Roommate with subwoofer driving me crazy

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Hi,

I am new to this forum. I am highly sensitive and have OCD and anxiety so I thought this might be a safe place to talk to others who might experience the world similarly.

I am having a problem with one of my roommates. I have 5 roommates and have been living in this house 1.5 years. He moved in about 8 months ago. A few weeks ago, he obtained a set of speakers with a subwoofer from one of my other roommates. Now, whenever he plays music, I hear the bass coming through the floor. At a high volume it's incredibly distracting and bothers me a lot, but even at a low volume I still hear this throbbing bass sound and I find it really hard to feel at peace when he plays music. The sub sound is much more penetrating than regular speakers. He is the only one in the house with a subwoofer, other than my roommate on the first floor who rarely plays music and when he does I can't hear it.

I have been trying to tolerate it but I feel like I can't. I've asked him a few times to turn it down when it is excessively loud/late, and he does. But I am tired of having to ask him and I feel we are becoming resentful of each other (although it's possible that he is simply forgetful/unaware and it's all in my head.) Anyway, I feel like I need to talk to him about it and ask him to stop using the subwoofer altogether. I think you can still fully enjoy music on good speakers without using the subwoofer that bothers other people. I am also happy to give him my speakers which I rarely use; they are good quality and don't have a sub. Does this seem like a reasonable request? I figure if you're living in a house with other people and thin walls/floors that it's fair to not use a subwoofer which is very invasive. Nobody else in the house uses one (except 1st floor guy who rarely plays music). He seemed angry when I asked him to turn it down last night, but it was 2am.. and he is a nice guy, so maybe he was just being defensive.. I have no idea..

But I just need this to stop it's driving me crazy. I am afraid to confront him because I have thought about this too much and I don't want him to be angry or refuse to stop using it, but I think/hope I am being paranoid and this is a pretty reasonable request, no?

Yeah, it does seem like a fair request to make in my opinion. What I would do is tell him how bothersome it is and suggest that he either take the speakers or use headphones. You may even want to explain why it bothers you so much (your sensitivity, OCD, and anxiety).

However, the autistic community is probably not the best place to go when you are wondering what is socially acceptable. We generally kind of suck at that sort of stuff.

Try "I don't mean to be a dick but I've got sensory issues and that subwoofer is driving me insane. Im not asking you to never use it, that would be douchey, but is there some way we could come to an agreement about when you use it? The sensory stuff isn't anything I can control or ignore and it makes a lot of things difficult for me. What do you think would be a good solution that's fair to both of us?"

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Thanks for the replies.

I was hoping that asking to not use it at all would not be considered douchey I already asked him in the past to keep it at a low volume but I am so tired of knocking on his door when it's too loud/late. I don't think he is capable of remembering, and he often drinks a beer or a few. And it makes me feel like a nag/cop and I hate having to do stuff like that. It's not the music itself, just the bass.

I figure since nobody else in the house has one it's a fair request. He is living with other people and our house has thin walls/floors. I think asking him not to play music at all would be douchey, but I am asking just not to use the machine that makes super penetrating bothersome noise. I think you can still thoroughly enjoy music without a sub. Does that seem fair? I've also helped him out in the past, given him money when he didn't have any for food.. don't know if he remembers/cares but I don't feel like I am asking too much?

PS. Are you saying he would be more sympathetic to me if I mention my high anxiety/sensitivity? I thought that would annoy him and make me sound like an oversensitive freak, as if it's more my problem than his, as opposed to saying "i think and hope it's fair that when living with roommates and thin walls/floors you don't use it" and making a more general statement..

He would think it's douchey so that's why you say it. And don't go into anxiety or anything. Just say sensory issues like I wrote. Make it sound like something you hate and that you know its not usual. That is how you relate to him.

Go a few hours after he gets up when he's sober or in the early evening when he has a little buzz only. Also ask him what he would like you to do if he forgets and turns it on.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

it actually went well. he didn't seem to think it was douchey. i explained how much it was bothering me, and i offered him my set of speakers which while cheap are pretty great quality minus the subwoofer. he was understanding and he set up my speakers and returned the others. he even said afterwards that he likes the sound better because the sub was over the top. so i am happy that i spoke up and we reached a good compromise. no more subwoofer through the floor