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How do you cope with loneliness?

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Aspertastic424
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01 Aug 2016, 10:41 am

randomeu wrote:
Aspertastic424 wrote:
^ I know the feeling. I think a good strategy is to find clubs or things you are interested in. If your into gaming or card games Im sure there are groups of kids who like that stufff.

One thing that has helped me talk better and relate better to other people is reading fiction, even hard fiction. Reading such fiction (including the classics) helps one get "inside the head" of other people, and idk jsut by witnessing other people think and interact in various situations, it helps with general social cognition and even... eloquence in speaking.


eh im more of a vampire (also known as i am ABSURDLY self conscious). its generaly a problem that i can't understand this alien beings with their foreign culture very well (also called NT's)so far ive used the humor trick i was taught years ago, puns or witty observations (or at least i hope them to be witty) at a constant rate usually. nobodies picked up on the whole "its a cover up for not knowing what the hell im doing" thing. but i feel like this hurts me. there was a guy in my class during my course (that i just completed) that i really liked, we got along all year, but then in the last few weeks he suddenly didn't like me at all, he made it very clear (sighing and not even looking at me) that he no longer liked me or wanted to talk to me. its been weeks and i still don't understand or know what i did.

i don't know what it is, i just seem to find books very hard to get through, i think its because my reading speed can't keep up with my mind so it just gets confused and bored at how slow this is and so i put the book down and go for a video game that will essentially read its story to me. i get what you mean though, they do teach some social constructs, I take a lot of my social skills from World of Warcraft, the way the NPC's (basically characters that arn't players) interact and talk. but then i also take some from classics like great expectations (audio books are great) or harry potter. its just kind of...impossible to put these into an actual situation properly.


i hope whoevers reading this can learn from this conversation too and not just me.


I believe I know what happened with that person. You shouldn't really use puns or jokes at a "constant" rate.It's better to just use them every so often. Its best just to have "natural" conversation and talking, not really looking for ways to "fill" the conversation gaps. Its tough to be funny all the time and even "funny" people aren't half the time. It just comes up spontaneoulsy. If it doesn't really seem like there is much to talk about, then there probably isn't.

Of course books don't explicity teach social situations. Its more of a "synthetic" thing. Gradually affects your mind to sort of "get things" even if not completly.

Id encourage the sun thing if even for only ten minutes daily. Just "soak up the sun". It will make your brain function better. If you have dreams of attracting young ladies to you it could help as well! :wink:

Maybe you blabbered a bit too much, and your "friend" maybe just got tired of it and was done with you. Im not sure he really knew you or liked you all that well to begin with honestly. It did hurt you unfortunately, sorry bud.

Id still try and push yourself with books and stuff. They really did wonders for me! If you like video games/WOW Id try and go for Lord of the Rings or the hobbit. LOTR in particular can be dense but its a ton of fun.



Summer_Twilight
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01 Aug 2016, 10:55 am

I also walk around my neighborhood with people who understand and accept my Asperger's when they are outside walking their dogs. Then I engage in conversation. I also go visit a neighbor who does animal rescue whenever they have new kitties.



magnum233
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01 Aug 2016, 10:57 am

Its great to see so many other people with aspergers who lose friends too and suffer from loneliness because it makes me feel a bit less lonely.

Starting to pile up on the friends lost list vs friends made lately. Some ive choosen to end friendships though because of taking advantage of one was just we didn't really get on well. But yes many have just stopped talking to me, one person in particular i used to have the most intellectual conversations with even pledged some money to him when he was in hospital for a serious illness now he just ignores me. Its like some people have short memory's.

Anyway, im gald to be part of this community one of few ive found on the net that actually has other adult aspie's. I live in NZ and basically there's no adult support its pathetic many here still act as if its something that goes away in children, i often use the analogy that a person in a wheel chair cant grow a new leg there for we cant grow a new head. Sadly that more often than not falls of deaf ears.

One thing i am looking forward to is living my digital life in the Starcitizen universe since a young age i grew up fascinated with space, startrek and all things scifi and techy. So this will be a dream come true for me, i hope to eventually find someone so to say in space hehe.


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Last edited by magnum233 on 01 Aug 2016, 11:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

magnum233
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01 Aug 2016, 10:59 am

Aspertastic424 wrote:
randomeu wrote:
Aspertastic424 wrote:
^ I know the feeling. I think a good strategy is to find clubs or things you are interested in. If your into gaming or card games Im sure there are groups of kids who like that stufff.

One thing that has helped me talk better and relate better to other people is reading fiction, even hard fiction. Reading such fiction (including the classics) helps one get "inside the head" of other people, and idk jsut by witnessing other people think and interact in various situations, it helps with general social cognition and even... eloquence in speaking.


eh im more of a vampire (also known as i am ABSURDLY self conscious). its generaly a problem that i can't understand this alien beings with their foreign culture very well (also called NT's)so far ive used the humor trick i was taught years ago, puns or witty observations (or at least i hope them to be witty) at a constant rate usually. nobodies picked up on the whole "its a cover up for not knowing what the hell im doing" thing. but i feel like this hurts me. there was a guy in my class during my course (that i just completed) that i really liked, we got along all year, but then in the last few weeks he suddenly didn't like me at all, he made it very clear (sighing and not even looking at me) that he no longer liked me or wanted to talk to me. its been weeks and i still don't understand or know what i did.

i don't know what it is, i just seem to find books very hard to get through, i think its because my reading speed can't keep up with my mind so it just gets confused and bored at how slow this is and so i put the book down and go for a video game that will essentially read its story to me. i get what you mean though, they do teach some social constructs, I take a lot of my social skills from World of Warcraft, the way the NPC's (basically characters that arn't players) interact and talk. but then i also take some from classics like great expectations (audio books are great) or harry potter. its just kind of...impossible to put these into an actual situation properly.


i hope whoevers reading this can learn from this conversation too and not just me.


Id encourage the sun thing if even for only ten minutes daily. Just "soak up the sun". It will make your brain function better.


Interesting, do you know about Vitamin D as well?


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Aspertastic424
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01 Aug 2016, 11:08 am

^ I do yeah. Sunlight is filled with vitamin D :) . Exercise helps as well.



magnum233
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01 Aug 2016, 12:09 pm

Aspertastic424 wrote:
^ I do yeah. Sunlight is filled with vitamin D :) . Exercise helps as well.


Oh i was meaning more in terms of using in conjunction with aspergers.

https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/health- ... ns/autism/

Admitably i have vitamin D supplements due to not getting enough sun i live in a digital man cave hehe.

-edit i must add something very interesting i learnt about Vitamin D intake. Mushrooms are well known to contain small amounts but it was found placing some mushrooms in the sun for a few hours drastically increases their vitamin D content. Commercially this is being done now in some country's but through artificial means zapping the mushrooms with ultra violent light for a few seconds before packaging them ready for sale. Pretty fascinating stuff, to do this at home requires special protection gear and lighting however.

http://foodscience.psu.edu/directory/rb ... chment.pdf

Other than the potential use in autism there are people in country's where very little sunlight is available during certain times of the year, all people need Vitamin D is a very important building block of life even cave dwelling geeks like me lol. If you literally cant get vitamin D from going outside in daylight this is a big problem.


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BTDT
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01 Aug 2016, 12:23 pm

I have a full time job and a large flower garden.



randomeu
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01 Aug 2016, 5:01 pm

magnum233 wrote:
Aspertastic424 wrote:
^ I do yeah. Sunlight is filled with vitamin D :) . Exercise helps as well.


Oh i was meaning more in terms of using in conjunction with aspergers.

https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/health- ... ns/autism/

Admitably i have vitamin D supplements due to not getting enough sun i live in a digital man cave hehe.

-edit i must add something very interesting i learnt about Vitamin D intake. Mushrooms are well known to contain small amounts but it was found placing some mushrooms in the sun for a few hours drastically increases their vitamin D content. Commercially this is being done now in some country's but through artificial means zapping the mushrooms with ultra violent light for a few seconds before packaging them ready for sale. Pretty fascinating stuff, to do this at home requires special protection gear and lighting however.

http://foodscience.psu.edu/directory/rb ... chment.pdf

Other than the potential use in autism there are people in country's where very little sunlight is available during certain times of the year, all people need Vitamin D is a very important building block of life even cave dwelling geeks like me lol. If you literally cant get vitamin D from going outside in daylight this is a big problem.


eh im a vampire really when it comes to going outside, it burns!! !, im too busy playing video games or....okay thats all i do haha.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 174 of 200
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01 Aug 2016, 5:06 pm

I screw off on the internet, it's not a good thing I guess but it is an outlet I guess. Thus 10k+ posts. :oops:

The internet seems a lot more lonely now with social media, I don't participate in it so that's two social worlds I'm shut out of. Seems like people are a lot less friendly now and less wanting to be friends with they don't know.

ugh... medication....? It's not a good situation and I don't know what type of future I really have.



magnum233
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01 Aug 2016, 5:28 pm

Hmm if your looking for some ideas ways to atleast make yourself feel better take a look at the thread I started about 5 years of research under health. I'll try and add link its tricky cause on phone

viewtopic.php?t=326008

Time for me to sleep.


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01 Aug 2016, 9:01 pm

Very well since I don't know what loneliness is, I've only ever had a handful of people I consider friends, it may be changing over the next decade since I now fathom my inner fabric and what I've been cloaked by all my life, still never felt lonely though, I am pretty comfortable with my own company but I would like to meet more folks I can connect and explore life with who understand where I've came from and I have possibilities on my horizon to try to find this.



auralucario7
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02 Aug 2016, 11:45 am

I found myself feeling very lonely last semester in college. My two roommates completely ignored me and had their friends over all the time. It made me feel even worse. But to cope I would just try to distract myself and sleep.



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02 Aug 2016, 11:59 am

i go and sit in my colonys garden and try to start conversation with people
i go to painting class
i go to gym
i chat online reply on forums of depression, PTSD and Adult children of alcoholics


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magnum233
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02 Aug 2016, 12:09 pm

:idea:

auralucario7 wrote:
I found myself feeling very lonely last semester in college. My two roommates completely ignored me and had their friends over all the time. It made me feel even worse. But to cope I would just try to distract myself and sleep.


I've experienced this before were your left out of a group you thought were your friends or a friend doesnt want to introduce you to other friends. People can be quite horrible.

Lately I've had to remove a few contacts simply because they no longer responded when I said hi. Not into one way friendships.


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Aspertastic424
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02 Aug 2016, 2:33 pm

auralucario7 wrote:
I found myself feeling very lonely last semester in college. My two roommates completely ignored me and had their friends over all the time. It made me feel even worse. But to cope I would just try to distract myself and sleep.


College can be a big place, and a tough one to meet people. I would encourage meeting other like-minded people through organizations.



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03 Aug 2016, 1:08 am

Talk to people over social media, talk to friends on phone, visit family from time to time.

I've learned to appreciate loneliness.


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