Letting The Real Me Be Seen

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It seems I can't really be myself with others. I feel like I'm masking my personlity. I wish people would see me as I see me. While I'm not outgoing and I have an offbeat sense of humor, it would be nice to be accepted for those things. I don't always desire socializing but a few friends would be nice.

I would like to meet people and hold a decent conversation. How do I let my personality show without being disliked instantly? That's usually people's reactions.

I might not be of help but I'll try my best :3

I think that it just really depends on the person you're talking to? Whether it's a stranger or a distant acquaintance, try acting normal first, and drop subtle hints about yourself?

See how the person reacts, if he/she is can at least try to understand or not?

The thing is, I'm facing the same problem. ;~;

Generally, I'm quite possessive in nature, even more so when I have a relation with someone. So I told my Friend that and she completely passed it off as a joke T - T

Honestly, I still think the best way is to be serious, straight-forward (try being not so obvious if u can't), but passive. Stay neutral and observe the person's reaction, then act accordingly.

You have to tell me your personality though, whether you're soft-spoken, awkward, stubborn, etc etc.

Anyways, good luck. :'D

I hate to say this, because it's tedius, but maybe cast a wider net? I kind of have a quirky personality myself and I don't have many personal friends. I probably have two people that I regularly talk to and then maybe a few others that I occasionally talk to.

It's difficult to let your defenses down and be "real" with people, because you can end up letting people dislike you, but that's really the only way to find those few people that you'll click with. The few people that I am completely relaxed around are all people who I met as random strangers when we weren't trying to be polite to each other.

I guess I would put myself in "passive" mode as well.

If something interests you, provide input.

If something doesn't interest you, just seem like you're listening.

People really don't like it, I've noticed, if it seems as if you're not listening.

What are your interests? Also you could join an aspie support group because you can meet people that way.

@ SocofAutism: I like what you said about casting a wider net. I may take that advice to heart. I haven't been able to make friends or socialize outside of my social circle for some time. Even Facebook doesn't offer much help in the socializing department.

@KraftieKortie: I may just start listening. I'm horrible with conversation and often feel a need to reply to show that I can be engaging. Do I have to listen to everyone, though? Lol. Some people say things I disagree with and I can also correct them if they say something false or just flat out wrong.

@Summer_Twilight: The list goes on. I'm a huge dreamer and like a lot of different things. I collect books and like to read. I love Pinterest. Doctor Who. The list goes on. (And yes, I do watch My Little Pony. Something my sister laughs at me about. But truly started watching b/c my niece and for nostalgic reasons. I watched it when I was a kid! So how cool that they have an update version???) But I like most TV. I like to talk about TV and movies and random facts concerning them.

I haven't been diagnosed so I don't know if I could possibly attend a meet up here. I'd feel like a fraud. I know I do relate to others who I eventually find out are Aspies, but I don't know.

Thanks for the excellent advice and responses.

I have found that it helps when you have a special interest group to engage in because that's where you can be yourself. I most recently joined a great brony meet up that's nice and small. Meanwhile, I am getting involved in trying D&D since I like math and fantasy. Finally, the astronomy club.

There is no "real me".

Just whatever I am at the time.

I think that if you stick it out a bit, and above all remain positive about yourself, people will give in and see your beauty. The trick is, when they act all uncomfortable around your quirkiness, you just act like you accept yourself and are too happy to care (better, of course, if this is actually true). They won't be able to hate you for long.

Agree 100% You'll do great

I struggle with this myself. As someone who is a Christian, votes (moderate/centrist) Republican, but likes animated comedies and indie stuff (but not rejecting the mainstream either), it's difficult to find friends/relationships.

Well I can more relate than advise, as I've been going thru this ALOT lately as the last of my post-HS social circle has ventured on in various directions in their adulthood.

It can be very hard to strike a balance between being yourself and not being too much for people to handle. I have this problem as I can be, and usually am, a very intense person. Even in my interests. So even when I find people who like what I like, my enthusiasm and detail on the subject is usually too much for them to handle, I get discouraged, then one of us gets disinterested.

On the one hand, being yourself unfiltered helps ensure anyone who actually gets through, is a "keeper". If they are ok with everything you are, they are a good match for friendship. But the probability of finding this in casual social contact is excruciatingly small.

Being too much what you think others want could do one of two bad things as I see it. Either A) you come off as very fake and people have no idea what to make of you or B) they'll like the fake you, at which point you'll have the burden of maintaining that illusion or risk maybe losing a friend.

I haven't had much success, haven't really tried much either. But when I do interact with strangers I try to be myself unfiltered in most things, but put a cap on my humor (which can be quite inappropriate, very disjointed and almost always raunchy in some way), watch my language, and stay off of hot button topics. s**t I stay off of anything serious. If that still repels people, then there was no chance to have been friends in anyway that would be fulfilling to me.

My useless two cents here. I suck at it too.

Not useless, BeakyBird. That's kinda where I am. I am intense and people...don't like or understand that. I try to tone it down, but when do I get to be me? I even work hard to try an accept the personality of others. I feel disappointed when I don't receive the same courtesy.

@Tim_Tex, I'm from Houston, too. Try a meet up for people who share your interests. That's if you aren't too shy for that.

@MoonageDaydreamer, I'll try that out! I don't care what people think but I just find it rude to put me down for being me. But you're right and I should carry on being me!

If you are intense like I am, then I relate even more. My own parents have to take me in small doses. A full dose of me is certainly not for everyone. The part that, I guess you could say "bothers" me, is that I know I have so much more to offer people and they are too shortsighted to see that. Maybe this is viewing myself too highly, but I feel people are missing out. I sense you kinda feel the same.

Thing is here, people who are "normal" can be very hard to cope with for someone like me, and I imagine someone like you. On the other hand, since I am not normal the burden falls on me to bridge the gap. As an example, I know if I am explaining something to someone, telling a story, whatever, I joke in ways people don't recognize as jokes and just think I'm weird. I use seemingly disjointed metaphors, out of place references and sarcasm in odd places. It's my humor. I love random, quick hitting humor and tend to think and speak in similar ways. The product comes out as some wacky guy whos detached from reality. Combine that with the fact I'm afraid I've started descending into selective mutism you get this paradox that becomes hard for people to digest. And today people seem to be more scared of "weird" people more than ever. I've been told by many I am scary and an intimidating presence. I have to be the one to suppress all of that and figure out what people view as normal, then shoehorn myself into that template as best I can. It makes me question if any of it is worth it anymore.

I've, in my more recent years started to develop somewhat of an identity crisis over this because I can't figure out what people want from me. How much me can I be? Is there any place for someone like me to just be me? Am I a creature of days gone by? I even have to be on my best behavior on this site or I'd be kicked off by now. The longer I have to stem the natural flow of who I am, the harder it gets to stay in contact with the real me, even internally. I don't want to be fake I value authenticity very highly. I can't sacrifice ideals for people who won't ever appreciate the sacrifices I had to make before you ever spoke to me.

I have to tone myself down, too.

I am extremely intense. Most people cannot handle this. The only ones who really can are my husband and our kids, IRL anyway.

I think the internet allows for some more intensity because one doesn't have to read and digest an email all at once, and one doesn't have to reply quickly like in conversation.

*Sometimes*, people like the intensity. When I am needed for advice or as a teacher, the intensity is great. People know they are going to get the best and most thorough information. But when it comes to just being a friend or giving me a chance to talk about something I'm interested in, they don't like the intensity anymore.

It's the same old/same old. I can be intense when it's something *you* want, but I must back off when it's something *I* want. People are selfish.

For me a big part of my intensity isn't was much how much I talk, though it's part of it, I actually start to get very animated. I flail my hands and arms about pretty wildly. The volume of my voice doubles to where it actually hurts peoples ears.