in real-life.

Good friends of mine know this. Acquaintances usually don't.



galois
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 10 Jan 2016
Age: 29
Posts: 12

10 Jan 2016, 3:44 am

Outrider wrote:
Apologize to each individual member of the group.

Do not ask if you can re-join the online group, but if you have other ways to contact them (e.g. phone, facebook, etc.) maintain contact with them this way.

If they don't return the effort, they're not interested anymore.

I'm sorry this had to happen. It's happened to me before where my...let's say, 'outspoken' attitude can get me judged online.

Thing is, I don't behave any differently online than in real-life. I'm not more aggressive online or anything like a coward, I'd be just as aggressive or forward in real-life.

Good friends of mine know this. Acquaintances usually don't.


Thanks for your suggestions.

Your experiences seem very similar to mine. I am very outspoken, and so is one of my friends; however, I am often of the minority opinion. To make matters worse, because of my social ineptitude, I am not very convincing and my written messages seem to come off as angry. I act no different online than in person, yet somehow online conversations seem to lead hostility more often. I've tried to apologize to my friends for my general insensitivity, but never for my actual words. I feel like that would be insincere.

I have tried to maintain contact with most of them one-to-one, but I feel like it is a half-assed attempt to remain friends with all of them.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 169 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


MissKnapsak
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 10 Jan 2016
Age: 40
Posts: 17

10 Jan 2016, 4:15 pm

I think you should apologize to each friend, individually, for the exact thing you did that preceded getting kicked out of the FB group. Try to keep in touch, you've known them for ages and if your actions were a one-off it's very likely they'll forgive you and everything will return to normal.

If it wasn't a one-off, if they'd individually or as a group kindly spoken to you about this sort of behavior and you've just gone and done it again... well, there may be too much water under the bridge for it to be fixable.