Need help, I've been acting like a bad person.

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Basically, I have problems with my ego, as well as cowardice and anger. I tend to blow up at people I have a beef with for minor/no reason at all, throwing fits filled with expletives and allcaps online. I also tend to have an inflated sense of my own importance, and when confronted with a situation that is both difficult and unexpected, I have one of my 'tantrums', and then leave the situation.

I've been told I'd lose all of my friends if I keep being like that, so, I'm seeking help.

It's great that you're looking for help. Too many people don't even bother, even though they're upsetting others. There are therapists that specialize in anger management and/or controlling your emotions better. Have you had any experience with a therapist like that? Also, have you tried meditation or yoga? How does exercise work for you?

I used to experience alot of the same things----like: ego, hatred, bitterness, anger, feeling of self-importance, thinking I was smarter than everybody, not having any patience for people I perceived to be stupid.....

What I figured-out about myself, is that I was insecure. I had low self-esteem----from people telling me, all-the-time, my whole life, that I was stupid, and so-forth----so, I OVER-corrected. I began using big words, correcting people, "vomiting" my encyclopedia of knowledge all over people, telling people what they said / did that was wrong, seeking truth at ALL costs, seeking FACTS at all costs (and not accepting anything, BUT), and feeling very smug / proud of who I had "made" myself. The problem, was that NONE of it was "real"----the being that I had become, was "manufactured".

I can't remember what, exactly, got me out of being that way (and I can't pretend I'm TOTALLY, 100 percent, "recovered")----definitely, alot of help from some SERIOUSLY "in-your-face" friends----but, I eventually came to the realization that I didn't HAVE to be all of those "smart" things, anymore (telling people they were wrong, and stuff----see, above), cuz I was NEVER, in-a-MILLION YEARS, gonna please everybody (read, make EVERYBODY think / SEE, that I was smart). I needed to be happy with MYSELF----thus, NOT insecure, anymore. It's possible I'll always have "thoughts of doubt" (insecurity) about myself, that creep-in every-once-in-awhile----but, hopefully, I won't be GENERALLY insecure; I'll just be SPECIFICALLY insecure, about whatever----and, that's easier to "maintain" (or, CONtain, or whatever), and get over.

Maybe you're experiencing the same thing.....

The BEST thing you ever did was posting it, HERE----ADMITTING it, is the first step to "recovery".

I'm rootin' for ya!!

Take care,

Cat

Thanks, everyone!