People more responsive when you're not trying to be friendl?

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This is just what I've experienced with a few people at work. Back when I was (trying to be) all bubbly and friendly they seemed like they just wanted me to stay away so I felt like I was trying too hard, although for the most part I didn't care what they thought either way. Lately, though, because I've been having all these things on my mind, I haven't really had the energy to try to be that way... and now those people seem... perturbed? that I'm not trying to be friendly to them?

Earlier today, at least, I passed by one of them and made a brief eye contact and said hi just to be polite, but then I noticed that she kept looking my way like she was expecting more. Until today, she barely looked at me whenever I said hi and smiled widely at her! Coincidence? Or is this similar to the effect of playing hard to get?

Maybe they're just wondering why you were so friendly and then got so quiet. Hard to tell.

Here's what I've noticed with relationships and friendships: if you push people away and become genuinely disinterested, they will pull toward you and want to be a part of your life; if you're the one trying to pull people in and befriend them, they will push you away and feel like you're being clingy. In MY opinion, you are better off just pretending not to give a crap, but being friendly nonetheless. It's caused far less drama in my life, personally, and has made it easier to be social and accepted.

Before, when I was "clingy" toward friends, it made them run the opposite direction or just view me as the tagalong in the group. Not worth it.

Never be overexuberant about being friends with anybody.

For some dumb reason, people associate this sort of overexuberance with somebody who is desperate and might have "something wrong" with them. They associate this sort of behavior with somebody who has cognitive issues.

I should know.....I used to express that sort of overexuberance. It made people "wonder" about me. It made people not to want to hang out with me.

I have absolutely no idea what could be going on here. Personally, I would try not to worry about it. In myself, and I have noticed in other autistic people, a tendency to exaggerate and misidentified social cues like this that don't actually make that much difference. I guess part of it is that we can't tell whether something is important or not!

I don't know about other people, but at work, I'm often too busy to want to talk, so if you're too friendly and chatty, I get scared the salute will turn into a full-blown conversation. So I don't respond very well. If I know I can get away with a one-word response, I'm friendlier. I only talk to others if they're on break or something.

I notice connections only work out when I don't make the first move. When I try to initiate something I usually get the cold shoulder. When someone shows interest in me, I'm usually quite friendly back. This really annoys me, since I feel obligated to at least reciprocate friendliness on some level, but virtually no one is willing to reciprocate when I make the first move. So, for me not being friendly works best. But I obviously have to hope someone will be willing to be friendly to me. I've honestly given up trying to make friends by making the first move. I can show people (who make it clear they want some type of friendship) friendliness, but even though they are needy, they still don't show any interest in me. I go the extra mile, since I know how hard it is to be starved of friendship and affection but I still get ignored. Maybe they don't want someone similar to them to be their friend? Maybe they want people who are "cool" and in the "in crowd" to come calling?

Yes, I relate! Even with bullies at work, I noticed if I ignored them rather than trying to be nice and figure out what I might have done "wrong", they suddenly start trying to get my attention by playing nice. But with normal non-bully people, it's almost like my friendliness is too much, makes them feel suspicious or overwhelmed, a big turn off. It might be because I am just different, or because I am "acting" the way I have learned to in order to convey the sense of friendliness, and they are picking up on the artificiality of it on some level, even though I mean it genuinely. But I am definitely going to go the route of letting them be friendly to me first from now on. A lot of people aren't worth the trouble, imho - because often they end up being intrusive or causing stress for other reasons - that may not be their fault, maybe I trigger that in them, or maybe I am too sensitive, but I am starting to feel the "goal" of having friends is a bit overrated for me now.

Often times people are perceptive towards those of us that are quiet and withdrawn. I rarely, if ever see any reason to be social towards a person I don't know. This draws people towards me. They say the air of mystery is what makes them curious. I have never been bubbly or excitable myself, so I can't completely relate to you. However; People love that sort of thing. In the end, it's best to just be you, who you are. Don't 'try' to be anyones friend, just relax and engage with them.
I find persistence is what creates bonds.

Oh good god yes. I get this so much. I don't know why.

When I try to be a friend, it's like something goes off in their brains and they back away.

When I stop trying to be a friend, they warm up and start hanging around.

It shouldn't be this difficult. The friends I have though, the good, longstanding friends, I don't have this problem with. I find I have this problem with the people at the acquaintance level on the cusp of friendship.

It could be that people are so selfish and use the word "friend" too liberally. Perhaps they use the word friend when they mean that you're actually just an acquaintance. So I react to something that they've said and alienating someone who has no intention of being a friend.

YES THIS.

There's an entire unspoken, unwritten dance that people learn through osmosis on how to interact that we non-NTs have blocked.

If you say "I want to be your friend", they hear "I am a psycho killer and will eat your children."

If you say "I am not interested in you" they hear "I'm good friend material invite me to stuff."

If you say "Go away" they hear "I'm a super hip and cool dude make me your king."

People like you to play hard to get. Actually once people see that I'm at the bottom of the social order, they would only ring me up if no-one else was available. I declined numerous invitations based on that knowledge.

I don't extend myself. Waste of time.

I notice this too. If you act reserved and uninterested, people want to be friends with you. If you act friendly and bubbly, people actively avoid you. It sucks that I always get the opposite reaction! Other people can get away just fine with being over exuberant to the point of being clingy, and have loads of friends. I don't understand humans in general.