I need some advice with social issues in middle school

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Since my original post, I realized that W was picking on me and then apologizing and saying he was my friend, so I've stopped being friends with him.

In the past I would fight back when S was deliberately starting a fight with me (e.g. shoving), but the issue is that now that he's a lot bigger than me, I was letting him push me around a bit when he wasn't clearly starting a fight (e.g. repeatedly poking me with a marker). I think that this is part of the reason that he's been picking on me a lot more than he used to.

I've started hanging out again with a friend who I've known for a while who's in the grade below me, and I've been getting along well with him. But I've realized that it's a bit hard for me to make friends at my current school because most of the people in my grade have picked on me at some point or another, and there's a lot of people (mainly in my current class) who will bully me often to the point where it feels like the whole class is against me. Some days, most of the class will be neutral, and I'll have some good conversations with a few people in my class who share some of my interests, and other days, a few people will be insulting me and calling me names all at once.

I'm not sure if it's at this point yet. Based on what I've posted above, does it sound like it is?

It seems like there's hope for you yet at the school.

Good to hear that you've made a friend in a different grade. I did the same thing.

Do you ever talk to the guidance counselor about ways you can make friends and lessen or stop the bullying? While being bullied isn't your fault, maybe there are ways you could learn to fit in better with classmates. Or maybe you could post on this forum about specific situations or patterns you notice about when you get bullied, when kids seem interested, how they bully you, ETC? Then, we might be able to offer better advice.

Thanks for sharing.
Connections are not always of the same age or grade.

Are you in summer school?
Counselors and groups are not frequently available.

Most schools these days do offer special interest groups. Ours even has a Social worker, speech, play therapist and more.

Hope is a good thing. Like a lot of emotions it can be like
A. Hide and seek
B. Roller Coaster

Pass it on.

I did talk to the school social worker a bit over a year ago when I had this problem (I thought it was fixed because W was acting like my friend) but the social worker didn't really offer any advice or help to solve the bullying problem. They did help me with eye contact though. I will talk to the guidance counselor though.

One pattern I see with S bullying me is that whenever I'm in the middle of a conversation or starting one, he'll start name calling me, saying things to make me feel worse about myself, or say that whatever I'm saying is obviously false.

One example of this is when I was going to buy lunch near the school with W and another person in my class. S saw us leaving, and he tagged along. Throughout the whole walk to where we were going, S was calling me names, putting me down, etc. W was going along with it as well.Once I got my food, W and the other friend asked for a french fry, so I gave them some. Then S asked for one, and I told him no because he had been bothering me the whole walk here. S grabbed a fork, took a ton of my food, and then said "That's what you get for not giving me food". W and S kept on trying to take my food to the point where I had to go to a counter and eat there. While I was eating, S kept on badmouthing me, and saying it loud enough that he knew I could hear it. I started to walk back by myself, but since we were all going in the same direction, S walked with me. I remember that at some point between me eating at the counter and us getting back to the school, S grabbed my drink, put a straw in, and drank from it, then gave it back and said "By the way, I'm sick" because he knows that I'm a bit paranoid about germs and getting sick. After that point, I realized that I was getting bullied, and it went downhill from there until I eventually made my first post.

One other pattern I've noticed is that whenever we have a project to build something and we get assigned groups, I'll get walled out of doing everything and bullied for not doing any work at the end. This is because I like to make a plan and do some research to find out the best design (e.g. The shape of a car with the least drag), but most people in my class like to jump right into it, start building, make a simple plan, and take charge. This often leads to me not knowing what we're doing, my classmates not letting me build anything, and me getting a bad mark and then bullied for not doing anything. On the day that I made my post, at the end of the day, the person who took charge in our group was picking on me because we got a bad group mark for teamwork and communication due to them not letting me do the work. Then, S jumped in and started saying "Oh yeah, he didn't do any work for our other building project either. [My name] never does any work.".

The bullying is verbal 99% of the time, but S will also bully people physically (e.g. poking people with a marker, writing on them, shoving them, etc) I've always fought back when he shoved me, but when he poked me with a marker or wrote on my work, I didn't stand up for myself.



I'm not in summer school, I'm just in a gifted/special education program at a public school. There is a guidance counselor at my school, and I've never talked to them, though I have talked to the social worker, which as I said above, didn't help much. There are some special interest groups at my school, though none for my interests. When I go to high school, there will be though.

Also, thanks so much for putting time in to help me with my bullying problem.

W sounds like a really bad friend if he's so easily influenced by S.

It's cool that you are into design

Is it all computer program. It could be wood based CO2 cars.

Back in middle school I had a weird connection with my older me. Older me told me it would be OK eventually.
I'm the older me know which is weird.
Does your school have clubs. Can't remember if I asked.
Gym/P. E. and lunch are tough times. So is passing periods. Some folks change the routes to destination , change lunch seats if you have open sitting.
Don't forget to breathe.
The last seems like a Duh, but when tense I notice how I'm breathing can help.

I have weird conversations with myself sometimes as well
Also, I agree, taking a few deep breathes can really help you calm down.
Normally, with lunch, I'll hang out with my friend in the grade below me, some of the friendlier kids in my grade, or go for a walk by myself which can really help if I've had a stressful morning.

My school doesn't have many clubs, and most of them are for younger grades. There was a computer programming club for a few months that I went to, but there isn't any more. At least there will be a ton of clubs in a year and a bit when I'm in high school.

Do you have any suggestions on how I could try to get the kids in my class who will join in with S's bullying to stop picking on me?


I know, once I realized that I stopped hanging out with him.

Hi, CanadianCyanide! My question is, do your parents know you're being bullied? Maybe you think it's crazy to tell your parents. I used to think that when I was your age. But I'll tell you one of my experiences with bullying.
When I was eleven (and didn't know that I was autistic at all), I was being bullied by my so-called friends. I had dealt with it for so many years, and even found it normal, because it was just my way of life in school. But it all got a lot worse. So, one day, when I got home, I just entered the living room and said: "I can't take it anymore. [Name of the boy] has been doing this, and this, and that to me". Note that back then, in 2001, nobody in Spain knew what bullying was, so it was just considered a "kids thing".
But my mother got really angry and, the next day, she went to my school to talk to my teacher and to the principal. They called me and my "friends" to talk to all of us, and the kids apologized. It all worked out really fine, and they started being my actual friends for the rest of the year.
Bad thing is, I started secondary the next year, with a lot of new people, so I started being bullied again And I wasn't always so brave to tell my parents.
Apart from telling your parents (if you haven't yet), my advice is that you stick to that friend a grade below if he/she keeps being nice to you. I used to have a lot of friends younger than me, with whom I had a lot of fun.

I always tell my parents when people bully me and it gets serious like this. They recently talked to my teacher, who talked to the other kids and I, and now everything is fine and it worked just like your situation did. Thanks so much for the help!

You're very welcome!! I'm so glad it worked!! And remember, if things wet worse again, trust your parents!